Author: instructionstoayounglife.com

Understand The Causes of Marriage Failure

Marriages don’t just randomly succeed or fail. There are reasons for marriages failing and the reasons are not as complicated as one thinks. Marriage is a life of two people who become united before God. The same reasons why people fail in life are the same reasons why marriages fail. Life is a matter of reaping and sowing. A person will reap what they sow, whether it is good seeds or bad seeds. Just like a field…if good seeds are sown then good fruit will come up but if the seeds of weeds are sown then weeds will come up. Also, if a field is not tended then the weeds that inadvertently fall into it will also spring up and choke the good fruit bearing plants. A marriage reaps the seeds that were sown before marriage. If a couple is immoral before marriage and become physically intimate then the bad fruit of those seeds sown through their actions will be a lack of trust in the relationship and will lead to a lack of love. A wife should not be surprised if her husband is unfaithful to her if she married an immoral man and in the same way a man should not be surprised if his wife is unfaithful if he married an immoral woman. There is a much less likely chance of unfaithfulness in a marriage if both people were morally faithful before marriage. Also, if the woman initiated or manipulated to “get” her husband then she will have doubts if he is the “right one” after marriage. Becoming one in marriage is not easy because it is the dying of each of the two that they might become one in life. There is much give and take and “not getting you own way” in marriage. If there is jealousy and strife in the relationship then marriage becomes far more difficult. Whatever a couple has done in private before marriage will show itself later on in the marriage. In many ways, the time before marriage determines the joys and struggles after marriage. Much more time needs to be put into the preparation of and decisions about marriage before the couple even meet. Marriage is a gift and a work that brings great joy and satisfaction when done right but will also bring much sorrow and grief if done wrong. How much easier it is to prevent a problem than to fix a problem. Building a marriage is similar to building a house and far more important.

Prepare your work outside And make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house. Proverbs 24:27

Understand What Is Needed to Prevent a Marriage from Failure

No one goes to the altar with the desire that their marriage will fail. Many books are written on “how to have a successful marriage”. There are two things that a person basically needs to have a successful marriage and to keep a marriage from failing. Those two things are wisdom and prudence. Wisdom is how to succeed and prudence is the flip side of wisdom, in the sense, that prudence tells you what you need to do to prevent failure. Every girl should be desperate to get wisdom and prudence. Prudence will keep her from pain and wisdom will tell her what she needs to do to get out of pain and stay out of pain. Many a girl has had her heart broken simply because she did not have wisdom and prudence. Wisdom will let a girl know what kind of man to marry and prudence will tell her what kind of man to avoid. Wisdom will tell her what a man needs and prudence will keep her from doing the things that a man hates. Yes, there are certain qualities that a woman can have that will drive a man far from her and will cause him to not want to come home to her. If she has wisdom then often he will eagerly look forward to seeing her and coming home. Wisdom and prudence are available to any who will seek God. God is wisdom and prudence also dwells with Him.

I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And I find knowledge and discretion. Proverbs 8:12

I love those who love me;
And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

Ask God for wisdom. He says that He will give to all who ask Him and He will give wisdom generously and without reproach. That means that He wants to show you the best way and He will not reprove you for not coming to Him earlier. He is waiting for all of us to come to Him for wisdom. Every person in the world needs God’s wisdom and He is more than willing to share it. The Lord wants you to succeed in love and in every area of life. It does not matter how big of a mess you have ever gotten into but that He will show you what you need to do to get out of the mess and get into success.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Marriage is not easy but it is very much worth overcoming any obstacles in order to succeed. Marriage is the blending of two lives into one and for a marriage to succeed it must have the blessing of God. The word “blessed” means “happy” and it also means having “the favor of God”. Everyone wants to be happy and when someone is happy in their marriage then they are considered blessed. The Lord tells us in His Word how to be blessed by God. His blessing is available to every person on earth.

in every place where I cause My name to be remembered, I will come to you and bless you. Exodus 20:24b

The Lord says that in every place where His name is remembered that He will come to those where His name is remembered and bless them. If you want your marriage to succeed then the Lord must be central in your marriage. For the Lord to be the center of your marriage then He must be the center of your life. For the Lord to be the center of your life then He must be the Lord of your life.

How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the Lord his God, Psalm 146:5

The word God is a reference to the Lord being a person’s Savior. When the Lord is Lord in a person’s life then He will also be their Savior and He will save them from whatever trouble that they are in. The Lord hears those who call on Him to be their Lord and their Master. He will save you and will save your marriage.

But I, O Lord, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You. Psalm 88:13

Ask the Lord for help every morning. When a person cries out to the Lord in prayer every morning then they are remembering Him every day. Call upon the Lord and He will help you. He will help you in your life and He will help you in your marriage. He will show you His ways and teach you how to live according to His ways.

Help me, O Lord my God; Save me according to Your lovingkindness. Psalm 109:26

The Lord will help you and He will save you according to His lovingkindness. The Lord loves you and He wants you to succeed in life and He wants to bless your marriage and cause it to be successful. The Lord is good and He longs to be gracious to you.

Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him. Isaiah 30:18

Learn to long for the Lord. The Lord longs to bless you and He is waiting for you to come to Him. The Lord is gracious and compassionate.

Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul. Psalm 54:4

When you look to the Lord and call on Him then He will come to you and bless you. You will see His love and kindness and you will love the Lord more and more. You will want to give thanks to Him and bless His name.

For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. Psalm 63:7

The Christian life is sweet and there is great joy in seeing the Lord’s love and faithfulness. When a person comes to Him and gives their life to Him then He makes Himself known to them. He becomes their Lord and their Savior. His love is perfect and there is no fear in trusting Him to be the center and Lord of your life. He truly becomes your Good Shepherd and He will guide and lead you through the storms and trials of life and you will see His favor shine on you and your marriage. You will see how perfect His love is for you. Those who look to Him will truly see His help and His faithfulness and He will be their hope and their salvation. When a person calls on Him and puts their trust in Him then they are blessed and they want to bless the Lord.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. Psalm 103:1-5

The Lord will crown your life and marriage with love and compassion. He will satisfy the years of your life and marriage with good things. The Lord is good and blessed are all those whose help and hope is in Him.

Understanding the Power of the Words You Speak

It is crucial that a young lady learns the power of her words. Her words will either build up and encourage her husband or they will destroy him. A man needs his wife’s affirmation, encouragement, words of comfort, words of praise and kindness through the words that she speaks to him. A man will become what his wife says about him. If she builds him up then he will be built up and if she tears him down then he will feel torn down and defeated. Her confidence in what God is doing in and with him and believing in him will make a difference in his confidence in what God is doing in and with him and the confidence that he needs as he goes out into the world. A man’s wife should be and needs to be his biggest cheerleader. She needs to believe in him when he does not even believe in himself and when he feels that no one else believes in him. The Lord said that she is to be his savoir. Not a Savoir like the Lord Jesus Christ but a savoir for him when he is discouraged and down. She needs to point him to the One and only Savoir and the only way that she can do this is if she, herself, is looking to Jesus Christ to be her Savoir.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What It Means to Help Your Man through Your Words

The word “helper” in this verse literally means savoir. This is the only time that it is used in reference for a person. Every other time that it is mentioned in the Bible it is in reference to God. One of the ways that God saves us is through His Word. The Bible says that “He sent His Word and saved them”. In the same way, the words of a wife to her husband can make such a difference in his life that they will save him from great discouragement and despair. Her words will keep him from depression and from being dismayed. Her words have the power to life him up, to keep him from doing something wrong and from making a bad decision. Her words will motivate him to higher goals and make him want to be the man that her words tell him that he is. He will become what she says to him. Her words will make her husband a better man or her words will, in the same way, destroy her husband. Her words can keep him from stepping out in faith and her words can make him feel worthless. Her words can literally take the life out of him and take away his desire to live.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Understand that the hardest thing in the world is to control your tongue. The Bible even says that no one can control the tongue. However, you can control what you listen to and what you listen to and what goes into your heart is what will determine the words that come out of your mouth. Do not allow yourself to be with women who talk negatively about men or their husbands, if they are married. Make friends with women who have a healthy view of marriage and men. Have an older married woman who is wise, in your life who you can go to, should you find yourself struggling in your marriage. You must learn to see your husband through God’s eyes. Don’t ever compare your husband to your father. Your father was young and immature at one time and it takes a lifetime to become the person that God designed us to be. A young man is like a young woman and he is still maturing just as a young woman is still maturing. In fact, don’t focus on your husband, rather concentrate on you becoming the woman and wife that you need to be and that is a wife who builds her husband up. Your husband needs you to be that faithful believer in what the Lord is doing in his life. He needs your words of love, your comfort and your encouraging words. He needs your respect and there is no greater way to communicate respect than in the way you talk to him and in what you say to him. He needs you to be a blessing to him.

By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
But by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down. Proverbs 11:11

Understand the Timing of When the Woman Makes a Commitment to the Man

Timing is very important in love relationships. In all love relationships there needs to be an initiator and a responder. Just as in our relationship with the Lord. The Lord is the One who is the initiator and we are the responder. We respond to His love and His choosing to love us. In the same way, the man is the initiator and the woman is the responder. The man must take responsibility for the relationship and therefor the woman must wait for the man. If the man only initiates to a certain level then that is where the relationship remains. If the man only wants a friendship and you want more then do not try to make the relationship into something that it is not. A man does just what he wants to do. If he wants a commitment relationship then he will pursue one. If a man wants to marry a girl then he will pursue her. The man is the one who asks the girl out for a date and he is the one who pays for the date. Do not pay. If he can not afford an expensive restaurant then let him take you to one that is not so expensive. Money does not make love and if it is important to you to go to expensive places and he can not afford it nor want it then you need to move on and he also needs to pursue someone else. Do not pay for the dinner. A man will get the money for what he wants and needs. A man appreciates what he works for so do not “give” to him. The man is to be the lover and the one who takes responsibility for where he takes you, when he takes you and how much it cost. He does not need your help. This is important to understand because one of the lies in the world is that the woman should spend her money also on the man. Absolutely not. If he gives you a Christmas present then yes, you can give him one if you would like, but do not spend more money on him than he has on you. Do not tell a man that you love him until he has asked you to marry him. Love is a commitment and he should not be telling a woman that he loves her until he is ready to commit his life to her. Do not be physically intimate with a man until after marriage. Many a man will stay engaged forever to get what he wants but never take the step of marriage. A man makes the commitment to marry, he asks the woman to marry him and then he plans and pays for the honeymoon. He also is the provider for the family. There is no problem with the wife working if it is agreed but even then, it is best to live off of the husband’s income. This creates gratitude in the wife and a oneness in the marriage. When a man gets married then he must be ready to give up everything for his wife and then after marriage the wife is to give up everything for her husband, but not before marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25

Understand What is Wise and What is Foolish

Understand that a wife is a gift to a man and most men want to get married. Most men are looking for the “right” one and want a wife. However, men understand that marriage is a responsibility and men will sometimes put off responsibilities as long as they can. If they can get what they want without the responsibility then they will often not take the responsibility at all (“If the milk is free, why buy the cow?”) or if a woman will assume the responsibility in a relationship then many men will let her and will never take any more of the responsibility. He may stay with her in this dysfunctional relationship forever, even with her waiting for him to initiate, or until he gets tired of her. Meanwhile, she keeps hoping, initiating and spending her money on him and missing other opportunities with better men, who think that she is already in a relationship. A woman is foolish to give herself physically to a man before marriage or to spend her money on dates with him or gifts for him.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:28-32

Men love their own bodies and when a man loves a woman then he will commit himself to taking care of her as he takes care of himself. A man also will guard his investments. Let him invest in you rather than you investing in him. His heart will follow where he puts his treasure. A man appreciates what he works for and what he waits for. Don’t be in a hurry. Put your trust in the Lord and let the Lord choose your spouse. He will make a much better choice than you can make. As you wait for the man the Lord has for you then you will be waiting on Him and you will know when the Lord brings him along because your future husband will love you more than you will love him. Just as the Lord loves us more than we love Him and our love for Him is a response to His love for us. We love Him because He loves us.

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him. Isaiah 64:4

Understanding How Love Begins As a Commitment

Love is a commitment. Love is a commitment that is expressed through actions. The feelings of love will come and go and come again if the commitment is firm in the lives of the two who are “in love”. The commitment of love is designed for marriage and God’s design for marriage is that the husband and wife will be “in love” and stay “in love”. God is love and the only way that two people in marriage can be and stay “in love” is if they are “in Christ”. Jesus Christ is God and He is love and His life and death fully expressed the meaning of love. We know love through Him and when our lives are in Christ then we will live in His love. When Christ is in us and we live in His love then His love will be expressed through our lives and those in our life will experience His love. However, when someone gives their life to Jesus Christ for Him to live in and through them it is the beginning of experiencing His love and of the transformation of becoming like Christ.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17

Understanding How to Live in a Committed Love Relationship

The new Christian is like a baby in the sense that they need to mature. Just as a baby is alive and must learn to do much so the new Christian is a baby in Christ and will mature as they grow in their new relationship in the Lord. A Christian may not always know how to love but they will want to learn. A Christian marriage, in the same way, needs to mature as each one learns how to love the other. As each partner in the marriage grows in their personal Christian life then the love in the marriage will also grow and mature. There needs to be much confession, forgiveness and grace shown to each other. If this is done, then the couple will learn to love each other even more and the love will not be quenched through selfishness and sinfulness. We are all basically selfish and sinful but when we give our lives to the Lord then He gives us a new heart and a new spirit to live an unselfish and righteous life, seeking to do what is right and loving.

Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. II Peter 2:1-3

Understand that a loving marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth. It is absolutely a taste of heaven to be “in love” and stay “in love” with someone for a lifetime. There is a sweet oneness of mind, soul, body and spirit. There is great comfort in the companionship and friendship of another who you intimately know and by whom you are intimately known. A great marriage does literally multiply your joy and allows another to share in your sorrows. You are not alone and never get tired of the other one. This is only possible through oneness. Just as you never get tired of being with yourself because you are one with yourself, in the same way, you have such a joy and thankfulness for the gift that God has given you through your spouse. However, all of this is only possible through Jesus Christ. Those who do not believe this is possible do not know the One who makes all things possible and who came that we might have life and love through Him. It is the devil that robs and destroys marriages and he does so through the lies that we hear that it is okay to do relationships according to what we want and how we want to live. God is not mocked. The marriage without Christ will never have the love and joy that He alone offers. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to restore us to Himself and to restore the fellowship with each other that He designed from the beginning. It is possible and it can be real life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10