A Life with Love Must Be Established

For love to last in any relationship then it must be established on the foundation of God’s Word and the knowledge of Him.

By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
Proverbs 24:3

Relationships and especially marriages must be built, they do not just happen. They are like a house and must have a solid foundation, which is the Lord and His Word, and they must be built according to God’s blueprint. Wisdom comes from fearing the Lord and keeping His Word. As you do this then you will learn His ways, which is His wisdom and you will grow in understanding.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10

Wisdom is knowing how to apply the knowledge that you need in any given situation. The knowledge that you need comes from the Lord and He gives those who fear Him the wisdom of what to do on how to achieve a desired result, such as, a strong marriage or strong friendship. As you learn to walk in His ways and live according to His wisdom then you will gain understanding as you grow in the knowledge of the Lord. The more you know Him then the more you will want to know Him. The same is true with God’s wisdom. The more you live according to His wisdom the more you will want His wisdom and everything in your life to be according to His ways.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. James 3:17

God’s wisdom is pure and peaceable. It is gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits. God’s wisdom is also unwavering and without hypocrisy and this is what will characterize your life, your marriage and your relationships when you build them on God’s Word. You will find love, your life will be filled with love and you will keep love. As time goes on it will get even better because love grows and deepens with time.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

We all need wisdom and this promise that the Lord gives is one of His amazing promises and is a picture of His grace. He says that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask Him and He will give it generously. He also says that He will not reproach you, which means that He will not reproach you for your lack of wisdom but rather He has been wanting you to ask Him for wisdom so that He can give it to you. Do you need wisdom in your relationships? Ask Him and He will give it to you. It is much better to have wisdom and to do it right from the beginning rather than wait for things to go wrong and then need wisdom. However, either way, He will give you His wisdom to build your marriage right and He will give you wisdom to correct the problems when things go wrong if you will ask Him.

And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:4

You will find that as you build your life, relationships and marriage on God’s wisdom and it is established on understanding then the days will be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Your cup will overflow with much blessing and great joy. Your life and your marriage will be a blessing to many.

A Life with Love is Good

Love is good and one of the meanings of the word “good” in the Bible is “the highest form of love”. The Lord is good and He only seeks what is good for us and His actions towards us are the highest expressions of love. When He created man He created man to be loved and to love.

For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100:5

When God sent His only begotten Son into the world it was to show His love for the world. His redeeming love was sacrificial, costly, of great value and of the highest form. Jesus Christ died for us while we were sinners and had no love for Him or desire to trust and obey Him.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

The Lord is good and no evil dwells with Him. Evil is the opposite of love and those who do evil seek to hurt, harm and to cause grief.

For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness;
No evil dwells with You. Psalm 5:4

The devil is the one who is evil and seeks your harm and hurt. He is a liar and will do what he can to bring you grief. He lied to Eve.

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:4,5

He said that she would not die but that her eyes would be opened and she would be like God. Every word was a lie. She would die and her actions brought about her own death. Satan always tries to minimize the consequences.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

He said that her eyes would be opened but rather she became blind and it was not until Jesus Christ came to open the eyes of the blind, that we could see spiritually.

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened Isaiah 35:5a

He said that she would be like God, but no, she became like the devil, for the devil did not do what was right in the sight of God and unrighteousness was found in him. The devil rebelled against God by doing what he wanted to do rather than what the Lord wanted him to do.

“You were blameless in your ways
From the day you were created
Until unrighteousness was found in you. Ezekiel 28:15

He said that she would know good and evil, but she no longer knew what was good but only what was evil. She no longer knew God’s love for her. The word “know” is to experience. She no longer experienced God’s love. The devil lied about God for God does not “experience” any evil and as long as Adam and Eve did what the Lord wanted them to do then they also would never “know” evil.

Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, And You can not look on wickedness Habakkuk 1:13

Eve exchanged the truth of God for a lie and the consequences of her actions brought death to her life and her relationship with Adam. The love that God had given them was no longer in the relationship as God was no longer present.

A Life with Love Has a Foundation

Love must have a foundation to stand strong against the storms that will assail against it. A loving relationship is like a house and it must be built upon the right foundation. The foundation must be immovable and unchangeable because people, relationships and circumstances change. If a marriage or friendship has the right foundation then it will grow stronger over time and become sweeter to those who abide in the relationship where love is strong.

For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 3:11

There is only one foundation that is true and sure and will stand the test of time and will not be moved. Jesus Christ is the only right foundation for every relationship that will endure through the storms of sickness and health, weakness and strength, prosperity and failure, and all the other trials that we pass through here on earth.

According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. I Corinthians 3:10

If you know Jesus Christ and have been born again then according to God’s grace the right foundation has been laid in your life. If you and your spouse are Christians then the right foundation has been laid in your life. However, you must be careful how you build upon it. Jesus Christ is the Word made flesh and His Word is the instruction of how to build upon the foundation.

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

God’s Word is full of grace and truth and it is the blueprint for every strong relationship and for every strong marriage. You must use God’s Word, which is His instruction for building your relationships, your marriage and family.

Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:46-49

Jesus Christ and His Word is the Rock on which to build a life, a marriage, a family, a friendship, a business relationship or any other relationship that we are in. If we call Him Lord then we must do what He says but we will also experience what He says and our relationships will be strong and stand firm when the storms blow and the floods come. The storms may come in the form of doubts or false accusations or lies or absence or sickness or losses. However, the relationship built on Jesus Christ will stand and not only that but just as a house is a refuge from the storm these relationships will also be a refuge and bring us comfort and love when we need it the most.

A Life with Love Can Be Rejected

Love to the soul is like food for the body. We need it, we long for it if we do not have it and we will do almost anything to get it. This is where many a young person gets into trouble. Looking for love in the wrong places. A price can not be put on love because it is the greatest gift that you can ever receive from another and only a fool exchanges love. God is the source of all love and He offers His love to every single person in the world. The Bible describes the fool as one who rejects God’s love and lives as if there is no God. Adam and Eve rejected God’s love when they chose to live as if there was no God. They disobeyed the God of the universe and thought they knew better than their Creator.

The fool has said in his heart,”There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have committed abominable deeds; Psalm 14:1a

When Adam and Eve rejected God’s love and did not obey the Lord and His command for them they sinned and their hearts became not only foolish but wicked. They received a sinful nature because now they had a sinful heart that was both foolish and wicked.

The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance, does not seek Him.
All his thoughts are, “There is no God.” Psalm 10:4

Not only did Adam and Eve not seek the Lord but they hid from Him when they heard the sound of God walking in the garden. The wicked person also will seek to avoid Christians who are living for the Lord. Haughtiness is another word for pride. It is our pride that does not want to need God or seek Him.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” Genesis 3:8-10

Adam and Eve hid themselves because they were ashamed and guilty. When they hid from God they could no longer experience His love for them. His love had not changed but they had changed. Sin does this to us. It changes us and all of our relationships. We become insecure and we not only want to hide from God but we want to cover ourselves up around others. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We have rejected God and His love when we sin and now we are fearful that others will reject us. The most secure people in the world are those who have experienced God’s salvation and live in fellowship with the Lord and obey His commands. They have nothing to fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread? Psalm 27:1

A Life with Love Makes a Home

We all need a home. A home is different from a house. A home is where you feel loved and secure. A home is where you can go anytime and you are always welcome. It is your home and it was made for you to dwell there. A home offers protection from the world and the elements. The storms of this world, whether emotional or physical, can be cold and seem cruel and relentless at times but if you have a home then you have a shelter. We all long for a place where we feel loved and secure that we can call our home. When Adam and Eve sinned they lost their home. Sin and rebellion sometimes does that to us. The devil lies about or minimizes the consequences of sin and the price that we pay for not obeying the Lord. It probably did not occur to Adam and Eve that they would lose their home.

therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. Genesis 3:23

The Lord had to send them out from the garden, where life was a delight, lest they eat of the tree of life and live forever in their sinful state. Love makes a home for the lonely and the Lord began preparing a place for Adam and Eve, where they would be safe and secure and which would never be taken away from them but that home would come later for those who would put their faith in Jesus Christ.

“Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. John 14:1-3

Adam and Eve still had a choice of whether or not they were going to love God or go their own way and do their own thing. However, because of sin, life becomes harder and Adam’s work was harder because the land had weeds and thistles. Work was no longer the delight that it had been before. He could rebel again, and make it even harder for himself, or he could learn to trust and obey the Lord and God’s help would be available for him even in his difficulty.

Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life. Genesis 3:22-24

It was God’s love that sent Adam out of the garden. It is God’s love that gives us a home. If we will not rebel against the Lord but learn to trust Him then He makes a home for the lonely.

God makes a home for the lonely;
He leads out the prisoners into prosperity,
Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land. Psalm 68:6

A Life with Love Must Be Together

Love must be together. Love is relational and relationships must be nurtured to grow strong. The Lord brings a man and a woman together in marriage to be with each other. Your marriage will not grow strong and your love will not grow deeper unless there is an investment of your money and your time. These are the treasures that each of us have and when we invest our treasures in the marriage then our heart will be in it also. The love has become cold in many a marriage simply because the relationship was neglected and the two people have drifted apart. Each one invested their time, energy and money elsewhere and their heart was no longer with their spouse.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34

The more shared experiences then the stronger the marriage. Just as in the past when they used to make a rope strong, it was made of many many little strands of hemp. It was almost impossible to even cut through a thick rope. In the same way, the more shared experiences that married couples have then the stronger the bonds of marriage will be and when the enemy attacks then it will have a much harder time breaking the bonds of marriage. Love grows through sharing each others joys and sorrows.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. Ephesians 4:32-5:2

Your marriage and love will deepen as you each learn to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other just as Christ also has forgiven us. As you and your spouse learn to walk in love and to consider the other one more important than one’s ownself then your marriage will be a fragrant aroma to the Lord and to the world.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; Hebrews 13:4a

As you can see, it says marriage bed, not marriage beds. A marriage will not grow strong if each of the married partners sleep in a different bed. Don’t do it. The Lord will help you if one of you has a hard time sleeping. There is something about sharing the same bed that keeps a couple together.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Matthew 19:6

Separation is opposite of being together. The devil tries first to separate a married couple and then divorce is often next. If someone counsels you to separate then they are not with God but against God. Let no man separate, means let no man counsel you to separate nor let another come in between you and your spouse. A woman should never confide in any other man other than her husband. She should not go to a pastor or a male counselor to get marriage help. A woman can almost always get a man’s sympathy and a man can not see through a woman’s tears, hurts, etc. and give her the truth of what she needs to hear.

The first to plead his case seems right,
Until another comes and examines him. Proverbs 18:17

A man can not see through a woman and a woman can not see through a man. In the same way, a man should not go to a woman for counsel. Older men can help a younger man to learn to love his wife and to understand her and older women are God’s provision to help women in learning how to love and respect their husband.

A Life with Love Has An Enemy

Love has an enemy that wants to destroy it and the people in the relationship where love is. God is love and there will only be true love where God is but there is one who hates God and he will do everything he can to destroy what the Lord establishes. The Lord is the One who brings people together in marriage.

And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

The Lord made the marriage to be between male and a female. He joins them together and they become one flesh. They are no longer two but one. The Lord’s blueprint for marriage is that the two people are to stay married until one of them dies and then the length of the marriage has been completed. However, the devil hates what God has ordained and he tries to destroy the love, the marriage and the people in the marriage. The enemy of love is not flesh and blood but it is spiritual forces.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

Struggles will come in any marriage but if you recognize who the real enemy is then you can stand firm together and resist him.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

As both of you, or even if one of you, will recognize the real enemy then you can resist him and he will flee. You must be strong in the Lord and you resist him through submitting to God and in the strength of God’s might. He will have to flee.

But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. II Corinthians 2:10,11

Do not be ignorant of his schemes. He wants one of you to harbor unforgiveness in your heart. We all wrong each other and hurt each other, and often we are not even aware of it. If you will learn to forgive quickly then that keeps Satan from getting a foothold in the marriage. The Bible says that he is “an accuser of the brethren”. He wants to accuse each one of you to the other. He might say, something like, “If he really loved you then he would not do that.” Not so, for a man often does not know what will hurt his wife. He has to learn to live with her in an understanding way. It does not come naturally.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way,

I peter 3:7

In the same way, a wife needs to learn how to respect her husband and love him the way that God designed. It is different from the way a wife “wants” to be loved. She will often love him the way she wants to be loved and the man will do the same. The older women are instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands.

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:4,5

This word love in “to love their husbands” means that they are to want their husbands. A man marries a woman because he thinks that she wants him. If she does not communicate this after marriage then he will feel rejected.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

The devil will do what he can to get the man to not love his wife and to get the woman to not respect her husband. It takes two to destroy a relationship. A marriage is only dysfunctional if both people are not doing what the Lord called them to do. If only one person is disobedient then that person is dysfunctional and the obedience of their partner will help them become the wife or husband that the Lord called them to be.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. I Peter 3:1,2

Marriage relationships are work but when they work the way the Lord designed then they are the sweetest relationships on earth. They are a taste of heaven to the marriage partners and they are salt and light to the rest of the world. When each partner does the work that God has called them to do and be the spouse that God designed them to be then God is glorified.

I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do. John 17:4

A Life with Love Can Be Misdirected

The heart is where the soul abides and where the seed of love is born and grows in people. The heart is our innermost being where we long for intimacy, that is, to know and to be known. The heart is where we are vulnerable and what we guard, for when we give our heart away then we give a part of us away as well.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

It is in our heart that our deepest longings and desires are. In the secret places of our heart are our dreams and plans that we long to see fulfilled in our lives.

A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water,
But a man of understanding draws it out. Proverbs 20:5

A good friend or a good wife with understanding knows how to draw the plans out of their friend or spouse and encourage them to become the person they were designed to be and do the plans in their heart that they dream of doing. However, a good friend or good wife will also see when their friend or spouse’s heart is getting misdirected. Eve’s heart was misdirected when she started loving and desiring things that the Lord did not have for her. She exchanged the love of God for the love of the world.

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. I John 2:15-17

Eve’s heart started to be misdirected to temporal things that will not satisfy rather than listen to the Lord and choose to do what is right by doing His will, which will always bring satisfaction and much gladness. One of the meanings of righteousness is “doing what is right in God’s eyes”. Lawlessness is ignoring or neglecting God’s laws, principles, commands and truths and doing what you want to do. It will bring much sorrow. Jesus was the happiest man on earth because He loved righteousness and did what was right in God’s eyes.

“You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of gladness above Your companions.” Hebrews 1:9

So, even though the fruit seemed good to Eve it was not good. It was not right for her to do what the Lord had told them not to do. Not only did Eve no longer have the love of God in her but because her heart was misdirected she loved the world and was no longer happy. Sin only offers a passing pleasure which soon fades away. The sinner spends his life chasing the passing pleasures of sin he experiences for a moment but it is only an illusion. It will never satisfy.

By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, Hebrews 11:24,25

Sadness came into the world through Adam and Eve’s sin and happiness was no longer there. It is only through being restored to a love relationship with God will we love righteousness and be genuinely happy. The Lord truly takes away our sin and our guilt and fills our heart with joy and happiness so much so that we want to joyfully sing of the Lord, His great love and His righteousness.

A Life with Love is Full of Faith

Love is faithful or, in other words, “full of faith” in the One who loves. If there is not faithfulness then there is not love. Eve was not faithful to the Lord when she ate the fruit. She no longer loved God.

When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; Genesis 3:6a

Faithfulness is what the Lord looks for in those who serve Him because He knows that if they are not faithful then they do not love Him. If love is not your motive then whatever you do is going to be for selfish reasons even though it may “look” good to others. If you love God then you will love others. If you are faithful to God then you will be faithful to those to whom you are committed.

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:23

Someone may well say that it does not matter what they do because God is going to do what He wants to do regardless. The Lord certainly can and does do what He wants to do but those who have that attitude are not faithful. Faithful means that we are full of faith and believe what He says and we do what He commands. Faith is what pleases the Lord and when we believe Him in faith and act on what He says it brings Him delight.

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

Eve sinned because she did not act in faith on what the Lord had said and commanded them. She began reasoning in her heart about what was best for her rather than trusting what God had said.

and whatever is not from faith is sin. Romans 14:23b

The outcome of Eve not having faith and believing what God said was that she disobeyed God. She did what she wanted, what seemed good to her and what was delightful. It really did not matter what benefits the fruit had to offer because the Lord said not to do it. When you start reasoning in your heart then you have already started down the path of sinning.

There is no wisdom and no understanding
And no counsel against the Lord. Proverbs 21:30

Eve exchanged the truth of God for a lie and the outcome was sin. Every time we sin we also have exchanged the truth of God for a lie. We have believed the lies of the devil rather than the truth of God. The devil uses only one weapon to get us to sin and that is lies. Often we are deceived and do not realize it until it is too late and our resulting sin brings us death to our soul, in the form of grief, sorrow, guilt, regret and much pain. It also brings consequences in relationships and marriages. We were deceived and sinned because we listened to the lies of the devil rather than to the Lord.

He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

The only way that we will ever have the life that the Lord designed for us and the loving marriage and relationships that He intended is if we know God’s Word and if we are faithful to Him by believing what He says and obeying it.

And to whom did He swear that they would not enter His rest, but to those who were disobedient? So we see that they were not able to enter because of unbelief. Hebrews 3:18,19

Faith and obedience go together. You can not have one without the other. The Lord has a rest for us and it is heaven. Those who have believed and their faith is a living faith expressed through obedience will enter into heaven because they have believed on the One and Only Son of God, Jesus Christ.

A Life with Love Does Not Manipulate

Since Adam named the serpent then he knew the character of the serpent. The serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field. His name “serpent” means “to enchant”. The devil chose to disguise himself in the serpent because the serpent was enchanting and beautiful.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! Genesis 3:1-4

When we are not trusting the Lord and His love for us then we want to be in control, thinking that we know better than the Lord and can not really trust Him with what is most important to us. We feel the need to “take matters into our own hands” to accomplish what we think would be best for us. Manipulation is not of the Lord and is neither loving nor respectful of another. It is our sinful nature that teaches us to manipulate and it can begin at an early age. A man may seek to manipulate through charm, money, power, words or actions. A man may also seek to manipulate a female through trying to make her feel sorry for him. A female should run from a man who is a manipulator just as a man should avoid a female who manipulates. Females can also manipulate through being enchanting or charming, through their beauty, tears, words or actions. It is not godlike but is more like the devil. Someone who is a manipulator can not be trusted.

When you sit down to dine with a ruler,
Consider carefully what is before you,
And put a knife to your throat
If you are a man of great appetite.
Do not desire his delicacies,
For it is deceptive food. Proverbs 23:1-3

It is only one who trusts the Lord who can be trusted. Don’t listen to what a person says but look at the fruit of their life. If they are trusting the Lord then the fruit will reveal what the person is like.

For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush. Luke 6:44

If you want a loving marriage and a godly life then you must learn to trust the Lord to give you what you need and to not manipulate to get what you want. He knows your needs and your desires. Learn to do what is right and to walk uprightly with Him and He will not withhold any good thing from you. Then and only then you will know that the partner that he gives to you in marriage is a gift from Him and not something that you brought about by your manipulation.

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11b

This is important because in marriage, just as in life, storms will arise and you need to know without a doubt that it was the Lord that brought you two together. If you have that confidence then you will be able to weather the storms together and they will strengthen your marriage rather than weaken it. Trusting the Lord is doing it right. When you do life right then there will be peace, quietness and confidence. Manipulation is doing it wrong. When you do life wrong there will be doubt, stress and problems.

And the work of righteousness will be peace,
And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.

Isaiah 32:17