A Life with Love Asks Where

When Adam and Eve sinned the Lord did not express any anger with them. He did not take it personally. He did not do anything wrong but it was Adam and Eve that had done wrong. The Lord asked questions. This is a great example of how a parent should be.

But the glory of kings is to search out a matter. Proverbs 25:2

A king is a picture of one who is in authority and responsible for those under him. If you are in a leadership position over someone then you need to ask questions and seek out the matter when someone has done wrong. Don’t ignore it, hoping that it will go away. It will only get worse.

Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9

The Lord has called parents to teach their children the ways of the Lord. Parents need to know where their child is spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. If they don’t know then they need to ask questions. “Where are you?” is a great beginning. When the child knows the parent cares where they are then the child will care where they go.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; Psalm 127:4

It is the responsibility of the parent to send their child out. How an arrow flies is determined by the archer and the character of the arrow. A wise parent knows how far their child is ready to go and a good parent also knows the character of their child. Every child has their own unique strengths and weaknesses and so that particular child may not be ready for a certain challenging situation whereas another child would not be tempted and fail. If you know where your child is then you know where your child can go. A wise parent sets their child up for success.

Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem. Now when evening came David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king’s house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; and when she had purified herself from her uncleanness, she returned to her house. The woman conceived; and she sent and told David, and said, “I am pregnant.” II Samuel 11:1-5

Loyalty and faithfulness are some of the most important character qualities and they are more easily developed in a child when he is young. King David got into trouble and sinned because he was not where he was supposed to be at the appointed time. It was time for the kings to be out to battle. David did not go. The spring was the rainy season and it would have been more comfortable to stay at home where it was warm and dry. A parent must model and teach loyalty and faithfulness through their own actions.

He who pursues righteousness and loyalty finds life, righteousness and honor. Proverbs 21:21

When you teach your child to do what is right, to be faithful to where they should be and to be loyal to those whom the Lord has put them under then you are setting them up to be successful, to live life to the fullest and to receive honor.

Loyalty and truth preserve the king, And he upholds his throne by righteousness. Proverbs 20:28

A parent is equipping their child to be a leader when that parent teaches the child truth and loyalty to living out the truth.

For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice,
And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.
But like Adam they have transgressed the covenant;
There they have dealt treacherously against Me. Hosea 6:6,7

The Lord delights in the loyalty of His people rather than in their religious traditions and rituals. Adam was not loyal to the Lord when he sinned and did not obey the command of the Lord. Disloyalty will bring more heartache, sorrow and regret than one can imagine. Many a son or daughter has gotten in trouble just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. A parent needs to know where their child is all of the time. If a child can not be trusted and “might” do something that would bring greater destruction then a wise parent will create boundaries for their child’s good until their character is formed and they can be trusted. It is the responsibility of the parent to bring the arrow back and work on the character of the arrow so that the arrow will fly straight.

Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”— therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, Genesis 3:22,23a

The Lord God could no longer trust Adam and Eve since they had disobeyed. He knew that since they ate of the one tree then they “might” eat of the tree of life and if they did eat of the tree of life then they would live forever in their sinful state and forever be separated from God. It was God’s love for them that created this new boundary to protect them from further grief.

A Life with Love Does Not Keep Accounts

Love does not keep an account of the wrong done nor does love reward according to our wrongs. When Adam and Eve sinned the Lord could have turned His back on them. He made it clear to them that they were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and yet, they went against Him and ate. The first consequence of their sin was that they were naked. This nakedness was different than the earlier nakedness of before they sinned. Before they sinned they were clothed with God’s glory and His light. They were not ashamed. After they sinned they were ashamed because of their nakedness. Even in their sinful, vulnerable state the Lord provided for them.

The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them. Genesis 3:21

Even then after Adam and Eve sinned the Lord began covering their shame. Love seeks to give grace and does not want to see disgrace or shame happen to another, even when they have done wrong. When Joseph thought Mary had done him wrong by being unfaithful the Bible says that Joseph was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her. Love covers shame rather than make another’s shame known to others.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit. And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly. Matthew 1:18,19

Love does not repeat sins to either the one who sinned or to others. Love forgives.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Especially in relationships, repeating a wrong will destroy the relationship and any intimacy that is there. We have all sinned and no one wants to be reminded of their failures.

He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. Proverbs 17:9

When someone turns to the Lord He says that He separates their sins from them as far as the east is from the west. Since the east and west never meet then we will never have to meet up with our sins if we have trusted in the blood of Jesus Christ to forgive us and cleanse us from our sin.

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

As the Lord has forgiven us we are to forgive others. Only one who has experienced the love and forgiveness of God can live this way. There is no sweeter life than to be free from remembering the sins of others and having the power to forgive others as we have been forgiven. If He forgives and never brings up our sins again then we also ought to do the same with others. Love forgives and does not keep an account of wrongs suffered.

A Life with Love Pays a Price

When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden then they brought a curse on themselves. The curse was the consequence of their disobedience and if they will not fight it but submit to the new boundary, which the curse brought, then it would keep them from sinning some more which would bring even more curses. Sin brings a curse. To be set free from the curse someone else had to take the curse that Adam and Eve brought on themselves by their own sin.

To the woman He said,
“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.”

Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

Cursed is the ground because of you;
In toil you will eat of it
All the days of your life.
“Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
And you will eat the plants of the field;
By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread,
Till you return to the ground,
Because from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.” Genesis 3:16-19

All of us have sinned against God by not obeying His voice and keeping His Law. All of us have received what we deserve and that is the curse of sin and death.

Indeed all Israel has transgressed Your law and turned aside, not obeying Your voice; so the curse has been poured out on us, along with the oath which is written in the law of Moses the servant of God, for we have sinned against Him. Daniel 9:11

Jesus Christ paid the price to redeem us from the curse of the Law and of sin and death. He who did no wrong became sin for us that He might set us free from the power of sin and the fear of death.

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”— Galatians 3:13

Jesus Christ redeemed us with His blood through His death on a cross.

knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.

I Peter 1:18,19

We are under the curse that God gave to Adam and Eve until Jesus Christ returns to rule on earth and those who know Him will rule with Him. The Lord gives grace to the wife to allow her husband to rule over her and to bear children in pain. The Lord gives the man grace to work and toil even though there are weeds in every field of work. If man and woman will not complain but thank the Lord for the reminder of the consequences of sin then they will receive a blessing. It is humbling for a wife to allow her husband to rule over her and it is humbling for a man to work with the weeds. This humbling though keeps them looking to the Lord who loves them and is a present help in time of trouble. It is when we rebel against the boundaries that the Lord has put in our life that makes our life difficult. One day we will be set free from these curses. Until then we must learn to trust and obey the Lord.

Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb, in the middle of its street. On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. There will no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His bond-servants will serve Him; they will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And there will no longer be any night; and they will not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illumine them; and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 22:1-5

The Lord invites all to come to Him and to come into a relationship with Him. If any are enslaved to sin or are afraid of death then let him come to Jesus Christ who is life and Jesus Christ will come into their life and fellowship with them. Those who overcome through Christ will reign with Him in the age to come. We come by faith, trusting in His Word and His promises. He said He is coming back. Once He comes back it will be too late to come to Him. We come by faith now.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. Revelation 3:20,21

A Life with Love Does What is Right

When Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden before they sinned they did not need any rules other than the one that the Lord had given to them. They loved God and they loved each other. Their love was perfect for God and for each other because their hearts were pure. They had never known any evil.

The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.” Genesis 2:16,17

If Adam and Eve had never sinned then they would not have ever needed any more rules or laws to live by. The Lord only gives commandments for our good and our protection. He does not give us commandments to deprive us of anything that would be good for us. The Lord knew that it would not be good for Adam and Eve to come into the knowledge of evil. They would lose their innocence and purity. They would be tempted in ways that the Lord never designed for them to be tempted. The Lord gives the same commandment in the New Testament and that is to not have the knowledge of evil.

For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil. Romans 16:19

The Lord wants us to wise in what is good but innocent in what is evil. We need to be mature in our thinking but babies in the knowledge of evil.

Brethren, do not be children in your thinking; yet in evil be infants, but in your thinking be mature. I Corinthians 14:20

When we become knowledgeable in evil then our thinking has become defiled by what we have seen or heard. When our thinking has become impure then we are not holy in our behavior. One sin always leads to another if we do not repent. The Lord has commanded us to be holy, which means that we are to be separate from the world and do what is right in God’s sight. Then we will be available for the Lord to use us.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

I Peter 1:14-16

When we are holy then the world will know that Jesus Christ is Lord.

I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord,” declares the Lord God, “when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight. Ezekiel 36:23

When we compromise and do not do what is right then we have lost the power and influence in the world that God designed for us to have with the people who have yet to come to know Him. When those who know God sin then the world may say, “they are no different than me” or “they do the same things that I do so I do not have to listen to what they say”.

Like a trampled spring and a polluted well, Is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked. Proverbs 25:26

Before Adam and Eve sinned they were holy. They lost their holiness and they lost their power. The Lord Jesus Christ came to make us holy. He wants us to be innocent in what is evil. The less we know of evil the less we will sin. The more we know of evil then the more we will sin. Evil does not destroy us unless we do it. There is a difference between evil being done to us and being around evil against our will and us voluntarily learning about evil through entertainment or deceiving ourselves by saying “there is some good in this book, movie, etc.” even though there is also the knowledge of evil. You are subjecting yourself to evil when you voluntarily learn about it through compromise. You are bringing destruction to yourself. When you bring destruction to yourself then you are also bringing destruction to anyone with whom you are in a relationship and especially a marriage relationship. The Lord loves us and gives us instructions and commandments to protect us from destroying ourselves and each other. Love keeps His commandments.

and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30,31

When you love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself then you will have fulfilled all of God’s commandments. You will have loved and done what is right in God’s sight. You will be holy in all your behavior. Your life will have power and evil will not destroy you.

the power of an indestructible life. Hebrews 7:16

A Life with Love Has Great Peace

When Adam and Eve lived in the garden and walked with the Lord in sweet fellowship they enjoyed great peace with God and with each other. There was no drama in the garden and life was good. He only had one commandment for them and that was for their good. As long as they loved God and obeyed that one commandment then they would live in peace forever. When they thought that they knew better than God and did their “own thing” and sinned then they no longer enjoyed peace and they were afraid.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” Genesis 3:8-10

Peace and fear can not abide in the same person. When Adam and Eve did not love God by keeping His commandment then sin robbed Adam and Eve of the peace that they knew and replaced the peace with fear. Fear causes us to hide and we no longer experience life as God designed because of our fears. The fears become a snare to us.

The fear of man brings a snare,
But he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted. Proverbs 29:25

Many of our fears are imagined and never come to pass but they influence our lives and cause us to hide. Only the Lord’s love can cast out the fears that we have.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, I John 4:18

As we learn to live in His love by keeping His commandments then we will once again know His presence and experience great peace.

He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.” John 14:21

The more we love His commandments then the more we will keep them. As we keep His commandments then we will see that they are for our good and the good of those around us. Keeping His commandments brings peace to those who keep them and peace in the homes where God and His Word is loved.

Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. Psalm 119:165

When we love God’s Word then we love the Lord and when we love the Lord then we will love His Word. The Word of God became flesh and lived among mankind in the person of Jesus Christ. He is fully man and fully God. God’s Word and His name are equal. When we love Him, His name and His Word then we will have great peace and nothing will cause us to fear.

And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word according to all Your name. Psalm 138:2b

Jesus Christ came to not only restore us to our relationship with God but He came to bring us peace. When we are restored to God through Jesus Christ then we experience and know great peace. Nothing can take that peace away.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27

If someone does not know the Lord then they need to be in great fear for their fears will be realized but those who know the Lord do not need to fear and their desires will be granted because they have put their trust in God.

What the wicked fears will come upon him,
But the desire of the righteous will be granted. Proverbs 10:24

A Life with Love is to Be With

Love is to be with the one whom you love. A person’s presence is one of the greatest gifts that they can give to the one whom they love. The Lord gave Eve to be with Adam.

The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, Genesis 3:12

It is not good for anyone to be alone for very long.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18a

The Lord made us to be in a relationship with Him and to be in relationship with others. Woe to the person who falls and there is not another to lift him up.

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

A marriage with Jesus Christ as the head of the marriage and family will not quickly or easily be torn apart. One who is married will not stay down when they fall if their partner will life them up through prayer and encouragement. A family that prays together stays together.

And He went up on the mountain and summoned those whom He Himself wanted, and they came to Him. And He appointed twelve, so that they would be with Him and that He could send them out to preach, Mark 3:13,14

Jesus chose His disciples because He wanted them to be with Him. He wanted them to be with Him before they served Him. The Lord made man because He wanted man to be with Him. He did not need man but He loved man and delighted in Him. In a similar way, the Lord made Eve to be with Adam.

The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:12a

The Lord gives a wife to a man to first be with her husband. Notice that the Lord did not give Eve any job to do other than to respond to her husband. A woman needs to be with her husband and learn to respond to him first and then to love her husband by serving and helping him according to his needs. A man marries a woman because he believes she wants to be with him. A man longs to be wanted just as a woman longs to be loved.

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands,Titus 2:4a

The word “love” in this verse means to be with and delight in, in other words, to want her husband. This is the only time in the Bible this particular word is used. It means that the wife is to be a “lover of her husband, in other words, to delight in him”. This is also what the Lord desires in His bride, the church. Jesus Christ wants us to delight ourselves in Him.

Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Even greater is the fact that the Lord delights in His children.

But the blameless in their walk are His delight. Proverbs 11:20b

The Lord loves those who are His and especially delights when they come to Him in prayer.

But the prayer of the upright is His delight. Proverbs 15:8b

Love means to be with the one whom you love. The Lord loves it when we come to Him and delight ourselves in Him. A husband loves it when his wife wants him and even more when she tells him she wants him. A wife loves it when her husband wants to just be with her and listen to her. Children will do almost anything for their parent to be with them. If you love someone then you want to be with them. Jesus Christ came down to earth to be with man so that He could remove the barriers forever so that man could be with God forever.

For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, I Peter 3:18a

A Life with Love Needs Good Friends

If you want to find love and keep love in your life and in your marriage then you need good friends. You will become like your friends. If you choose good friends then you will do what is good and right. If you spend time with people who compromise and do what is wrong then it is only a matter of time before you will do what is wrong. Love needs to be nurtured and a truly good friend will encourage faithfulness, love and respect in your life, marriage and friendships.

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” I Corinthians 15:33

Moral excellence is the root of true love. Love and trust go together and if there is not moral excellence then there will not be true love. Bad friends corrupts good morals. When Adam and Eve sinned the Lord asked them who told them they were naked and had they eaten from the tree of which He told them not to eat.

And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” Genesis 3:11

Eve should never have been talking with the serpent. When the serpent questioned whether the Lord had really said something that was evidence enough that he was bad company. The serpent questioning God’s Word engaged Eve in a dialogue of which the serpent would eventually question the consequences of disobeying.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” Genesis 3:1

The serpent questioned what the Lord said and then he questioned whether anything would happen. He put doubt in Eve’s mind. Someone who doubts God’s Word can not be trusted.

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! Genesis 3:4

The Lord did say not to eat from the tree and the Lord did indeed say that they would die if they did so. If the Lord says something then He wants us to believe it. It does not matter if no one else believes it. Unbelief leads to disobedience. If you want to grow strong in love and faithful in obedience then you need to have good friends who will point you to the One who is love.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. I John 4:7,8

A true friend will be more concerned about your relationship with the Lord and what is best for you than their friendship with you. They will want what is best for you over what you think of them.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

We all have a need for friends. If you are a wise and good friend to others then you will attract the same kind of people who will want to have you as a friend. A true friend loves at all times and will protect you from being vulnerable to the wrong kind of people.

A friend loves at all times, Proverbs 17:17a

A wise mother will know her child’s friends. She will ask “who were you with?” and “who told you to do that?”. Other than choosing to follow the Lord the second most important decision is “who” will be your friends. If you want to guard and keep the love in your marriage then you will be very careful who your friends are. Many an adulterous affair has happened with a good friend of the couple. If someone is not faithful to the Lord then they can not be trusted. Also, a husband should never be alone with another woman other than his wife nor should a wife be alone with any other man other than her husband.

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, But who can find a trustworthy man? Proverbs 20:6

Many a person will proclaim or pretend to be a friend but truly good friends are rare and more precious than anything money can buy. Jesus Christ came to be our friend when He laid down His life for us. Those who choose Him first to be their friend will learn what true friendship is and will recognize a true friend when one comes into their life.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

When you are married then your best friend should be your spouse. Friendship is the union of two souls and the Lord brought Eve along to be Adam’s companion and friend. A great marriage is made up of not only two lovers but two soulmates.

A Life with Love Can Be Lost

When Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil the Lord said that they would die. The Bible says that the sin brings death. Man earned death when he sinned.

For the wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23a

The death that man experiences is first in his spirit. Man becomes separated from God spiritually. The spirit is what God made to commune with God. God is Spirit and those who know Him communicate in a spiritual way with God. They worship Him in spirit, they pray or talk with Him through their spirit and He speaks to them through their spirit. Man is the only spiritual creation that God made and separates man from the rest of all creation. When God made man in His image part of that was that God made man spiritual, to know Him and to be in a relationship with Him. That love relationship was lost when man sinned.

God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:24

The death that man next feels is the death to his soul. This death brings the shame of evil and the knowledge of the good that they have lost. One of the aspects of the meaning of good is the highest form of love and so when we sin then we lose experiencing and feeling love from the One whom we have sinned against. The relationship is no longer the same until it is restored. The love has been lost. God still loved man when he sinned but man no longer felt that love. It was lost to him. The soul is made up of the mind, will and emotions. Death to the soul brings the knowledge of the good thing that we had and we lost through our own foolish actions. It is that sick feeling of regret that we feel after we sin. Also, because we have sinned now our will has become a slave of sin and we sin again in the same manner even though with our mind we know it is not good.

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. John 8:34

The last death that we will experience will be death to our body. This death is the destruction that we bring to ourselves through our sin. When we sin we lose the healthy love that we should have to take care of our own body. If Adam and Eve had not sinned then they would have never died. They would have been able to live forever in the presence of God and experienced the delight and joy of being in the garden with Him. We have all inherited the death that Adam brought to us when he sinned. Sickness and death is a part of the curse that came when man rebelled against God by not obeying Him.

Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned— Romans 5:12

So, when man sinned he not only came into the knowledge of evil and lost his innocence and experienced shame but he also came into the knowledge of good. This knowledge of good is what revealed the darkness and sickness of sin and with it came great fear. The knowledge of good that man had now lost was the experiential knowledge of the love, the peace and the incredible joy and delight of a perfect relationship with God and the rest of creation. This knowledge of good brought the torment that one feels knowing what they have lost. One does not miss what one has never known. The knowledge of evil takes away the innocence of trust, of true love, of believing the best and of not fearing. Man lost everything pertaining to life when he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil but most importantly he lost the delight of living in and experiencing God’s perfect love every second of every day. Adam and Eve also lost the perfect love that they had for each other and with it the trust and innocence in their marriage.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, I John 4:18a

A Life Understanding a Man’s Need to Respect a Woman

Men long for respect and they need respect. Men also need to respect a woman and women need for men to respect them. A man needs a woman but he especially needs a woman that he respects. A woman that a man respects will lift him up to a higher standard of behavior. A man generally will not curse around a lady nor will he act in other crude manners. Her respectful behavior is enough to change him as he observes it and her lack of response to any crude jokes or comments is enough to shame him. A man can be a man with other men and not offend them but a man needs to learn how to act in a loving, respectful manner with females.Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. I Corinthians 7:1The word “good” in this verse means, in the original language, the highest form of love.

Understanding A Woman’s Need for Respect

A woman needs respect. A woman’s self worth is affected by how she is treated. If she is treated poorly then she will start to feel poorly about herself. She longs for love and needs love but she also needs respect. Love and respect go hand in hand. If a woman is treated like a queen then she will feel like a queen. If she feels like a queen then she will want to marry a king and feel that she is worthy of a king. If she feels like dirt then she will feel that no king would want to marry her and she will “settle” for far less. A woman’s self worth is one of the most important aspects of who she is. When a man uses a woman in any way then he is neither loving her or respecting her. When a female allows herself to be used then she is bringing destruction to herself. When a man uses a woman then it is like squeezing the juice out of an orange and then discarding the orange. The woman is no longer the same. She is no longer vibrant and feeling healthy about herself because she has been used and rejected. She will often settle for someone “not as nice” as the first man and if she is looking for love in the wrong way then he will squeeze more juice out of her and then discard her. The pattern continues until she is left feeling empty and rejected by men.

but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. Matthew 5:13b

Salt becomes tasteless when it has been compromised. A woman will be rejected and walked over by men if she compromises her morals and allows a man to touch her in inappropriate places or have premariatal sex. A man does not love a woman that he has sex with before marriage. He is using her for his own selfish desire. Nearly all men who are unfaithful to their wives after marriage had sex before marriage. They did not learn to control their passions before marriage and usually can not control them afterwards. Sex is a physical appetite to a man and he must learn to control his sexual drive. He learns to control himself by first learning to control what he looks at. His eyes get him into trouble and the Bible says that the “eyes of man are never satisfied”. It is important that a female dress in a modest manner that does not direct the man’s eyes to sexually stimulating parts of her body. If she does, she will get attention but not the love and respect she longs for and the attention is only for a moment. If he is stimulated then he will want to touch her in an inappropriate manner and she must say “no” so that he does not get what he wants. It is much better if the boundaries are already established by how she dresses.

Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied. Proverbs 27:20

A Life Understanding Man’s Need for Responses

One of the ways that a man will recognize the woman that God has chosen for him is that she will respond to his heart. The Bible says that it was not good for the man to be alone and that God made the man a helpmate who will correspond to him. Cor means heart and so correspond means that she responds to his heart. She learns all about the man and seeks to understand his heart, his needs, his dreams and his desires. She has an innate understanding of the man that God has for her. After they get married she continues to seek to know him and will seek to do what her husband would want her to do for him. This is one of the reasons that happily married couples who have been married for a long time understand what the other is thinking. They have become of one heart and one mind and it happens through seeking to understand each other. The husband is told by the Lord to live with his wife in an understanding manner and the wife learns to understand her husband and respond to his heart. A man learns to live with his wife through her responses to him. If she likes something, such as flowers or candy or gifts then her response teaches him how to please his wife. If he does something that is inappropriate or crude then she does not respond to it and he will quickly learn not to do it if he loves her. In a loving marriage each one seeks to please the other and the husband learns mostly through her responses.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding a Woman’s Need to Respond

A wife communicates her love to her husband through responding to him. Responding to your man is probably one of the most powerful things that a woman can do. A man needs to be wanted by his wife and he feels loved and wanted when she responds to him. She needs to respond outwardly through her excitement at seeing him when he has been away or they have been apart for the day. Most husbands need their wife’s affections through touching and not necessarily in a sexual manner. A man loves to be touched by the woman he loves and it is an affirmation of her love. A  man generally will never get tired of kissing his wife and the more kisses that you give him in response to him then he will love it all the more. The man is the initiator and the woman is the responder. Sometimes a female needs to learn to respond and especially if she has been hurt in the past. The Lord will help you if you ask him.

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, Titus 2:4

Understand that God made the man to be the initiator and the woman to be the responder. A man often does not know what the woman is thinking so he tries to understand what she likes and does not like through her responses so that he will know if he should continue to initiate in that direction and in that manner. Before marriage some females feel that they should be “cool” when a young man asks her out or initiates toward toward her but if she is interested in him then she needs to show a response that lets him know. She only needs to respond to what he initiates. If she does not care to be in a relationship then she can say no and that is okay.

The VERY WORSE THING that a wife can do is close off her spirit to her husband and pretend that everything is okay by going through the motions of doing her “duties” as a wife. She is not fooling anyone but herself and she is confusing the man. She is sending a double signal and it comes across very insincere because it is fake. Be honest, if you have been hurt, let him know in a way that is not judgmental or accusatory. Most men honestly do not know or understand females. He needs you but he needs you to help him understand your needs and you need him to understand you.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

We all need forgiveness. We need God to forgive us and we need to forgive each other. Marriage is challenging in the sense that it involves two people learning to live in harmony with one another, which means that we have to be kind to each other, tender-hearted with one another and forgiving each other. We can only do this if we have received and experienced God’s great love and forgiveness of our many sins.