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Understanding What Brings Dissatisfaction in Marriage

Many of the problems that come in marriages and relationships are expectations. Expecting someone else to fulfill desires and needs in you that another can not fill. No one will ever be able to fulfill the expectations in another. Expectations destroy friendships, marriages and any relationship. Expectations set a person up for disappointments, ongoing ingratitude, anger and eventual bitterness. Expectations are desires, needs and standards that are ingrained in you because of your background, the way you were brought up, cultural expectations or from books or movies you have seen. Expectations are one of the major reasons for dissatisfaction in marriages. Satisfying marriages bring much happiness and less disappointment for both spouses.

Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied. Proverbs 27:20

Understanding What Brings Satisfaction in Marriages

Expectations are a lack of maturity. Nearly everyone when they get older and more mature will be honest with themselves and acknowledge that they had unrealistic expectations of their spouse when they were younger in their marriage. Happiness in marriage is dependent on satisfaction and satisfaction comes when our needs and desires are met. However, there is a difference between needs and desires. Fulfilled desires are gifts from God. Fulfilled needs are promises fulfilled by God. When a person learns to look to God for their needs and their desires to be fulfilled then they will find great satisfaction.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

When a person understands that only God can give them satisfaction then they will learn to look to Him. He is the Creator and Giver of life and He loves to give to His children. He wants man to be satisfied in his marriage, his job and anything else that he undertakes.

The fear of the Lord leads to life, So that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil. Proverbs 19:23

And My people will be satisfied with My goodness,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 31:14b

The Lord is man’s provider and He will never disappoint those who put their trust in Him. He will take care of their needs and they will never lack. The Christian life is a life of faith and a child of God will see God’s provision after he or she will trust God. Man will never be able to satisfy another. There will be eventual disappointment. When one learns to give their expectations to the Lord and leave them with Him then peace and satisfaction will be the outcome. When someone learns to be satisfied in God then they will be grateful for what the Lord gives and they will understand that no one can make them happy but the Lord.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:3-5

Understanding the Meaning of “If only you had done this”

One of the aspects of getting older is seeing life in the past and seeing our mistakes. With the perspective of hindsight come regrets and pain. However, life does not have to be one of regrets. Not everyone has great regrets and the fewer regrets a person has the happier they will be. Life is made up of choices. Good choices bring happiness and bad choices bring pain. There is a book that tells us what the good choices are and how to avoid the pain of bad choices. Everyone should read this book before they make any choices and especially the very important choices. If a parent loves their child then they will teach their child what is in this book so that when the time comes they will make the right choices. The Lord is the One who wrote this book to help us and guide us through life. He loves us and gave us this book. However, He can not make us read and study it. We must make the decision that we will read, study and memorize it so that when the time comes to make decisions we will already know what to do.

“If only you had paid attention to My commandments! Then your well-being would have been like a river, And your righteousness like the waves of the sea. Isaiah 48:18

The Lord says to all of us, that if only we will pay attention to His commandments then our well being will never end, but flow continuously and our right decisions will be like the waves of the sea, which never stop. We will do what is right continually and our inner cup of joy and happiness will overflow. In other words, we will love life and live an incredible life. We will have the happiness that we long for and the love and respect that we need. This is the kind of life that the Lord wants for us. He has told us in His Word what we need to do in every area of life. If only…we will do it then we will thrive in life and we will be blessed in every area.

But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. James 1:25

It is never too late to learn. If you have not been reading the Bible, God’s instruction manual for life, then begin today. Read it every morning when you get up and every evening before you go to bed. When a verse speaks to you then memorize it. If you will be faithful to do this and to do what it says then you will see changes in your life for the better. You will start to have great peace, quietness within and confidence when you make decisions. You will sleep better and not have so many doubts. You will truly be on the pathway of life.

And the work of righteousness will be peace,
And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.
Then my people will live in a peaceful habitation,
And in secure dwellings and in undisturbed resting places; Isaiah 32:17,18

Understanding a Woman’s Need for Respect

Women long for respect but many do not receive it. Respect is an aspect of love that says, “you are of great worth and worthy of honor”. Everyone wants respect and honor but few understand how to receive it. Love and respect are two of a woman’s biggest needs. They are both expressions of the same value, and that is, the worth of a person. Love and respect make a woman feel of great worth. When a woman does not receive respect and love then she starts to feel worthless. When she feels of less worth, then she makes poor decisions with bad consequences. A woman needs love and respect. A woman who fears God, which means that she lives a life respecting and honoring the Lord and doing what He says, is a woman who will be honored and respected.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Understanding the Nature of Respect

It is not charm and it is not beauty that causes a man to respect a woman. He may want to be with her temporarily because of her beauty and charm but if she is not a woman of godly character then he will not respect her nor desire to make a life commitment of marriage to her. In fact, if he is not of a good character then he may be tempted to use her and she will be exploited. Men respect a woman who is virtuous. A woman of virtue is not exploited by men. A virtuous woman is one who does not compromise what is right. There is a sense of what is right in our conscience. We may feel guilty the first time we violate our conscience but if we continue to go against our conscience then our conscience becomes hardened and it no longer seems wrong to us. This pattern continues and before long we are living a compromised life. The outcome of a compromised life is that men will no longer show respect for the one who has compromised. Not only will men lose respect for women who compromise but they will soon walk all over them.

You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. Matthew 5:13

Understand How Respect and Honor Can Be Regained

A woman loses her freshness or saltiness when she compromises and violates her conscience. The word “violate” means to change. When a woman’s conscience is violated then she is changed. A man is not showing love and respect for any woman who he wants to become physically intimate with before marriage. He is loving himself and it is not love for her but it is lust for her. Any man who has sex with a woman before marriage is violating and using her. When a man uses and violates the woman then she is changed. She no longer feels worthy of the very honor, love and respect that she longs for and it now eludes her. She feels “worth-less”. Is she worth less than before? No, for she is of great worth to the Lord Jesus Christ. He loves her for who she is now and not merely for who she was or who she will become. Jesus Christ loves her for exactly who she is now, no matter how much she has compromised or been violated. If she will come to the Lord Jesus Christ and tell Him that she needs Him and that she wants to belong to Him then He will restore her worth. He is the only One who can change her into the beautiful woman she longs to be and give her the honor and respect that she longs for. He is God and He is able to restore her worth. She is worth so much to Him that He died for her. Come to Jesus Christ if you have compromised or been violated and let Him make you into a new creation of great value and worth.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17

Understanding that Every Man Has One Who Is His Ruler

No man is a law unto himself but every man has One over him who is his head and rules him. The sooner a man recognizes who his Ruler is and submits himself to his Ruler’s laws then the happier he will be. The Lord made every man to be a king but the Lord says that He is the Ruler of the kings of the earth. No matter how much honor, position, rank and authority that a man is given in this life there is still One who rules over him and is his authority. The Lord Jesus Christ is Ruler over every man and He is the head of every family. Someone may well ask, “What if the man does not recognize the Lord Jesus Christ as his authority and ruler?” The answer to that question is that Jesus Christ is the Head of every man and home and whether a man or husband recognizes the Lordship, authority and rule of Jesus Christ, it does not change the fact that Jesus Christ is Lord of all. A man will be miserable and have sorrow in one form or another if he does not submit to Jesus Christ. He will have even greater misery if he mistreats his wife or his children. If a wife or child has put their trust in Jesus Christ and is being mistreated by their husband or father and cries out to the Lord Jesus Christ then the Lord will come and protect them. The Lord is ultimately the One whom we trust and He is very effective in dealing with an unruly husband or father. A wife who trusts in the Lord can submit to her husband because God is greater than her husband and promises to exercise His power in dealing with her husband if her husband does not love her and live with her in an understanding manner.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, Ephesians 5:22-25

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. I Corinthians 11:3

Understanding What Both Husband and Wife Need to Do

There is an order of authority in the home. It is for our protection and provision. A person under authority can always go to the one who is their authority for protection and provision. With authority comes responsibility. The higher the authority then the greater the responsibility. The Lord is the final authority of which we are all under. However, His provision comes through the one whom He has given the responsibility to. Jesus loved His own who were in the world and He loved them to the end. The Lord has called the husband to love his wife in a sacrificial expression of love. This means that he is to die to himself and his desires in order to love his wife the way she needs to be loved. He is to live with her in an understanding manner. The Lord meets the one who wants to do life right and the Lord will teach the husband how to love his wife and when he becomes a father then the Lord will teach him how to love his children. In a similar way, a woman is to look to the Lord and He will teach her how, as a wife, she is to respect her husband and submit to him and as a mother, how she is to love her children. This is much easier to do if her husband loves her. The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother with a Christlike love. The greatest thing a mother can do for her children is to respect and honor their father. When children grow up in a loving home where the parents love the Lord and love each other then the children will learn to love and respect others also. The children will feel loved because when parents love each other then they will love their children. A person’s relationship with their spouse is an expression of their relationship with the Lord. Do not say that you love God if you do not love your spouse and your children.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. I John 4:20

If you want to see the Lord act on your behalf then you must do what He says. He will protect you and He will very severely deal with your husband if he is not treating you right. If you are under God’s authority, which means, that you must live under your husband’s authority and submit to him then the Lord will act on your behalf. The Lord says that He will not hear a man’s prayers if the man does not love his wife and treat her right. The Lord says that He will not accept the husband’s worship if he mistreats his wife. The Lord says that if a man does not provide for his family then he is worse than an unbeliever, who will spend eternity in hell. The Lord says that there are some serious consequences for the husband and father who does fulfill his God given responsibilities. However, the wife and the children will not see God’s love unless they are doing what they ought to be doing. The Lord is the head of every man and the husband is the head of his wife and children. The wife needs to submit to the husband and the children need to obey their father. When they are submissive and obedient to the Lord then they need to cry out to the Lord if there is anything wrong. He will hear their cries to Him and answer them.

For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. I Peter 3:5-7

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Malachi 2:13-14

Understand the Source of Wisdom

The Bible says that if a person is wise then they will experience the wonderful and sweet fruit of wisdom, which is love, purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, knowledge, honor, riches and life. However, if a person is not wise then they will experience the bitter fruit of not being wise, which is a broken heart, jealousy, envy, much grief, regret, guilt, shame, loneliness, bitterness, ignorance, a hard life, dishonor and death. There is nothing that can compare to wisdom. Wisdom gives life to life and keeps a person from experiencing the snares of death. Wisdom is available to all and whoever finds it loves his own soul. He who does not find wisdom neglects himself and brings grief to himself. Wisdom is more valuable than riches, honor, and power, for without wisdom all of these other things can destroy a person. A person may gain the whole world but without wisdom then he will never be satisfied and will only want more. Wisdom is a gift that comes from God. A person who is not a Christian can read God’s Word, which is the Bible, and receive knowledge but not wisdom. Wisdom is the illumination of knowledge to know what to do for a desired good result. Many people want wisdom without God but wisdom only comes from God. A nonChristian can only have knowledge and knowledge usually makes arrogant. It is when we humble ourselves before God that He will give us wisdom. Wisdom is necessary for true success. The success of the world will ultimately destroy a person if he does not get wisdom. It is only the Lord that gives riches, honor, power, etc. without sorrow.

Blessed is a person who finds wisdom,
And one who obtains understanding.
For her profit is better than the profit of silver,
And her produce better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
And nothing you desire compares with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
And all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are those who hold on to her. Proverbs 3:13-18

Understand that Wisdom Is the Instruction for Life

Wisdom belongs to the Lord, who is the author of life. Wisdom is how to live life right so that you will be successful and experience great joy and gladness. Wisdom is protection from pain and wisdom is instruction on how to gain what is good. Most people ultimately learn wisdom from either experiencing the pain that comes from not doing wisdom or they experience the happiness that comes from doing wisdom. Wisdom is how to do life right. We recognize when life is done right but often we do not know how to do it for ourselves. We can see if someone has a good marriage but often we don’t know what to do to have a good marriage. We can see if another’s children are excelling in life but often we struggle with getting our child to do well. Wisdom is not elusive to the one who seeks God. The one who does not seek the Lord will not ever find wisdom. He may find knowledge but he will not receive wisdom. He will only know the pain in his heart of not doing wisdom. Wisdom belongs to the Lord and He gives it to those who know Him. The knowledge of God is understanding and the one who has understanding will also have wisdom.

Wisdom rests in the heart of one who has understanding, But in the heart of fools it is made known. Proverbs 14:33

If you will only ask the Lord for wisdom then He will give it to you. It is one of the few promises that the Lord gives to all, to whoever will ask Him for wisdom, that He will give it and give it generously. The Lord wants to help you. The Lord loves you. He is waiting for us to come to Him. If you are struggling in an area then go to Him and ask Him for wisdom.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Get wisdom. Humble yourself before the Lord and acknowledge Jesus Christ as the source of true wisdom. You will be glad. Scoffing is turning our back on the Lord and on His ways. When we act according to our understanding or the bad counsel of others then we are the ones who suffer. God does not delight in your pain but He delights in the one who comes to Him, even if it is to avoid pain. Taste and see that the Lord is good. It is the kindness of God that leads us to repent of following our own thoughts and wanting to go our own ways. He loves you and His ways are good and kind.

If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, And if you scoff, you alone will bear it. Proverbs 9:12

Love is not elusive nor is it a fantasy but love is a gift. Love is a gift that God gives to mankind from Him and it is the most pleasant and desirable of all God’s gifts.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; I Corinthians 13:5-8a

Love enters the heart and changes a person from the inside to the outside. When someone knows that they are loved then they are secure and satisfied. Love takes away fears, humiliation, shame, rejection, anxieties and every other negative thing that destroys us. Love can not be bought and there is not anything anyone can do to work for love. Love is a gift from the giver. Love must be received as a gift.

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13

Faith will one day be done away with because it won’t be necessary. Hope will one day be fulfilled. Love will never end. Love is eternal and those who have love will live eternally. God is love and when a person becomes a Christian then God comes to live in them and when He comes into their life then love comes into their heart.

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. I John 4:8

God is love and God created man to be loved. Man turned his back on God’s love and chose to go his own way. God’s love did not change and He sent Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son into the world to show mankind His great love.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. I John 4:9

Jesus Christ lived a perfect life, died for our sins and rose again. He is coming again for those who love Him, so that they might be with Him forever. He will love them forever and they will live forever in His love. The gift of God’s love comes through receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38,39

There is nothing that can separate us from God’s love once we have received it. God’s love is forever. When we receive Jesus Christ then He releases us from our sins.

and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood— Revelation 1:5

This gift is offered to all and any who will come to Jesus Christ can receive God’s gift of love. Jesus Christ will never leave the one who comes to Him and receives Him. When we receive Jesus Christ then we receive God’s love and we come into His kingdom.

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13,14

When we turn from ourselves to God to follow Him then He transfers us from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in whom we receive forgiveness of all of our sins.

that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:9-13

When we receive Jesus Christ then we also receive God’s gift of love. When Jesus Christ comes into our life then God loves us with the same love with which He loves Jesus. This is an amazing fact. We, who are sinners, and Jesus Christ who never sinned are loved with the same love.

so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. John 17:23b

Do you feel loved? Do you know that there is One who loves you? Have you received the gift of love? His love for you will never leave nor will His love ever fail.

for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” Hebrews 13:5b