Marriage – Instructions To A Young Life

A Life that Begins Marriage Right

The beginning of marriage starts before you even meet the person that you are to marry. This may sound a little strange but most, if not all, of the problems in marriage are the weeds of the seeds that were planted before marriage. How much easier it is to only plant good plants with good fruit in our marriage rather than to allow the seeds of weeds or plants with bad fruit to be sown. We all reap what we sow.

Galatians 6:7-9 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

There are three enemies of a great marriage. These three enemies will destroy the love that God designed. A great marriage can be the closest experience to heaven if done God’s way. The Lord designed for marriage to be the closest picture of God’s love.

I John 2:15,16 Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

The word “lust” literally means desire. When we lust for something then we are simply desiring something that is outside of God’s will. God’s will is perfect and His love is perfect. When we succumb to a lust then we have given in to a desire that is not a part of His will and it will bring destruction to our lives and the lives of those around us. A great marriage is made of two people who have learned to not give in to the lust of the flesh or the lust of the eyes. They also have recognized the deceitfulness and emptiness of the boastful pride of life. These three things will destroy love in a marriage but they must be dealt with in a person’s life before they are married. We take into a marriage who we are. If we have failed in these areas then we are taking into our marriage the seeds of failure that will reap a marriage without true love or respect. You can not keep covered up who you are in your heart.

James 1:12-17 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

It is through learning to persevere under the trials of life that our character is formed. Blessed in the man or woman and blessed will be their marriage if they have learned before marriage to flee from temptation and to turn to the Lord with all of their heart to receive His grace to do life right. If you can seek Jesus Christ and learn to walk in His ways before marriage then your marriage will be a picture of life rather than death. If you give into your lusts before marriage then you will be greatly tempted after marriage and it is you, yourself who will bring about the death of your marriage. Marriage is a gift from the Lord that He wants to give to His children but it must be done God’s way.

Ecclesiastes 3:14 I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him.

The Lord is perfect in all His ways and there is nothing to add to it and nothing to take from it. God has so worked that we should fear and honor Him. He is good and His love is perfect. When you do marriage God’s way then you will praise Him for His good and perfect gift.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

It is most important to remember than you can only have a great marriage through Jesus Christ alone. He is the One who designed marriage and He is the One who will give you the strength and wisdom in how to do marriage right. If you did not start marriage right then He will help you if you turn to Him with all of your heart. Where sin, which is giving into lust, abounds His grace and love abounds all the more. There is no life and no marriage that is beyond His grace and mercy.

Romans 5:20b,21 but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Just as when sin reigns in a person’s life there will be death when grace reigns in a person’s life then there will be righteousness, or in other words, the life and marriage will be done right with the outcome of life. However, the grace, righteousness and life is only through Jesus Christ.

A Life of A Great Marriage

A great marriage is God’s design for His children if it is His will for them to be married. He came that we might have an abundant life and part of that abundant life is an abundant marriage if marriage is a part of that life.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

It is the devil who comes only to steal, kill and destroy and he will do that not only in your life but in your marriage if you let him. The Bible says to resist the devil and he will flee from you.

James 4:6-8 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

The first step to having a great marriage is to realize and acknowledge that you can not do it on your own. We all need God’s grace and the way to get God’s grace and help is to humble yourself before the Lord. He gives grace to the humble. He opposes the proud. Pride says that “I can do it on my own and I can do it my way.” When you humble yourself before the Lord then you are resisting the devil who whispers in your ear that “you have got this and don’t need the Lord”. Cleanse your hands means that you need to take it out of your hands and put it in the hands of the Lord by giving it to Him. Purify your hearts means that you can not be double minded, but single minded by being fully surrendered to the Lord. A double minded person is one who can not decide how to do something. Should they do it “this way or that way”. A pure heart says that you want only to do it God’s way. When we are fully surrendered to the Lord and put our marriage or future marriage in God’s hands then He will show us His ways and give us His grace. God’s ways are God’s wisdom and He will give to all who ask Him if they are not double minded.

James 1:5-8 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

So, the beginning of a great marriage is to ask God for wisdom. Don’t lean on your own understanding but trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Faith is trusting in the Lord and asking Him for wisdom is an expression of that faith. He wants to help you and direct you. His ways are perfect and He is good.

Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

If you will build your marriage on God’s wisdom then it will be firmly established and will be able to endure the storms of life. The days will be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Your marriage and home will be a refuge to you and all who enter.

Proverbs 24:3,4 By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.

A Life that Has Understanding

When you have understanding then you will enjoy life so much more and will be much less frustrated than others without understanding. Understanding will give you insight in decisions and make you more successful because of your right choices in life.

I Chronicles 22:12,13 Only the Lord give you discretion and understanding, and give you charge over Israel, so that you may keep the law of the Lord your God. Then you will prosper, if you are careful to observe the statutes and the ordinances which the Lord commanded Moses concerning Israel. Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be dismayed.

The more understanding that you have the more wise counsel that you will have to guide your life and to help others.

Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase in learning,
And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,

When you have understanding then it will watch over you.

Proverbs 2:11 Discretion will guard you,
Understanding will watch over you,

When you have God’s understanding then you will learn more and more to trust Him and to not trust your own understanding. Your own understanding is limited to what you see or feel about a situation. God’s understanding is impartial and is based on His knowledge of life.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.

Understanding calls to us to live according to her ways. The word “folly” means stupidity. When we lack God’s understanding about life we have a tendency to do stupid things. Stupid decisions and stupid activities rob us of life.

Proverbs 9:6 “Forsake your folly and live,
And proceed in the way of understanding.”

When one has understanding then they will recognize those that do not and will not fall into the snares of people who will get them into trouble and bring grief to their lives. Many a man’s life was made very sorrowful because of the woman he married. Understanding will keep a man from the woman of folly. A person lacking in understanding is naive.

Proverbs 9:13-18 The woman of folly is boisterous,
She is naive and knows nothing.
She sits at the doorway of her house,
On a seat by the high places of the city,
Calling to those who pass by,
Who are making their paths straight:
“Whoever is naive, let him turn in here,”
And to him who lacks understanding she says,
“Stolen water is sweet;
And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
But he does not know that the dead are there,
That her guests are in the depths of Sheol.

A godly mother will teach her sons to avoid the woman of folly. A wise son will listen to his mother. A man can not see through women and in the same way a female can not see through males. A young lady needs her father’s counsel and a young man needs his mother’s counsel when it comes to choosing a life partner. If you do not have a mother or father in your life then go to an older godly person who has understanding so that they can give you wise counsel. Other than choosing who will be your Master in life the next most important decision that you will make will be who your mate will be. Choose wisely and you will be blessed. Choose foolishly and that choice will become a curse to you.

A Life that is Morally Upright

Morality and immorality are opposites. Immorality is exchanging eternal values for temporal values. Esau was immoral by trading his birthright for a meal. His birthright was his so why was his action immoral? His birthright was what had eternal value and the meal had temporal value.

Hebrews 12:16 that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal.

If we do not wait for God’s timing then we are also godless. Esau would have gotten some food but he could not wait.

Isaiah 64:4 For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.

The Lord has far more for you than what you can see or have heard of if you will only wait for Him.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,

He can even do more than what you can think of if you will only trust Him and wait for Him.

James 1:16,17 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

Do not be deceived and listen to the lies of the devil that come out of the world or that even come into your thoughts. The Lord wants to give you good things and perfect gifts.

Isaiah 55:8,9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Learn to think His thoughts and learn His ways. His thoughts are revealed to us in His Word and that is also how we learn His ways. He has given His Word to us. It is His revelation of who He is. It is the only way that we know the only true God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us through Jesus Christ.

Deuteronomy 29:29 “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law.

He wants to teach us His ways and He wants us to observe His Words, by observing He means to study, know and obey them.

Psalm 25:4 Make me know Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths.

Are you thinking His thoughts and learning His ways. It is a lifelong process and the more we know His ways then the more we will know Him and experience His good gifts. That is why the Lord says over and over again in His Word that the ones who keep His commandments and follow His ways are blessed. Morality is keeping His ways and being obedient to His Words, which are eternal values. Immorality is doing what you want to do and satisfying your flesh, which are temporal values. You can be morally pure today if you will turn to the Jesus Christ with all of your heart. It is the state of your heart today and has nothing to do with your past. If you have blown it morally then confess your sins to Him and He will cleanse you and give you a new start and make you a new person. The old things pass away and all things become new.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

A Life that Loves

It has been said that people are happiest doing two things and which these two things are loving and learning. The Lord made us to love and He made us to learn. Both of these activities help keep the focus off of ourselves. The most unhappiest people in the world are the people who are all about themselves. We are basically selfish and only the Lord can change our hearts and character so that we will love others more than ourselves. God is love and when we are filled with the Lord’s Spirit then we too will love others as He has loved us.

I John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

God’s love was made known to us through the life and death of His only begotten Son.

I John 4:9-11 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

If the Lord so loved us this way then we also ought to love one another. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

I John 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

When the Lord permeates all of your life and relationships then love is what will characterize them. Even if the other people are not loving they will usually eventually respond to the love of Christ in you.

I John 4:12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

One of the most exciting things as a Christian is to love people who you naturally would not love and it can only be done by His Holy Spirit abiding in you. He will love through you and will give you a genuine love for others. As you walk with Him then you will start to see others the way Jesus does and you will have compassion on the people you are around.

I John 4:16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

Love is the opposite of judgment. Judgment condemns but love forgives and accepts.

I John 4:17,18 By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

If we love others then we will not fear in the day of judgment because we have done what our Lord commanded of us. His love casts out the fear in us when we will stand before Him. Sin brings guilt and guilt brings fear. Doing right brings peace and peace brings confidence.

I John 4:19-21 We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

The Lord will love through you. God loves us because He is love. Love is not dependent on the recipient but on the giver. Have you received God’s love? If so, then the evidence will be that you also will love. It is by our love for one another that the world will know that we are Christians.

John 13:34,35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

A Life that Does Not Give Away Intimacy

There is a saying, “If the milk is free why buy the cow?”. There are certain gifts that have been given to us and that a young lady should not give away except to the right person at the right time. She should not give away her body to men but it is to be saved for her husband alone and only should be given to him after he has taken her in marriage. Marriage is a man’s commitment to a young lady to love her, to cherish her, to protect her, to provide for her and ultimately to lay down his life for her. Many a man will make promises to get what they want and then once they have gotten their desires then they never fulfill their promises. Engagement is not marriage and the same rules for dating apply during the engagement period.

I Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition but it is a 100/100 relationship. Each one gives all of oneself to the other so that they might become one. However, what is right before marriage is wrong after marriage. It is right to abstain from sexual relations before marriage and wrong to withhold from each other after marriage. There is a saying that girls that do “it” before marriage don’t want to do “it” after marriage so it is foolish for both to compromise God’s standard of morality. God is not mocked. He has His standards for our good and we are foolish not to abide by what He has said.

Galatians 6:7,8 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

Moral excellence is the root of true love in a marriage and it is expressed through waiting until after the wedding to have a physical relationship. If two people are morally excellent in their standards then they will trust each other after they are married. If a man and woman compromise before marriage then the trust will not be there as it could have been had they waited.

II Peter 1:5-7 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.

If you have compromised God’s moral standard then it is not too late to repent but there needs to be repentance and though that may be hard it is necessary. Repentance means that you are turning your back on your sin and turning to God. However, you must keep turning to the Lord so that you do not fall back into your old ways. You also must flee from temptation. Temptations are often much stronger if you have tasted of the pleasures of that particular sin. You do not miss what you have never known.

II Timothy 2:22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

You can, by God’s grace, keep His standards of righteousness. God is faithful and will provide a way of escape to the one who calls on Him and puts their trust in Jesus Christ.

I Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

A Life that Understands God’s Design for The Wife

God’s ways are perfect and they are good. The Lord gave us marriage as a gift and for our good. God’s design is for the husband to love and honor his wife and for the wife to respect and love her husband. A husband needs to be respected and a wife needs to be loved. If a husband loves his wife then his wife will want to respect her husband and in the same way, if a wife respects her husband then the husband will want to love and cherish his wife. Together they are a picture of God’s relationship with His people, which is a love relationship. When we live according to God’s ways then we will know significance and worth and feel secure and free. When we follow His ways by faith then we receive understanding. Often we want to understand first and then follow but we are to “trust and obey” the Lord and then we receive understanding. The husband is not to “lord over the wife” and the wife is not to “go her own way”. The Lord has made the husband and wife to be one. It is the most intimate of all relationships and when experienced according to God’s design it becomes the sweetest of all relationships and brings much comfort and joy to both the husband and wife. They each need the other. It is true that “it is not good for man to be alone”. This applies to both men and women. Even though sometimes the Lord gives the grace for someone to not marry, it is God’s design for most to marry. I hope that this post will bring you encouragement and instruction on how to have not only life in your marriage but an abundant life in your marriage. Jesus Christ came that we might not only have life but an abundant life. He loves us and gave His life for us that we might know love, peace and joy, which comes through Him. This post is God’s design for the wife in the marriage.

A wife is a gift to her husband. So much so that the Lord uses the word helper in Genesis 2, which can also be translated savior. It is the only time in Scripture that word is referred to a person. Every other time that word refers to God.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

That is how important a wife is to her husband. When she is a godly wife then she is truly like the Proverbs 31 wife and she “does him good all the days of her life” and “the heart of her husband trusts in her and he has no lack of gain”. She does not bring her husband grief but she is so valuable to him that he not only desires her but he needs her.

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12

The second word the Lord uses is that she is “suitable” to him. This word means in the Hebrew that she is to “correspond to him”. When the word correspond is broken down then it literally means “cor” and “respond”. She is to respond to his heart, since “cor” means heart. This is a beautiful picture of God’s people (the church) as we are to be like King David and be a people after God’s own heart.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

There are truths in God’s Word concerning marriage that are often overlooked. One of these truths is that “moral excellence” is the root of true love. A wife longs to feel loved by her husband. If she feels loved then she will want to do anything to please him because that is how the Lord has made her. However, if a couple has compromised morally before their marriage then they have sown seeds of destruction that are manifested after their marriage. This truth is found in II Peter 1. The Lord tells us seven characteristics that we must have if we want Christian love in our relationships. The first is to supply moral excellence.

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. II Peter 1:5-7

It is the female that allows a man to touch her in ways that are reserved for marriage. The Lord instructs the man not to “touch” a woman in Corinthians. The Lord says that it is not good for a man to touch a woman. The word “good” means the highest form of love. So, the way a man shows love to a woman is to wait until marriage to touch her. This is important because once there is touch in a relationship between a man and a woman then the relationship changes. She has given part of herself to the man. Not only has the relationship changed in that way but also the female begins to be deceived. She can no longer see clearly.

Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. I Corinthians 7:1

There is another truth important in marriage relationships and this truth is to protect the female, especially when she can’t see clearly. This truth is in Corinthians that “the father gives the daughter away” to the man she is to marry. He transfers the authority and responsibility to the “husband to be” at the wedding ceremony. Since a woman is so easily deceived she is to never be out from under protection and authority. Her father is her protection from the Lord before marriage and her husband is her protection from the Lord after marriage. Sometimes when a wife does not feel loved by her husband then she needs to ask herself these two questions: “Did we morally compromise before marriage?” and “Did my father want me to marry him?” She may say to herself that her father did not say anything but that is usually because he knew that she would do it anyway. These truths are very important to understand because a female can never see through a man. She needs her father to see the man for who he is. A father will not want to give his daughter to a man that he does not approve of for his daughter. This truth is also very important to understand from a female point of view. If she violated these truths then she married this man out of disobedience and wanting to “go her own way” and then when she wants to leave him because she does not feel loved then the disobedience is continuing and now she wants to “go her own way” again. If she can get someone who has authority in the church to say that she can leave her husband then it seems that she has approval to leave her husband.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:3-5

However, the Lord has given the responsibility to older women to teach the younger women to “love their husbands”. An older woman can see through the manipulative tactics of another woman whereas a pastor can not. The Lord has made men to protect women and often a woman can appeal to that aspect in a pastor so that he will tell her that if she is being abused then she should leave her husband.

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. I Corinthians 7:10

Even if a woman is in a marriage that is difficult then the Lord has given her clear instruction on what a wife should do. He says in I Corinthians 7:10 “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband”. This is very clear and straightforward. She is not to leave. When a wife leaves her husband then she is relieving him of the responsibility of marriage that comes with the authority that God has given to him. She is getting out from her God given authority. She is allowing herself to be influenced and deceived by the evil one. She has no protection from the lies that she hears in her heart and the lies that she hears from others. She has opened herself up to much greater pain and grief. It is very rare that a man will abuse a woman that he respects. She sowed the seeds of disrespect before they were married. However, the marriage is not hopeless, for with the Lord, there is always hope.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. I Peter 3:1-6

The answer is not for her to leave. Rather the answer is for her to apply I Peter 3: 1-6 This passage is very important to understand when the first four words are understood. “In the same way” is referring to being mistreated as Jesus was and to do what Jesus did, if we are His follower. Jesus was reviled and suffered greatly. However, He kept entrusting Himself to Him to judges righteously. The Lord will deal with a husband who mistreats his wife. It is important to understand that nearly every wife will “feel” mistreated at some time or other and some will feel “abused”. Whether she is suffering unjustly or justly the Lord will help her. Women can be very sensitive to things that a man is totally unaware of and she may feel unloved and unappreciated. Sometimes a man has to learn how to “love” his wife. If a woman responds to her husband in a God given way then he will learn how to live with her in an understanding manner. This is crucial for a husband to understand as each wife is uniquely made.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…I Peter 3:7a

The next truth in the I Peter 3:1-6 passage is that she is to submit to her own husband. She is not obligated to submit to any other man. A woman can only submit and respond to one man. The expression of her submissiveness to her husband is obedience, “being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord,”.

Jesus Christ is a wife’s LORD and her husband is her lord.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24

Submission is obedience. Obedience is the expression of submissiveness. They are hand and glove. This is very important as a woman may be tempted to say to herself, “I am submitting to him but I don’t have to obey him”. The Lord has called her to not only submit but to obey her husband.

The Lord says that a woman is not to say that she made a mistake in marrying the man.

Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? Ecclesiastes 5:6

What are the works of her hands? It is her children. One of the reasons why the Lord says that He hates divorce is because of what it does to the children.

This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:13-16

How many children have been hurt by divorce? How it must grieve the heart of the Lord. What is the answer for the wife if her husband mistreats her? She is to keep her marriage vow.

When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! Ecclesiastes 5:4,5

The marriage vow is made to God. It is not ended until death. Even it one of the married persons is unfaithful it does not nullify the marriage vow of the other. The Lord gives instruction on what a wife should do if she does leave her husband.

(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), I Corinthians 7:11a

Again, the Lord speaks to this issue in His Word.

But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. I Peter 2:20b

Many struggles in marriages come from not following God’s blueprint for marriage. However, He says that when His ways are not kept then grace abounds. Grace abounds to do the right thing. This grace is not a freedom to do what we want or “as a covering for evil”. This grace is the ability to live in obedience to God’s ways.

but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, Romans 5:20b

The Lord says in His Word that, “God meets the one who delights in doing righteousness”. Righteousness is doing it right, which is obeying His commandments and living God’s way. Another verse is “the work of righteousness is peace and the service of righteousness is quietness and confidence forever”. How wonderful it is when God’s people live according to God’s ways. There is peace in the home and grace truly reigns through righteousness, that is, living according to God’s blueprint.

so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:21b

It is only by God’s grace that a husband and wife can learn to “consider one another more important than themselves”, which is the attitude that characterized Jesus Christ. The biggest enemy to love is selfishness and it is only in Christ that someone can learn to love in an unselfish manner. When this is done in the marriage then this couple experiences the greatest of all loves and they become a fragrant aroma of God’s love to all who know them.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, Philippians 2:3-5

A Life with An Understanding of Men

Women often will think that men are clueless when it comes to women but the truth of the matter is that often women are clueless when it comes to men. We need each other and yet unless we know the One who created men and women, we will never understand each other. Since this is a constant source of frustration among women it is good to know a few things that the Lord says a man needs and wants in a woman

Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

A man needs a companion so that he will not be alone. He needs a companion with whom he can share his life with and who will help him and support him. He needs a woman who will respond to his heart, one who understands what he would want done and one whom he can trust.

Proverbs 31:10-12 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

A man needs a wife who will love him all the days of her life and will do him good and not evil. He needs a wife who will not bring him grief or will shame him, a wife that he can confide his deepest needs to and she will still love and respect him, knowing that it is his weaknesses and needs that cause him to need her and love her so very much. A great marriage is one where both the husband and wife want and need each other but are not dependent on each other in an insecure way, but rather realizing that it is their mutual needs that cause each to complement the other so that each one can reach their full potential.

Titus 2:4,5 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands,

The word “love” in this verse really means in the original Greek, to “want or be a lover of” her husband. A man needs and wants a wife who wants him. He married her because he believed that she wanted him. The words “I want you” to a man are similar to the words “I love you” to a woman. A husband knows that his wife needs him but he wants her to want him. When she refuses him physically after their marriage then it can communicate a message of rejection. Just as a wife longs for her husband to love her so her husband longs for her to want him.

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

A husband needs respect from his wife. This is especially important when there are children in the home. The glory of children and especially sons is their father so when a wife does not respect her husband then she is destroying her children’s glory. We receive our self worth from our glory so the very thing that a mother longs to do in her children, see their confidence grow, she is destroying if she is in any way not respecting her husband. Respect is communicated through attitude, actions and words. An example of a lack of respect would be if she were to say, “Don’t tell your father….” or communicating in anyway her approval of anything that he would not like.

Ephesians 5:28-31 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

You will find that it will be a much greater delight for your husband to love you when you are a delight and joy to him. The husband and the wife relationship is the closest thing to heaven on earth if it is done God’s way. He ways are perfect and there is nothing to add to it or to take away from his ways.

Ecclesiastes 3:14 I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him.

It is the wise woman who seeks to do exactly as the Lord says. She will be blessed and she will be a blessing to her husband, her children and to the world. The world is longing to see marriage done right. It is only possible in Christ. To Him belongs all the glory and honor.

II Corinthians 6:14-16 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people.

Finally, a Christian woman must only marry a Christian man. Marriage is binding of two people and a partnership in Christ. There will be no fellowship and no harmony in the relationship if a believer marries an unbeliever. The marriage is a union of the spirit, soul and body. If one person is alive spiritually and the other person is dead spiritually in the marriage then there will be no oneness of spirit. You will be spiritually alone if you are a Christian.

A Life with a Great Marriage

You may not be married but if you want to get married one day then now is the time to be preparing for a great marriage. You may wonder how to prepare for a great marriage and if it is God’s will for you to even get married. It is God’s will for most young ladies to get married and it is God’s will that you have a great marriage. A wise woman starts building a great marriage before she gets married.

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

It is by God’s wisdom that a great marriage is built. He is the Master Builder and when we build according to His plans the marriage will be great and it will stand during the storms of life. Many marriages are not built on the right foundation and so when the storms come they do not stand but fall and great is the fall with much pain to all.

Proverbs 23:3,4 By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.

By wisdom a great marriage is built and by understanding it is established and by the knowledge of the Lord the days and years will be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Now is the time to prepare. Now is the time to get ready.

Proverbs 24:27 Prepare your work outside
And make it ready for yourself in the field;
Afterwards, then, build your house.

Since the Lord Jesus Christ is the Master Builder then He needs to be your Master or otherwise you will think that you know how to prepare and what to do. A great marriage begins with the Master Builder being your Master and you following His blueprint. His blueprint is His plans and instruction for life and marriage. Since he designed marriage then He knows what you need to do.

Luke 6:46-49 Why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.”

You must first learn what an excellent wife is and then you will have a picture of what you want to become. First of all, an excellent wife is a woman of great worth. She will be one that a man is willing to work for so that he might receive her as his own wife. This is important because a man appreciates what he works for and will cherish the woman for whom he had to work.

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

An excellent wife is a crown of her husband. A man wears his crown proudly, in a good way and it gives him the courage and strength to rule and succeed in the world. A wife who would shame him is as rottenness in his bones. The marrow of the bone is where the blood is made in the body and healthy blood means a healthy man. A wife who shames her husband cause the life to go out of him.

Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.

This is also important because a man has a tendency to fight with his conscience so if a wife is her husband’s conscience then there will not be harmony in the home but much contention. He would rather not go home at all and if he does then he would rather live in the attic.

Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the roof
Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Are you contentious and argumentative? Do you have to be right? Do you have to get the last word in? Do you feel like men “don’t get it”? Or do you believe that once you get married then you can change your husband? It would be better for you not to marry until these issues can be changed in your life. We can not change ourselves but the Lord can change us. He wants to change us and make us into that woman who fears the Lord and who will be a delight to our husbands. Life is sweet when it is done God’s way and this definitely applies to marriage. Begin now to prepare for a great marriage. It will be worth it. Your children will rise up and bless you and your husband also.

Proverbs 31:28-30 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

A Life that is Filled with Love

A life that is filled with love will overflow with love. The only way that one can live a life that is filed with love is to live in the love of the One who so loved that He gave us His Son. His love is perfect, sacrificial and eternal. He loves because He is love. When we love because of His love through us then we will have His love for others. It is unconditional. Our love is conditional, imperfect and selfish.

I John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us.

How does one experience His love? It begins by receiving His love for you. How is this done? It is by keeping His commandments.

John 14:21 He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and disclose Myself to him.

His first commandment is to come to Him. When we come to Him then we turn our back on our sin. We can not continue to sin and come to Him. All of us some time or other turned our back on Him and came to sin. Now, He is calling us to turn our back on our sin and come to Him. He will meet us the moment we turn to Him. Then He will let us know the next thing He wants us to do. It will be in accordance with His Word. It may be that He wants us to change friends, or ask forgiveness or forgive someone else.

John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me;

If you belong to Him then you will hear His voice. If you do not obey when you hear His voice then you may not hear it again. He waits until you obey. He wants obedience so that you can learn to live in His love. Is there something that you know that you should be doing and have not done it? You need to obey Him.

II Peter 1:5-8 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in moral excellence, knowledge, and in knowledge, self-control, and in self-control, perseverance, and in perseverance, godliness, and in godliness, brotherly kindness, and in brotherly kindness, love.

Moral excellence is obeying the Lord in what His Word says and keeping His commandments. That is the beginning of love. This is why many marriages fail…it is because the couple sowed seeds of a lack of moral excellence before they were married and then they reaped the bad fruit later. Nearly all marriages fail because of the seeds that were sown before marriage. It is the same in all of your relationships. There must be moral excellence for relationships to have the right foundation.

James 3:13-18Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

There are two kinds of wisdom just as there are two kinds of relationships. One of jealousy and selfish ambition or one that is pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering and without hypocrisy. How sweet life is when it is done God’s way.