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If sin is what causes love to be quenched then doing what is right will help love to be rekindled and come alive again. Another word for doing what is right is righteousness. Often, the love grows cold because there is guilt involved and our pride makes it hard to say that we are sorry and to ask for forgiveness. We can forgive when we realize the tremendous amount of sin in each of our lives that Jesus Christ has forgiven. Again, it is our own pride that feels that we do not need God and that we do not need to walk in His ways.

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Matthew 5:22-24

How easy it is to sin with our tongue when we are angry. The Lord says that if we even call someone a fool then there is guilt enough to send us to hell. The Lord says that we all sin with our tongue. Just as He was not mad at Adam and Eve when they sinned but He was sad for them, in the same way, He is not angry with you when you sin, He wants to help you make it right so that the devil does not destroy your marriage. He tells us what to do if we get angry with someone.

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26,27

Anger is really hurt and if it is not dealt with then it becomes bitterness or wrath, which is stored up anger. Be honest with yourself if what someone said or what they did hurt you. If you said something back then ask the Lord to forgive you and then ask the other person to forgive you. You are not responsible for their actions but you are responsible for your actions. The Lord will help you do what is right. He loves you and wants you to experience love and life. God is a restorer and He wants to see your marriage and relationships restored when they have been damaged or broken.

And the work of righteousness will be peace,
And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.
Then my people will live in a peaceful habitation,
And in secure dwellings and in undisturbed resting places; Isaiah 32:17,18

As you learn to do what is right and follow the Lord in what He says then you will find that your home will be filled with peace and the love that you and your spouse have for each other will be rekindled.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:7-9

As you learn to love and respond in love, rather than returning evil for evil or giving grief back when you have received grief, then you will reap love more and more. Loving another is a choice and a discipline just like any other virtue. The Lord loves us, fills us with His love and shows us how to love but we must act on what He has given us and shown us. The feelings of love come and go but the one who learns to love faithfully will reap love because He who promised is faithful. Do not grow weary or lose heart, for in time, you will be very thankful and you will see that what He says is true, if you are faithful.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. I John 4:7,8

If you want to have love in your marriage and in your relationships then you must have the One who is love in your life and marriage. Jesus Christ is God and came to show us real love and bring love into our lives and relationships. Ask Jesus Christ to come into your life today if you have not yet done so and He will bring, restore and rekindle the love in your life.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.

Revelation 3:20

Most couples when they get married their love for each other is fresh and very much alive. However, as time goes on if they are not careful then their love will grow cold towards each other. Often one of them will feel that they are not “in love” any more. More than anything else, that is not the problem, but rather they do not understand love. Love can be quenched, as fire can be quenched, and seems like it is not as alive as before. However, when one understands more about love then they discover, just as a fire can be rekindled so their love for their spouse can be rekindled if they will follow God’s instructions on rekindling their love.

Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold.

Matthew 24:12

Lawlessness can be simply defined as sin. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God then they were being lawless. They were wanting to live under their own law and not under God’s law. They thought that they knew better.

Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him. Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. I John 3:4-8

The devil is the father of lawlessness and he is the one who deceived Eve into temptation and when she gave into temptation then she sinned. He wanted to destroy Eve, her relationship with God and her marriage and everything else that was precious to her. Jesus Christ came to take away our sins and to destroy the works of the devil. Satan, the devil, came to destroy and he still wants to destroy.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John10:10

Jesus Christ came to give you life and to bring love into all of your relationships. He wants to rekindle your love for Him and for your spouse and whoever else you may be estranged from that He designed for you to be in a relationship with here on earth.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, I Peter 5:6-9a

The beginning of rekindling your heart to know love and to give love is to rekindle your relationship with the Lord if you belong to Him. If you have not yet given your life to Him then do it today. He will come and live within you and give you a new heart and a new love for your spouse and everyone else. This is what it means to humble yourself before the Lord, it is to say, ” I need you, Lord. I don’t know what is best for my life or for my marriage or whatever relationship it may be.” Please be my Lord and my Savior. He will hear that prayer. Then cast all of your anxiety on Him. He loves you. Next, be on the alert for the devil and resist Him through the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Word. The devil has to flee at His name and His Word. The name of Jesus Christ and His Word has authority over the devil because Jesus Christ defeated the devil at the cross. This is what that promise means that the Lord gave to Adam and Eve.

And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her seed;
He shall bruise you on the head,
And you shall bruise him on the heel.” Genesis 3:15

Jesus Christ was the seed of the woman who bruised Satan on the head. Jesus Christ was the One whom God was sending into the world to defeat the devil and to destroy his works. Jesus Christ conquered on the cross the death that came through Adam and Eve’s sin in order that we might be reconciled back to God and live forever in His love. Since Jesus Christ so loved us we also can love one another. Love can be rekindled in relationships because of and through our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. I John 4:11

The Lord says that we are never to repay evil for evil. One of the meanings of evil is to cause grief. When someone causes us grief then the temptation is to return grief to them.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Romans 12:17a

The Lord says never to do return evil for evil but rather we are to overcome evil with good. This word good means the highest form of love. It always takes two to argue or fight. If one will refuse to return grief but chooses to give love rather than trying to hurt the one who has hurt them then there is no contention.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

The Lord says that it is foolish to quarrel with one another. Keep away from strife and keep strife out of your marriage and family.

Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man,
But any fool will quarrel. Proverbs 20:3

The Bible describes a foolish person as one who consumes. They will consume you and your life if you allow them. Stay away from a fool. They only bring destruction to themselves and those whom they are around.

But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. Galatians 5:15

Don’t even begin to quarrel. You both will say things that you will regret. You can not take back your words and your words destroy the one who you are supposed to love. After the argument is over then you have two defeated and sad people.

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

Turn to the Lord rather than turning away from Him. When there is a disagreement or someone has been hurt then be quick to ask forgiveness and to say that you are sorry. Humility goes a long way in healing hurts. Don’t be arrogant. There are always things that you do not know. The Lord is a present help in time of trouble.

An arrogant man stirs up strife, But he who trusts in the Lord will prosper. Proverbs 28:25

Love seeks reconciliation and gives grace rather than wanting the other person to be proven wrong and disgrace. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions. Proverbs 10:12

You will discover as you show mercy to others then you both benefit. If you are not merciful then you do harm not only to the other person but to yourself as well.

The merciful man does himself good, But the cruel man does himself harm. Proverbs 11:17

The Lord is merciful to us and He does not give us what we deserve. Love others as the Lord has loved you.

We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. James 5:11

Being a Christian means that we do not want to be controlled by our flesh and do what our flesh wants to do but we want to be controlled by God’s Spirit and we want to do as we ought.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:22-24

You will find that as you walk in God’s Spirit and live according to the power that He has given to you that you will be walking in obedience to Him. You will be fulfilling the Law by loving your neighbor as yourself. This will keep you from sinning and suffering the torment of regret and sadness of destroying those who you want to love the most. You will see that love overcomes evil and you will both be blessed.

For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. Galatians 5:14-17

Love is relational and relationships give identity. When a man gets a wife he becomes a husband and when a woman gets married she becomes a wife. A man becomes a father when he has a child and a woman becomes a mother when her baby is born. Love gives identity and purpose and meaning in life. Relationships define the people who are in them.

The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:20-23

Man did not name himself until the Lord brought Eve to him. When he had finished naming the animals then the Lord brought Eve to him and Adam immediately recognized her and said, “this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman…” and then he called himself man. His identity came from his relationship with God and his relationship with Eve. God loved Adam and Adam loved Eve. Adam’s love for God was a response to God’s love for him and Eve’s love for her husband is a response of Adam’s love for Eve.

We love, because He first loved us. I John 4:19

Someone once said, “Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.”

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:24,25

Adam and Eve were the only part of creation that could receive and know God’s love because they were the only part of creation that had a spirit. Love is spiritual and man receives love through his spirit and experiences it through his soul and expresses it through his body. Adam and Eve became husband and wife and with their identity came meaning and purpose in life. Love brings fulfillment as we fulfill the purpose for which God created us. Adam and Eve needed each other to be the person and to do that which God had created them to do. Eve was to become a mother and once again she would receive a new identity and a new purpose in life.

The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed. Out of the ground the Lord God caused to grow every tree that is pleasing to the sight and good for food; Genesis 2:8,9a

Love provides what is good. The Lord was not only Adam’s Creator but his Provider. The Lord provided everything that Adam and Eve needed. He gave them a home in the garden of Eden and the Lord gave them each other to love and to be loved. He gave Adam work to do, for God made man to work and He called Eve to be a wife and a mother. He made Adam for the dust of the ground so he related to the world and his work involved the world. God made Eve from a person and a woman relates to people and so her work involved people. Adam and Eve lived in a perfect world with an identity and purpose. God’s love had given their lives meaning and fulfillment. They loved God and loved each other. If only…they would not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil then they would live in this perfect state of love and harmony with God and each other forever.

“But he who sins against me injures himself;
All those who hate me love death.” Proverbs 8:36

The Lord has not changed. He is good and His plans for us are good. His design for marriage is good. If only we would keep His commandments and follow His instructions then we will live and our relationships will be filled with love. If only…we would not sin. It is sin that brings death to our relationships and marriages. It is sin that destroys all that is precious to us. When we sin against God then we hurt ourselves and if we hate what He says then we love death.