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A Life that Understands What Is Desirable in a Man

What is emphasized as desirable in a man before marriage is of much less worth after marriage. After you get married you hardly notice a man’s looks but it shouts at you how he treats you. Some men think that a woman wants him for his body and he will spend hours working out to get and maintain his physical attractiveness. There is no question that no woman wants to marry a fat man, unless maybe she is overweight herself. However, way too much emphasis is put on the outward appearance and generally a man has no control over how good looking he is or even the shape or size of his body, other than the fat content. A man does have control over how he treats his wife. One of the most desirable qualities in a man is kindness. Who you marry is who you plan to live the rest of your life with and it is a great pleasure to live with someone who is kind. It is a bad experience to live with a selfish and conceited man. Marriage is for life and you will be glad if the man you marry is kind and considerate.

What is desirable in a man is his kindness, Proverbs 19:22

Understand What is Most Undesirable in a Man

There is a quality in a man that a girl wants and needs to avoid. Do not go with or be friends with a man who has anger issues. You will regret marrying a man who can not control his anger. He will get angry at you and he will get angry at your children. There will be tension in the household because no one will know when his next blow up will be or who will be the object of his anger. Anger can easily turn into wrath and then to rage. The world is full of angry people and they are people who you want to avoid. Anger is a symptom of even bigger issues and unless you want trouble and sorrow, then stay away from a man with anger and do not go with him and certainly do not marry him.

Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Proverbs 22:24

Anger is a response to not getting your way. People who want to control others will often do it through anger and anger can easily lead to abuse verbally and physically. A father can often see these qualities in another man. If you have a father that you can go to then have any man interested in you spend time with him. Kindness is who God is and if a man’s life is surrendered to the Lord then there is a much greater chance of him being a kind man. A kind man’s life will also be much smoother and therefore your life will have much less problems. A kind person receives favor from God and from others.

Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good repute.
In the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:3,4

A Life that Understands the Need for Wisdom

Wisdom is knowing what to do in any situation, how to respond, what to say, what to do and what not to do, how to get out of a mess, how to succeed, and everything else that you need in life. The Bible says that if you are wise then you are wise for yourself but if you ignore wisdom and do not ask for wisdom then you alone will bear the pain. Everyone else may sympathize with you, but at the end of the day, you are the one with the broken heart or the rejection. The Bible also says that the person who has wisdom enjoys life. Wisdom is the secret to everything. Life is challenging and since every day is a new day, wisdom is what gives you the confidence that life can and will get better. If you do not have wisdom then you are just hoping you are making the right decision and guessing on what to do. Wisdom is the light in the darkness. Wisdom is not what you always want to hear but it is what you need to hear. Over and over again, Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear”. Listen to wisdom and do what wisdom tells you to do and you will soar in life and love. Wisdom is the opposite of foolishness.

If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, And if you scoff, you alone will bear it. Proverbs 9:12

Understand that Pain Comes from Not Knowing Wisdom

Someone once said that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Have you been hurt many times in relationships? Do you find yourself doing the same thing over and over again? Do you blame others for the pain in your life? You need to ask yourself, “how long am I going to allow myself to be hurt?” and “what am I doing that needs to change?” God’s ways are wisdom. God’s ways are not politically correct. God’s ways are not going to be popular but they are good and will keep you from being hurt. The Lord wants to teach us how to do life. He is loving and compassionate towards us. He wants you to be loved and wants you to learn to trust again, if you have been hurt. Go to Him and ask Him for wisdom. He promises to give to all who ask Him and without criticizing you!

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Understand that the Lord loves you and if you will come to Him then He will help you. He made you and He understands how fragile your heart is and what you need. He is gentle and humble and when you come to Him then you will find rest for your soul.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28,29

A Life that Understands the Cost of a Great Marriage

It is understandable that some people do not like what is being written in these posts. Selfishness is the opposite of love and all people are basically selfish. A great marriage is made up of two unselfish people. Even if only one of the people is unselfish then that will change a marriage from bad to good. It is hard to continually fight against love. Love will always cost the person who loves. That is the nature of anything precious and love is worth much and is costly to the one who gives it but love is worth it. It is true that it is better to give than to receive. Usually whenever any gift is given who has the most joy? The one who gives generally has the most joy. In fact, the Lord says to not give under compulsion because giving is an aspect of love and love is a choice. To give is to be godlike, for God so loved the world that He gave. God so loved you that He gave what was most precious to Him and that was His only begotten Son.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

Understand What a Great Marriage will Cost the Wife

A great marriage is a gift and it is also requires great sacrifice. A great marriage is made up of two people who sacrifice their own wants, dreams, needs, longings and comforts for another. It is best to give all of these to the Lord and allow Him to give back to you in His time what you really need. We usually do not know what we really need. How many things have we all longed for, that in hindsight, we see that they would not have been good for us. Trust the Lord to give you what is good. He will withhold the bad and give you the good if you leave the giving to Him. A great marriage is costly but just as when Mary took a pound of very costly perfume and anointed the feet of Jesus, the fragrance of her love filled the house. In a similar way, when you love another in a sacrificial, costly manner then the fragrance of the expression of your love will fill the environment where you are. Your love will be a sweet fragrance to the one loved and to all who are around and you will be the one blessed the most.Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. John 12:3 Understand that when you do what is right and love your husband with a godlike love that you will be filled with great joy. Your life will be a fragrant aroma to all who come in contact with you and your joy will spill over into your husband, your children and everyone else who knows you. No one can ever rob you of joy because much joy comes from loving and doing what is right. “You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of gladness above Your companions.” Hebrews 1:9

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A Life Understanding a Man’s Need to Respect a Woman

Men long for respect and they need respect. Men also need to respect a woman and women need for men to respect them. A man needs a woman but he especially needs a woman that he respects. A woman that a man respects will lift him up to a higher standard of behavior. A man generally will not curse around a lady nor will he act in other crude manners. Her respectful behavior is enough to change him as he observes it and her lack of response to any crude jokes or comments is enough to shame him. A man can be a man with other men and not offend them but a man needs to learn how to act in a loving, respectful manner with females.Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. I Corinthians 7:1The word “good” in this verse means, in the original language, the highest form of love.

Understanding A Woman’s Need for Respect

A woman needs respect. A woman’s self worth is affected by how she is treated. If she is treated poorly then she will start to feel poorly about herself. She longs for love and needs love but she also needs respect. Love and respect go hand in hand. If a woman is treated like a queen then she will feel like a queen. If she feels like a queen then she will want to marry a king and feel that she is worthy of a king. If she feels like dirt then she will feel that no king would want to marry her and she will “settle” for far less. A woman’s self worth is one of the most important aspects of who she is. When a man uses a woman in any way then he is neither loving her or respecting her. When a female allows herself to be used then she is bringing destruction to herself. When a man uses a woman then it is like squeezing the juice out of an orange and then discarding the orange. The woman is no longer the same. She is no longer vibrant and feeling healthy about herself because she has been used and rejected. She will often settle for someone “not as nice” as the first man and if she is looking for love in the wrong way then he will squeeze more juice out of her and then discard her. The pattern continues until she is left feeling empty and rejected by men.

but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. Matthew 5:13b

Salt becomes tasteless when it has been compromised. A woman will be rejected and walked over by men if she compromises her morals and allows a man to touch her in inappropriate places or have premariatal sex. A man does not love a woman that he has sex with before marriage. He is using her for his own selfish desire. Nearly all men who are unfaithful to their wives after marriage had sex before marriage. They did not learn to control their passions before marriage and usually can not control them afterwards. Sex is a physical appetite to a man and he must learn to control his sexual drive. He learns to control himself by first learning to control what he looks at. His eyes get him into trouble and the Bible says that the “eyes of man are never satisfied”. It is important that a female dress in a modest manner that does not direct the man’s eyes to sexually stimulating parts of her body. If she does, she will get attention but not the love and respect she longs for and the attention is only for a moment. If he is stimulated then he will want to touch her in an inappropriate manner and she must say “no” so that he does not get what he wants. It is much better if the boundaries are already established by how she dresses.

Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied. Proverbs 27:20

A Life Understanding a Man’s Need for a Friend

A man’s best friend should be his wife. She is to be his companion and friend for life. A man of many friends comes to ruin but there should be a friend that sticks closer than a brother and that friend should be his wife. Her loyalty should never fail. She should be his biggest fan in the bad times as well as the good times. A friend loves at all times.  A man needs someone whom he can always trust and who will always do him good. God’s design for a wife is that she should be her husband’s friend and companion.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11,12

Understanding a Wife’s Need to Be Her Husband’s Friend

A man needs someone who he can trust in and someone who will stand by him all of the days of his life. He needs someone whom he can share his deepest longings and dreams and who will not laugh at him but believe in him. He needs a wife who he can confide in and she will not share with others the secrets of her husband. He needs a wife with whom he can be completely vulnerable. The only way that a wife can be the wife that God designed, is if she gives herself completely to the Lord. Becoming a godly wife is a process just as becoming a godly husband. Go to the blueprint of God’s Word and see what He says. His ways are perfect and you will be blessed as you follow His instructions. A trustworthy friend is one who is worthy of trust. That takes maturity but as you grow in your relationship with the Lord then you will grow in your trustworthiness. When your husband is your best friend and you are his best friend then life and marriage is sweet. Your cup will be full and the joy will overflow.

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, But who can find a trustworthy man? Proverbs 20:6

Understand that character is what differentiates people. People will proclaim their love and loyalty but a trustworthy and faithful person is rare. Seek to become like Jesus Christ and allow Him to make you into the person that He designed and then you will be ready for the man of God’s own choosing in His time. If you are a trustworthy person then you will be a trustworthy wife.

A Life Understanding Man’s Need for Responses

One of the ways that a man will recognize the woman that God has chosen for him is that she will respond to his heart. The Bible says that it was not good for the man to be alone and that God made the man a helpmate who will correspond to him. Cor means heart and so correspond means that she responds to his heart. She learns all about the man and seeks to understand his heart, his needs, his dreams and his desires. She has an innate understanding of the man that God has for her. After they get married she continues to seek to know him and will seek to do what her husband would want her to do for him. This is one of the reasons that happily married couples who have been married for a long time understand what the other is thinking. They have become of one heart and one mind and it happens through seeking to understand each other. The husband is told by the Lord to live with his wife in an understanding manner and the wife learns to understand her husband and respond to his heart. A man learns to live with his wife through her responses to him. If she likes something, such as flowers or candy or gifts then her response teaches him how to please his wife. If he does something that is inappropriate or crude then she does not respond to it and he will quickly learn not to do it if he loves her. In a loving marriage each one seeks to please the other and the husband learns mostly through her responses.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding a Woman’s Need to Respond

A wife communicates her love to her husband through responding to him. Responding to your man is probably one of the most powerful things that a woman can do. A man needs to be wanted by his wife and he feels loved and wanted when she responds to him. She needs to respond outwardly through her excitement at seeing him when he has been away or they have been apart for the day. Most husbands need their wife’s affections through touching and not necessarily in a sexual manner. A man loves to be touched by the woman he loves and it is an affirmation of her love. A  man generally will never get tired of kissing his wife and the more kisses that you give him in response to him then he will love it all the more. The man is the initiator and the woman is the responder. Sometimes a female needs to learn to respond and especially if she has been hurt in the past. The Lord will help you if you ask him.

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, Titus 2:4

Understand that God made the man to be the initiator and the woman to be the responder. A man often does not know what the woman is thinking so he tries to understand what she likes and does not like through her responses so that he will know if he should continue to initiate in that direction and in that manner. Before marriage some females feel that they should be “cool” when a young man asks her out or initiates toward toward her but if she is interested in him then she needs to show a response that lets him know. She only needs to respond to what he initiates. If she does not care to be in a relationship then she can say no and that is okay.

The VERY WORSE THING that a wife can do is close off her spirit to her husband and pretend that everything is okay by going through the motions of doing her “duties” as a wife. She is not fooling anyone but herself and she is confusing the man. She is sending a double signal and it comes across very insincere because it is fake. Be honest, if you have been hurt, let him know in a way that is not judgmental or accusatory. Most men honestly do not know or understand females. He needs you but he needs you to help him understand your needs and you need him to understand you.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

We all need forgiveness. We need God to forgive us and we need to forgive each other. Marriage is challenging in the sense that it involves two people learning to live in harmony with one another, which means that we have to be kind to each other, tender-hearted with one another and forgiving each other. We can only do this if we have received and experienced God’s great love and forgiveness of our many sins.

A Life Understanding a Man’s Need for Praise

Every man longs for praise. It is food for his soul and like honey to his mouth. It is sweet to him and keeps him going and believing that much is possible. A man will go where he is praised. A man becomes what he is praised. He needs to go from his mother’s praise to the praise of his wife. The praise of his mother when he is younger gives him the courage and faith to attempt great things. The praise of his wife encourages him in his successes and keeps him from being depressed and down in his failures. A man’s need for praise is fundamental to his well being. Every man struggles with a fear of failure but when he has a wife who believes in him then those fears are overcome. It is true that behind every great man is a great wife but she is a great wife because she is full of praise for her husband.

Understanding a Wife’s Need to Praise Her Husband

Women are often reluctant to praise a man but it is because she does not understand that praise to a man is like love to a woman. Without praise the man’s soul will dry up he will struggle with self worth. A man’s ego is what causes him to be a man and act like a man. It is a good thing in God’s design. A man’s ego is what makes him want to provide well for his wife and children. A man’s ego is a vital part of who he is. A woman does not have the same emotional makeup so she does not understand. She mistakes ego with pride. They are two very different things. Pride is trusting in yourself apart from God. Ego is trusting God to make you into the person that he designed. A man will become the person that he is praised. A son will become what his mother praises and a husband will become the man that his wife sees him as and praises him for being. Praise is genuine appreciation for what God has done in someone. We often see it but are hesitant to say it. Blessed is the man who finds a wife who will praise him.Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; Proverbs 27:2a A girl that learns to sincerely appreciate godly and good qualities in a young man will never lack male companionship. Young men go where they are praised. A wife that learns to praise her husband will fill her husband’s love tank and he will not be tempted by the adulteress woman who uses flattery, which is an insincere form of praise, to manipulate and entice him. When a man starts to praise himself it is because he is so starved for praise that he will give himself praise. When a man does that then the temptation is even more to not praise him but it is when he needs it the most. Men face failure all of the time and they need a wife who believes in them. Praise your husband. To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; Proverbs 2:16

A man can not tell the difference between praise and flattery from a woman. They sound the same but the motives are different. Praise is sincere and flattery is for selfish reasons and to lay a trap for the one who is flattered.

A Life Understanding Man’s Need for a Lover

God’s design for a wife is that she is to be her husband’s lover. A man’s need for a wife is deeply embedded in his need for a lover. God’s design is so good that a husband will not only be satisfied with his wife as his lover but he will be intoxicated with her love. When Adam saw Eve, his response was (WOW!). The original Hebrew can not adequately translate it into English but that was basically his response.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:23

The Lord still wants to give a wife to a husband and the Bible says that if the man does it right then on his wedding night he will be so lit up on her love that he will outshine the sun.

In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, Psalm 19:4b,5a

Understanding a Wife’s Gift to Her Husband as His Lover

A female has the unique privilege to be called a gift, a reward and a favor to a man. The Lord made man with a physical appetite for the most intimate expression of love. A woman does not have the same physical appetite. A woman longs for the love of a man just as a man longs to love a woman. If a man has physical intimacy with a woman outside of marriage then it is “like sitting down and eating a steak dinner”. It will satisfy his appetite for the moment but it will not satisfy his deepest longings and needs. A man longs to know and be known. The word for physical intimacy in the Bible was that the husband was “to know” his wife. A man wants his wife to be unknown by all other men. She is to belong to him alone. A woman is a mystery to a man in many ways and that mystique that she has is part of her beauty. She is a much finer aspect of creation. Her beauty is not just physical but it is in her character, it is in her purity, it is in her innocence and it is her manner.

Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

Understand that God’s ways are the best for girls and women. He does all things well. If you will keep yourself pure and become the woman that God designed you to be then you will be beautiful to the man God gives you to and will be treated like a queen by your king. A man has only one heart and life to give and he wants to give it to a girl who has not been with another man. There is something within a man that compels him to treat a woman of fine character and beauty with respect. Beauty is on the inside and causes any woman to be beautiful to the man that God has designed for her. Also, marry a man who has kept himself pure then he will be faithful to you as he has learned to keep his physical appetites under control.

IF you have not stayed pure then ask God to cleanse your heart, mind and soul. Give yourself to the Lord and He will make you into a new creation. He is the Creator and He is the only One who can make all things new. He can and will restore your purity if you give yourself to Him, but then you must keep yourself pure by His strength. There is always hope in God no matter how much a person has messed up, if they will turn to Him.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17

A Life Understanding a Man’s Need for a Wife

When God created man and the rest of creation it was good. There was not anything to add to it or anything to take from it. The Bible says that God works in such  a way so than man would fear (which means a very awe inspiring respect) Him and honor Him. Man was made perfect and all of creation was made perfect so that it was a delight to the Lord. However, the Lord said that it was not good for the man to be alone. It was not good then and it is not good now. A man needs a wife. He needs her support, her companionship, her love and respect and when he has a good wife then he becomes an even better man than he would be alone. Her encouragement, her response to him, her smiles, her affections, her happiness in being his wife inspires him to even greater heights than what he would do alone. An excellent wife is his crown and makes him a king who can conquer much and achieve much when there is peace and harmony in his kingdom.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Understanding What a Man Needs in a Wife

A man needs a wife. If a woman learns to become an excellent wife then she will be greatly exalted for the first thing that anyone notices about a king is his crown. A king’s crown is his glory. A man does not need someone who will shame him. The Bible says that a man will encounter the “reproofs of life” and those reproofs of life are very effective in correcting a man. A man needs his wife’s support, love, intimacy, friendship, companionship and trust. You will be more precious than jewels to him when you become the wife that God wants you to be.

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31:10

Do not be a man’s conscience. A man fights with his conscience and if you want fighting in your marriage and home then that is a sure way to get it.

A Life Understanding the Man’s Leadership Role

The Lord made man to rule and gave him the position to rule over creation. The Lord made man to work and to rule in the world. Every man is a king in his own eyes. This is not a bad thing because they Lord made man to be a ruler. Man is not egotistical in feeling this way but he does need help to rule. He longs for a queen to rule with him and be a helper and a support to him. The Lord said that it was not good for the man to be alone.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding the Woman’s Support Role

He needs a woman to be his queen and his helper and support. He will recognize her by the fact that the Lord has made her to be suitable for him and to correspond to him. This means that she will understand his heart and she will respond to his heart. The Lord made her to be a support to him and such a strong support that the word has the meaning to be as strong as cement. She will not waver in her support of him but will believe in him when no one else does.  She will be so important to him that he will see her as a savior in many ways. (The word “helper” in this verse refers to the wife and it is the only time in Scripture where it refers to a person. Every other time it refers to God.) She will be stronger than him emotionally but he will be stronger than her physically. They will need each other and as they become one then they will conquer together. They will share each other’s joys and sorrows and each other’s successes and failures. When he is down, she will be up so that they do not sink together. They will encourage and pray for one another. Together they will make it if they will put their trust in the Lord because God has decreed it.

The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:20-23

Understand that a young lady who learns to treat a man like a king will never lack male friends. When a young lady can see who the young man is becoming and be an encouragement then she will thrive in her relationships and friendships with men. Most men long to be a king, because that is who God has made them to be, but they still lack the confidence and maturity. As a young man chooses to follow the Lord then he will become the person that God designed him to be and he will one day look for the girl who sees him as the man of God that was created to rule in God’s creation. He is not looking for a girl who will compete with him or who feels the need to “put him in his place”. There is plenty of competition and the world is continually “putting him in his place”. He needs a comforter and one who will encourage him. He needs a girl who will believe the best in him and see him for the person that God sees him as. He needs a girl who will stick with him and love and respect him in times of better or worse. A man who believes in the Lord will believe in what the Lord has for him and blessed will be the young lady who becomes his helper, his support and his queen. He will choose her to be his wife and he will be her husband.