Uncategorized – Page 34 – Instructions To A Young Life

A Life that Is Mentally Healthy

Mental health is even more important than physical health and if someone were given the choice most would choose mental health over physical health. The mental aspect of a person is a part of their soul. A person’s soul is made up of the mind, will and emotions. If the mind is healthy then the will to do right will permeate the being and their emotions will express the decisions of their will. A person must guard their mind with all of their heart. What goes into your mind is what determines your actions and your actions determine your destiny. If unhealthy thoughts go in then unhealthy actions will follow. In the same way, if there is healthy input into the mind then the person will be mentally healthy.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, Romans 12:2a

Do not be conformed to this world. The world is filled with lies, confusion, perversions, anxieties and fears. If someone listens to what the world has to say then they will be filled with lies, confusion, perverted thoughts, fears and anxieties. Then, as they respond to these thoughts, their decisions and actions will be foolish, fearful, confused and perverted. The world says that it is okay to be a certain way and to do certain actions. Not so, the way of the world will bring destruction and death to the one who listens to the world because the way of the world is not good. The way of the world makes a person mentally unhealthy.

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. Matthew 7:13,14

People may say that the way of the Lord is narrow and they are right. For this reason you will find few people genuinely happy and mentally healthy. To be mentally healthy means that you are not controlled by fears, anxieties, outside influences or other people. To be mentally healthy means that you are free on the inside and that you have a healthy relationship with others and yourself. You do not bring destruction to others nor to yourself. You have genuinely learned how to love others as well as to have a healthy respect for yourself. True mental health can only come from a constant renewing of your mind. When a mind is healthy and renewed then it is alive and strong. It is able to make the right decisions and has the mental discipline to carry out the necessary and responsible actions in life. A healthy mind is fed with healthy thoughts just as a healthy body needs to be fed with healthy foods.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

A person who is not conformed to the world but is transformed through the renewing of their mind is able to prove what God’s will is and that is, His will is good and acceptable and perfect. God’s will is good. This word “good” in the original language means “the highest form of love”. God’s will for a person is the highest expression of love that can be done for that individual. This “will of God” for each individual means that God’s will for each person is the very best thing for that person. The Lord is love and He desires that each person live in His love to the fullest. We are the only ones who rob ourselves of God’s great love and that is when we do not live in His will.

I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. Ecclesiastes 3:14

God’s will is acceptable and perfect. God’s will is so amazing that if you knew beforehand what it was then you would choose it every time. There is nothing that you would want to add to it or take from it. God is so powerful and so loving that only He can orchestrate something so wonderful for each person. However, the Lord wants each person to trust Him and to believe His Word. He has said this but you must believe it for you to experience it.

For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard. Hebrews 4:2

The Lord has an amazing life for those who will come to Jesus Christ in faith, believe and receive His promises. Not only does He keep them in excellent mental health by continually renewing their minds but He has a will for their lives that is good, acceptable and perfect.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, John 1:12

See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. I John 3:1a

A person’s mind is renewed and he discovers God’s will for his life when he becomes God’s child. A person becomes God’s child through receiving Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Not only does he become one of God’s children but he becomes a recipient of God’s great love. He truly begins the greatest adventure of life and once he tastes of the goodness of God, his only regret will be that he did not come to Jesus Christ sooner. Do you want to be mentally healthy? Do you want to live a life that is good, acceptable and perfect? Do you want to receive a great love and become a child of God? The Lord is good and wants to give you His amazing gifts of His salvation, His goodness and His love.

O taste and see that the Lord is good; Psalm 34:8a

A Life with Love is Good

Love is good and one of the meanings of the word “good” in the Bible is “the highest form of love”. The Lord is good and He only seeks what is good for us and His actions towards us are the highest expressions of love. When He created man He created man to be loved and to love.

For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100:5

When God sent His only begotten Son into the world it was to show His love for the world. His redeeming love was sacrificial, costly, of great value and of the highest form. Jesus Christ died for us while we were sinners and had no love for Him or desire to trust and obey Him.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

The Lord is good and no evil dwells with Him. Evil is the opposite of love and those who do evil seek to hurt, harm and to cause grief.

For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness;
No evil dwells with You. Psalm 5:4

The devil is the one who is evil and seeks your harm and hurt. He is a liar and will do what he can to bring you grief. He lied to Eve.

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:4,5

He said that she would not die but that her eyes would be opened and she would be like God. Every word was a lie. She would die and her actions brought about her own death. Satan always tries to minimize the consequences.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

He said that her eyes would be opened but rather she became blind and it was not until Jesus Christ came to open the eyes of the blind, that we could see spiritually.

Then the eyes of the blind will be opened Isaiah 35:5a

He said that she would be like God, but no, she became like the devil, for the devil did not do what was right in the sight of God and unrighteousness was found in him. The devil rebelled against God by doing what he wanted to do rather than what the Lord wanted him to do.

“You were blameless in your ways
From the day you were created
Until unrighteousness was found in you. Ezekiel 28:15

He said that she would know good and evil, but she no longer knew what was good but only what was evil. She no longer knew God’s love for her. The word “know” is to experience. She no longer experienced God’s love. The devil lied about God for God does not “experience” any evil and as long as Adam and Eve did what the Lord wanted them to do then they also would never “know” evil.

Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, And You can not look on wickedness Habakkuk 1:13

Eve exchanged the truth of God for a lie and the consequences of her actions brought death to her life and her relationship with Adam. The love that God had given them was no longer in the relationship as God was no longer present.

A Life That Attracts a Loving Man

Every woman longs to be loved. It is crucial if you want to be loved, to attract one who understands and knows how to give love. Some women attract the wrong kind of men. The wrong kind of man is a man who will never love a woman, for he is a man who only understands self love. He loves himself.

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, II Timothy 3:1,2a

The wrong kind of man does not even know how to love another and life is all about him. He is attracted to women who he thinks will meet his desires, his dreams and fantasies, his needs and women who will be all about him. The only problem with this kind of man is that he is never satisfied.

Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied. Proverbs 27:20b

There will always be a prettier and more exciting woman out there. This kind of man is a fool and one of the characteristics of a fool is that a fool consumes. He will consume the freshness of any woman who allows it and then he will dispose of her, or neglects and abuses her until she wants to get out of the relationship.

There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise, But a foolish man swallows it up. Proverbs 21:20

However, there is the law of attraction where “birds of a feather flock together”. A foolish female will attract a male who is a fool. A foolish man looks on the outward appearance and lives for the satisfaction of his flesh. A foolish woman will dress and act in such a manner as to attract the carnal part of a man. It is the carnality in a man that seeks to love himself, to the exclusion of everyone else. It is a man’s flesh that is drawn to what is destructive to himself and anyone in a relationship with him. A man looks at the outward appearance first, but if a woman is wise then she will seek to be even more attractive on the inside, for a man will be satisfied if his needs are met as well as his desires. A man needs a woman whom he respects, a woman who is secure within herself, a woman of moral purity and integrity, a woman who is confident and courageous, and a woman who will do him good all the days of her life. A man needs a woman whom he can trust. Only the Lord can produce these qualities within a woman and blessed will be the man who finds such a woman who fears the Lord and trusts in Him.

for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. I Samuel 16:7b

A woman may get attention if she appeals to the flesh of a man but there is the law of diminishing returns. She must do more and more to get his attention and finally even that is not enough, for his flesh will never be satisfied. Sex, outside of marriage, is a fleshly appetite and for men, sex outside of marriage is “like sitting down and eating a steak dinner”. Once his sexual appetite has been satisfied then he is no longer interested. He will also wonder what “sitting down and eating a steak dinner” with another woman is like, in other words, he will lust after and desire another woman’s body. For, with the woman who gives herself away, after awhile, it is no longer a steak dinner but more like a hamburger at a fast food restaurant. Meanwhile, the woman has given her heart away, which is her treasure, merely for the man to consume it. He will forget about it once his appetite has been satisfied, that is, until he is hungry again. This is one reason why a self-loving man will usually not marry a woman he has sex with. “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?”, he says to himself.

…one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself! II Samuel 6:20b

A woman is foolish to drink alcohol for it only lowers her resistance to what is right. A man who is selfish will want her to drink, but it is not out of love for her, but love for himself, so that he may look on her nakedness. When you expose your nakedness then you will be filled with disgrace rather than honor.

“Woe to you who make your neighbors drink,
Who mix in your venom even to make them drunk
So as to look on their nakedness!
“You will be filled with disgrace rather than honor.
Now you yourself drink and expose your own nakedness. Habakkuk 2: 15,16

A woman is foolish to uncover herself in the way she dresses before marriage for she will attract a foolish man who will give her attention so that he may take advantage of her. Even though he thinks that he is getting something for nothing, it is a foolish man who will have sex with a woman outside of marriage. There is the possibility he will get a sexually transmitted disease or get a woman pregnant. A woman who is immoral will lie. She can not be trusted. Every time he will become physically one with either an adulteress or a harlot. He does not know it, but he has fallen into a pit or a narrow well. He is trapped and does not even know it. She will be a snare to his soul.

For a harlot is a deep pit And an adulterous woman is a narrow well. Proverbs 23:27

The end is death for the man who follows after a woman who is immoral. In the end he will be bitter towards women, the very ones whom he used and abused. He does not know the misery which will come upon him.

Now therefore, my sons, listen to me,
And pay attention to the words of my mouth.
Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths.
For many are the victims she has cast down,
And numerous are all her slain.
Her house is the way to Sheol,
Descending to the chambers of death. Proverbs 7:24-27

What then should a female do then to avoid men such as these men who are lovers of self? Avoid them at all cost.

For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women… II Timothy 3:2-6

Be pure in your speech and conduct. Be faithful to do what God has called you to do and to be where the Lord has called you to be. Stay in God’s Word and in prayer, that is, maintain a daily time of devotion with the Lord. Do not go where ungodly men go. Do not dress so as to attract the fleshly aspect of man. Do not drink alcohol. Listen to your father, for he can see things in a man that you can never see. Stay under your God given authority, which is your father, until the time of marriage. Do not date a man whom you would not marry and do not marry a man who the Lord would not want for you. Seek the Lord, for He will protect you. Ask Him for wisdom. God’s wisdom will protect the man from the adulteress woman and the woman from the man who speaks twisted things, both kinds of people who would lead to the destruction and misery of any who would keep company with them.

For wisdom will enter your heart
And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
Discretion will guard you,
Understanding will watch over you,
To deliver you from the way of evil,
From the man who speaks perverse things;
From those who leave the paths of uprightness
To walk in the ways of darkness;
Who delight in doing evil
And rejoice in the perversity of evil;
Whose paths are crooked,
And who are devious in their ways;
To deliver you from the strange woman,
From the adulteress who flatters with her words; Proverbs 2:10-16

A Life with Love Does Not Manipulate

Since Adam named the serpent then he knew the character of the serpent. The serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field. His name “serpent” means “to enchant”. The devil chose to disguise himself in the serpent because the serpent was enchanting and beautiful.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! Genesis 3:1-4

When we are not trusting the Lord and His love for us then we want to be in control, thinking that we know better than the Lord and can not really trust Him with what is most important to us. We feel the need to “take matters into our own hands” to accomplish what we think would be best for us. Manipulation is not of the Lord and is neither loving nor respectful of another. It is our sinful nature that teaches us to manipulate and it can begin at an early age. A man may seek to manipulate through charm, money, power, words or actions. A man may also seek to manipulate a female through trying to make her feel sorry for him. A female should run from a man who is a manipulator just as a man should avoid a female who manipulates. Females can also manipulate through being enchanting or charming, through their beauty, tears, words or actions. It is not godlike but is more like the devil. Someone who is a manipulator can not be trusted.

When you sit down to dine with a ruler,
Consider carefully what is before you,
And put a knife to your throat
If you are a man of great appetite.
Do not desire his delicacies,
For it is deceptive food. Proverbs 23:1-3

It is only one who trusts the Lord who can be trusted. Don’t listen to what a person says but look at the fruit of their life. If they are trusting the Lord then the fruit will reveal what the person is like.

For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush. Luke 6:44

If you want a loving marriage and a godly life then you must learn to trust the Lord to give you what you need and to not manipulate to get what you want. He knows your needs and your desires. Learn to do what is right and to walk uprightly with Him and He will not withhold any good thing from you. Then and only then you will know that the partner that he gives to you in marriage is a gift from Him and not something that you brought about by your manipulation.

No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11b

This is important because in marriage, just as in life, storms will arise and you need to know without a doubt that it was the Lord that brought you two together. If you have that confidence then you will be able to weather the storms together and they will strengthen your marriage rather than weaken it. Trusting the Lord is doing it right. When you do life right then there will be peace, quietness and confidence. Manipulation is doing it wrong. When you do life wrong there will be doubt, stress and problems.

And the work of righteousness will be peace,
And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.

Isaiah 32:17

A Life with Love Does Not Tempt

Love does not tempt someone to do what is not right in the eyes of the Lord. The Bibles says that it is wrong for a man to look on a woman with lust for her.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27,28

Since the Lord says that it is sin for a man to look at a woman with lust then it is also wrong for a female to stir up lustful desires in a man that can not be fulfilled righteously. This stirring up of his flesh can be done by the way she dresses, the way she acts or the words that she says. Just as it is not loving for a man to lust after a woman neither is it loving for a woman to tempt a man to lust after her. God is love and God does not tempt people.

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. James 1:13

Satan tempts people to sin just as he sought to tempt Eve in the garden to sin. When a person tempts another person to do wrong then they are acting like the devil who seeks only to destroy.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

Jesus Christ came to give life but Satan comes to bring death and destruction and he does it by tempting people to sin. Sin brings death spiritually, death to the soul and death to the body. After the death that sin brings there is guilt and after guilt there is judgment.

And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, Hebrews 9:27

When a female tempts a man to look on her flesh in an inappropriate manner then she is seeking his death and destruction. She may think that he is giving her attention but just as her desire is selfish toward him, in the same way, his desire is selfish toward her. Love and selfishness are opposites and a man who is selfish will never be able to love a woman the way she longs to be loved. Also, a woman who can control a man by appealing to his flesh will never respect him the way a man longs to be respected. It is a “lose, lose” situation for both the man and the woman.

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. James 1:14-16

Rather, a godly woman will be one who seeks to point a man to the Lord Jesus Christ. Her mind will be set on spiritual things rather than things of the flesh. She will bring life and peace to a man.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, Romans 8:6

A man who finds a wife who is godly finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

He will be blessed all of the days of her life. She will be faithful to him and will seek his good.

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12

A Life with Love Must Have Truth

Love must have the truth. If there are lies then there is not love nor will there be love. Love and lies can not abide in the same person. Where there is love there must be truth.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 14:6

God is love and God is truth. The only way that someone can have love in their life and know the truth is to have God in their life. No one can have God in their life apart from Jesus Christ for He is God’s only begotten Son and equal to God the Father. For this reason, no one can come to God, the Father, except through Jesus Christ, His Son.

Your word is truth. John 17:17b

You must know God’s Word to know the truth. When you know the truth then you will not be deceived and will be able to identify the lies and schemes of the devil. You also will not add to God’s Word for you will know what it says. Eve added to what the Lord had commanded them. He only said “not to eat of the tree of good and evil”. He did not say anything about touching the tree. Eve added those words to God’s words. The Lord gives us the grace to keep His Words but not the words that we add to His Words. He does not want us to add to what He has said.

The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” Genesis 3:2,3

We are to know the truth of God’s Word so that we can resist the devil, identify his lies and also so that we will not distort the Word of God to our own destruction.

in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction.

II Peter 3:16b

If you want the life that the Lord intended for you and the marriage that He planned then you must know God’s Word. His Word is the blueprint and the instructions on how to experience God’s love and plan for your life. His Word will allow you to grow in the grace and knowledge of Him. Incline your ear to God’s Word rather than what the rest of the world is saying. Keep them in the midst of your heart and do not let them depart from your sight. God’s Words are life to those who find them and health not only to their bodies but to their relationships also.

My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
For they are life to those who find them
And health to all their body. Proverbs 4:20-22

A Life with Love Can Be Stolen

Love is a gift that the Lord gives. He wants every married couple to discover His gift of love and to keep it. When a man and a woman get married they both have great intentions to love one another and yet not all who find love end up keeping the deep and abiding love that can last a lifetime that the Lord planned for them. Many married couples either split up or end up existing together but few have a greater love for each other at the end of their lives together than they did at the beginning of their marriage.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

God’s purpose for mankind was that they would experience and live life to the fullest. The Lord wanted life to overflow for men and women. However, just as the Lord gave Adam and Eve a choice when He created them, that they could choose life or death, so also there was one who did not want them to have the life that the Lord planned for them. The serpent, who was the devil in disguise, wanted Adam and Eve to choose death. He could not make them eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil so he had to find another way to get them to disobey God. He had to put doubt in their minds so that they might begin to question God and doubt His wisdom and love. However, since Adam had named the serpent, he may have been more familiar with his craftiness so the serpent came to Eve.

“Indeed”, he said, “has God said?” It was almost as though the serpent was saying, “Has God really said this?” The serpent focused on what they could not do. The Lord said that they could eat from any tree but the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. One of his schemes is that he will point out what you are not to do, as though the Lord is depriving you from something good. The devil is a liar and a thief and he comes only to do you harm and to cause you grief. The word “evil” means to cause grief and his name is the “evil one”.

The Lord tells us to resist the devil and he will flee. We are not to engage in conversation with him for he is a liar.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

If only…Eve had submitted to what the Lord had said and resisted the devil. How many “if only’s” do you have in your life? Regret is death to the soul and is the consequence of “if only I had…”. The fewer regrets you have in your life the happier you will be. Death to the soul comes from not submitting to the Lord and not doing exactly as He says to do. If you want love in your relationships and marriage and to experience life to the fullest then you must learn to submit to God and resist the devil.

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:1-4

The way that we resist the devil is to quote the Word of God. The devil tried to tempt Jesus to get Him to do something that was not the Father’s plan for Him but the only correct answer is “It is written…”. Jesus submitted to the Father’s will and resisted the devil. Jesus had no regrets and God’s love for the world could not be stolen by compromise.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

It was because of Eve’s “if only…” that began the greatest love story ever known and that is the story of God’s redeeming love for the world by sending His Son to take the disgrace and punishment that Adam and Eve and the rest of us deserved. Jesus was faithful and obeyed the Father completely and in doing so restored the love relationship that was stolen and brought redemption to mankind. It is for this reason that He is what history is all about for history is really “His story”.

A Life with Love is Vulnerable

Love makes us vulnerable because it sets us up for the possibility of rejection. However, vulnerability is a part of the marriage relationship and the fulfillment in marriage comes when there is love and total acceptance in the relationship. This is how God loves and this kind of mutual love in marriage can not be found anywhere else but in Him. It is His design and when we live according to His design then we will praise Him and thank Him for His wisdom, His kindness, His perfection and His amazing plan for us.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:25

If you want the kind of love that the Lord planned for your marriage then you must begin before marriage to follow His instructions. Every reference in the Bible to nakedness refers to shame except for the nakedness in marriage and the nakedness of babies and older people when they are helpless and dying.

He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

When you are naked without the protection of the marriage covenant then you open yourself up for your shame to be exposed and to be rejected by another.

“Your nakedness will be uncovered,
Your shame also will be exposed; Isaiah 47:3

Those who would have honored you will be tempted to despise you once they see your nakedness. Once you realize that you are no longer honored as you once were or should be honored then you, yourself will groan within and struggle with the lack of respect.

All who honored her despise her Because they have seen her nakedness; Even she herself groans and turns away. Lamentations 1:8

It is not love for a man to look on a woman in her nakedness unless he is married to her. Marriage is a commitment to love unconditionally the other and if he wants to see her nakedness before marriage then he is not loving her before marriage and will not love her after marriage. The Bible says that the eyes of man are never satisfied and he will not be satisfied for very long by what he sees before marriage if he sees a woman in her nakedness. If a woman allows a man to see her in her nakedness before marriage then she has exposed herself to her own shame and destruction.

Nor are the eyes of man ever satisfied. Proverbs 27:20b

Amnon thought he “loved” Tamar but he did not love Tamar, he lusted after Tamar. He wanted Tamar in her nakedness and wanted to lie with her. After he got what he wanted then he despised her. His hatred of her was greater than his “love” for her.

When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” However, he would not listen to her; since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” II Samuel 13:11-15

It is disgraceful for a man and woman to be physically intimate before marriage. It is foolish for the man and he violates the woman and brings disgrace to her. The fulfillment of a man’s lust sows the seeds for the death of love and respect in a marriage. It is only a matter of time before the seed grows and produces the bad fruit of distrust and disrespect. If he does not marry the girl that he has violated then he is adding sin to sin. God is not mocked and it is only a matter of time before he will start reaping the consequences of his actions.

But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” Yet he would not listen to her. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now throw this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her.” II Samuel 13:16,17

If you want the kind of love in your marriage that the Lord designed then you must learn His ways and do them. His love for you is perfect and His ways are perfect. His plan for you is love, for you to love and to be loved unconditonally. This is the way He loves and it is a love that accepts, protects, cherishes and lifts up each spouse to a higher lever of intimacy than they ever dreamed. This is the vulnerability in marriage that every married person longs for, to be loved for exactly who we are without the fear of rejection.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, I John 4:18

A Life with Love Must Have a Builder

Adam and Eve needed the Lord and they needed Him to instruct them and to show them how to do life. The sooner that we realize that we are the clay and that the Lord is the Potter then the happier and stronger our lives and marriages will be.

But now, O Lord, You are our Father,
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all of us are the work of Your hand. Isaiah 64:8

We are the work of God’s hands and He made us in love and His plan for our lives is to be loved and to love. This is why He calls us His “beloved”, because He wants us to be loved by Him. We belong to Him and that means that we are to “be longing” for Him. He longs to love us and how blessed are those who long for Him and His love.

Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him. Isaiah 30:18

As you yield to the Potter and allow Him who made you to build your life, relationships and marriage then you will thrive. He knows exactly what is perfect for you and He loves you perfectly. Your labor will be in vain until you come to the place in your life of surrender to Him and allow Him to be your Lord and Savior.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman keeps awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Psalm 127:1,2

Not only will He build your life and marriage but He will also give to those who are loved by Him even while they sleep! Do you know His love and are you one of His beloved children? Are you weary of trying to make it on your own? He invites you to come to Him. He will give you rest from your labor in vain.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Faith is coming to Him. He is gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul as you learn to take His yoke for His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

A Life with Love Must Be Established

For love to last in any relationship then it must be established on the foundation of God’s Word and the knowledge of Him.

By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
Proverbs 24:3

Relationships and especially marriages must be built, they do not just happen. They are like a house and must have a solid foundation, which is the Lord and His Word, and they must be built according to God’s blueprint. Wisdom comes from fearing the Lord and keeping His Word. As you do this then you will learn His ways, which is His wisdom and you will grow in understanding.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10

Wisdom is knowing how to apply the knowledge that you need in any given situation. The knowledge that you need comes from the Lord and He gives those who fear Him the wisdom of what to do on how to achieve a desired result, such as, a strong marriage or strong friendship. As you learn to walk in His ways and live according to His wisdom then you will gain understanding as you grow in the knowledge of the Lord. The more you know Him then the more you will want to know Him. The same is true with God’s wisdom. The more you live according to His wisdom the more you will want His wisdom and everything in your life to be according to His ways.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. James 3:17

God’s wisdom is pure and peaceable. It is gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits. God’s wisdom is also unwavering and without hypocrisy and this is what will characterize your life, your marriage and your relationships when you build them on God’s Word. You will find love, your life will be filled with love and you will keep love. As time goes on it will get even better because love grows and deepens with time.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

We all need wisdom and this promise that the Lord gives is one of His amazing promises and is a picture of His grace. He says that He will give wisdom to anyone who will ask Him and He will give it generously. He also says that He will not reproach you, which means that He will not reproach you for your lack of wisdom but rather He has been wanting you to ask Him for wisdom so that He can give it to you. Do you need wisdom in your relationships? Ask Him and He will give it to you. It is much better to have wisdom and to do it right from the beginning rather than wait for things to go wrong and then need wisdom. However, either way, He will give you His wisdom to build your marriage right and He will give you wisdom to correct the problems when things go wrong if you will ask Him.

And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:4

You will find that as you build your life, relationships and marriage on God’s wisdom and it is established on understanding then the days will be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Your cup will overflow with much blessing and great joy. Your life and your marriage will be a blessing to many.