God’s ways are perfect and they are good. The Lord gave us marriage as a gift and for our good. God’s design is for the husband to love and honor his wife and for the wife to respect and love her husband. A husband needs to be respected and a wife needs to be loved. If a husband loves his wife then his wife will want to respect her husband and in the same way, if a wife respects her husband then the husband will want to love and cherish his wife. Together they are a picture of God’s relationship with His people, which is a love relationship. When we live according to God’s ways then we will know significance and worth and feel secure and free. When we follow His ways by faith then we receive understanding. Often we want to understand first and then follow but we are to “trust and obey” the Lord and then we receive understanding. The husband is not to “lord over the wife” and the wife is not to “go her own way”. The Lord has made the husband and wife to be one. It is the most intimate of all relationships and when experienced according to God’s design it becomes the sweetest of all relationships and brings much comfort and joy to both the husband and wife. They each need the other. It is true that “it is not good for man to be alone”. This applies to both men and women. Even though sometimes the Lord gives the grace for someone to not marry, it is God’s design for most to marry. I hope that this post will bring you encouragement and instruction on how to have not only life in your marriage but an abundant life in your marriage. Jesus Christ came that we might not only have life but an abundant life. He loves us and gave His life for us that we might know love, peace and joy, which comes through Him. This post is God’s design for the wife in the marriage.
A wife is a gift to her husband. So much so that the Lord uses the word helper in Genesis 2, which can also be translated savior. It is the only time in Scripture that word is referred to a person. Every other time that word refers to God.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
That is how important a wife is to her husband. When she is a godly wife then she is truly like the Proverbs 31 wife and she “does him good all the days of her life” and “the heart of her husband trusts in her and he has no lack of gain”. She does not bring her husband grief but she is so valuable to him that he not only desires her but he needs her.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12
The second word the Lord uses is that she is “suitable” to him. This word means in the Hebrew that she is to “correspond to him”. When the word correspond is broken down then it literally means “cor” and “respond”. She is to respond to his heart, since “cor” means heart. This is a beautiful picture of God’s people (the church) as we are to be like King David and be a people after God’s own heart.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
There are truths in God’s Word concerning marriage that are often overlooked. One of these truths is that “moral excellence” is the root of true love. A wife longs to feel loved by her husband. If she feels loved then she will want to do anything to please him because that is how the Lord has made her. However, if a couple has compromised morally before their marriage then they have sown seeds of destruction that are manifested after their marriage. This truth is found in II Peter 1. The Lord tells us seven characteristics that we must have if we want Christian love in our relationships. The first is to supply moral excellence.
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. II Peter 1:5-7
It is the female that allows a man to touch her in ways that are reserved for marriage. The Lord instructs the man not to “touch” a woman in Corinthians. The Lord says that it is not good for a man to touch a woman. The word “good” means the highest form of love. So, the way a man shows love to a woman is to wait until marriage to touch her. This is important because once there is touch in a relationship between a man and a woman then the relationship changes. She has given part of herself to the man. Not only has the relationship changed in that way but also the female begins to be deceived. She can no longer see clearly.
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. I Corinthians 7:1
There is another truth important in marriage relationships and this truth is to protect the female, especially when she can’t see clearly. This truth is in Corinthians that “the father gives the daughter away” to the man she is to marry. He transfers the authority and responsibility to the “husband to be” at the wedding ceremony. Since a woman is so easily deceived she is to never be out from under protection and authority. Her father is her protection from the Lord before marriage and her husband is her protection from the Lord after marriage. Sometimes when a wife does not feel loved by her husband then she needs to ask herself these two questions: “Did we morally compromise before marriage?” and “Did my father want me to marry him?” She may say to herself that her father did not say anything but that is usually because he knew that she would do it anyway. These truths are very important to understand because a female can never see through a man. She needs her father to see the man for who he is. A father will not want to give his daughter to a man that he does not approve of for his daughter. This truth is also very important to understand from a female point of view. If she violated these truths then she married this man out of disobedience and wanting to “go her own way” and then when she wants to leave him because she does not feel loved then the disobedience is continuing and now she wants to “go her own way” again. If she can get someone who has authority in the church to say that she can leave her husband then it seems that she has approval to leave her husband.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:3-5
However, the Lord has given the responsibility to older women to teach the younger women to “love their husbands”. An older woman can see through the manipulative tactics of another woman whereas a pastor can not. The Lord has made men to protect women and often a woman can appeal to that aspect in a pastor so that he will tell her that if she is being abused then she should leave her husband.
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. I Corinthians 7:10
Even if a woman is in a marriage that is difficult then the Lord has given her clear instruction on what a wife should do. He says in I Corinthians 7:10 “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband”. This is very clear and straightforward. She is not to leave. When a wife leaves her husband then she is relieving him of the responsibility of marriage that comes with the authority that God has given to him. She is getting out from her God given authority. She is allowing herself to be influenced and deceived by the evil one. She has no protection from the lies that she hears in her heart and the lies that she hears from others. She has opened herself up to much greater pain and grief. It is very rare that a man will abuse a woman that he respects. She sowed the seeds of disrespect before they were married. However, the marriage is not hopeless, for with the Lord, there is always hope.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. I Peter 3:1-6
The answer is not for her to leave. Rather the answer is for her to apply I Peter 3: 1-6 This passage is very important to understand when the first four words are understood. “In the same way” is referring to being mistreated as Jesus was and to do what Jesus did, if we are His follower. Jesus was reviled and suffered greatly. However, He kept entrusting Himself to Him to judges righteously. The Lord will deal with a husband who mistreats his wife. It is important to understand that nearly every wife will “feel” mistreated at some time or other and some will feel “abused”. Whether she is suffering unjustly or justly the Lord will help her. Women can be very sensitive to things that a man is totally unaware of and she may feel unloved and unappreciated. Sometimes a man has to learn how to “love” his wife. If a woman responds to her husband in a God given way then he will learn how to live with her in an understanding manner. This is crucial for a husband to understand as each wife is uniquely made.
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…I Peter 3:7a
The next truth in the I Peter 3:1-6 passage is that she is to submit to her own husband. She is not obligated to submit to any other man. A woman can only submit and respond to one man. The expression of her submissiveness to her husband is obedience, “being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord,”.
Jesus Christ is a wife’s LORD and her husband is her lord.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24
Submission is obedience. Obedience is the expression of submissiveness. They are hand and glove. This is very important as a woman may be tempted to say to herself, “I am submitting to him but I don’t have to obey him”. The Lord has called her to not only submit but to obey her husband.
The Lord says that a woman is not to say that she made a mistake in marrying the man.
Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? Ecclesiastes 5:6
What are the works of her hands? It is her children. One of the reasons why the Lord says that He hates divorce is because of what it does to the children.
This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:13-16
How many children have been hurt by divorce? How it must grieve the heart of the Lord. What is the answer for the wife if her husband mistreats her? She is to keep her marriage vow.
When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! Ecclesiastes 5:4,5
The marriage vow is made to God. It is not ended until death. Even it one of the married persons is unfaithful it does not nullify the marriage vow of the other. The Lord gives instruction on what a wife should do if she does leave her husband.
(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), I Corinthians 7:11a
Again, the Lord speaks to this issue in His Word.
But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. I Peter 2:20b
Many struggles in marriages come from not following God’s blueprint for marriage. However, He says that when His ways are not kept then grace abounds. Grace abounds to do the right thing. This grace is not a freedom to do what we want or “as a covering for evil”. This grace is the ability to live in obedience to God’s ways.
but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, Romans 5:20b
The Lord says in His Word that, “God meets the one who delights in doing righteousness”. Righteousness is doing it right, which is obeying His commandments and living God’s way. Another verse is “the work of righteousness is peace and the service of righteousness is quietness and confidence forever”. How wonderful it is when God’s people live according to God’s ways. There is peace in the home and grace truly reigns through righteousness, that is, living according to God’s blueprint.
so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:21b
It is only by God’s grace that a husband and wife can learn to “consider one another more important than themselves”, which is the attitude that characterized Jesus Christ. The biggest enemy to love is selfishness and it is only in Christ that someone can learn to love in an unselfish manner. When this is done in the marriage then this couple experiences the greatest of all loves and they become a fragrant aroma of God’s love to all who know them.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, Philippians 2:3-5
Instructions To A Young Life 
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