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Understanding the Power of the Words You Speak

It is crucial that a young lady learns the power of her words. Her words will either build up and encourage her husband or they will destroy him. A man needs his wife’s affirmation, encouragement, words of comfort, words of praise and kindness through the words that she speaks to him. A man will become what his wife says about him. If she builds him up then he will be built up and if she tears him down then he will feel torn down and defeated. Her confidence in what God is doing in and with him and believing in him will make a difference in his confidence in what God is doing in and with him and the confidence that he needs as he goes out into the world. A man’s wife should be and needs to be his biggest cheerleader. She needs to believe in him when he does not even believe in himself and when he feels that no one else believes in him. The Lord said that she is to be his savoir. Not a Savoir like the Lord Jesus Christ but a savoir for him when he is discouraged and down. She needs to point him to the One and only Savoir and the only way that she can do this is if she, herself, is looking to Jesus Christ to be her Savoir.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What It Means to Help Your Man through Your Words

The word “helper” in this verse literally means savoir. This is the only time that it is used in reference for a person. Every other time that it is mentioned in the Bible it is in reference to God. One of the ways that God saves us is through His Word. The Bible says that “He sent His Word and saved them”. In the same way, the words of a wife to her husband can make such a difference in his life that they will save him from great discouragement and despair. Her words will keep him from depression and from being dismayed. Her words have the power to life him up, to keep him from doing something wrong and from making a bad decision. Her words will motivate him to higher goals and make him want to be the man that her words tell him that he is. He will become what she says to him. Her words will make her husband a better man or her words will, in the same way, destroy her husband. Her words can keep him from stepping out in faith and her words can make him feel worthless. Her words can literally take the life out of him and take away his desire to live.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Understand that the hardest thing in the world is to control your tongue. The Bible even says that no one can control the tongue. However, you can control what you listen to and what you listen to and what goes into your heart is what will determine the words that come out of your mouth. Do not allow yourself to be with women who talk negatively about men or their husbands, if they are married. Make friends with women who have a healthy view of marriage and men. Have an older married woman who is wise, in your life who you can go to, should you find yourself struggling in your marriage. You must learn to see your husband through God’s eyes. Don’t ever compare your husband to your father. Your father was young and immature at one time and it takes a lifetime to become the person that God designed us to be. A young man is like a young woman and he is still maturing just as a young woman is still maturing. In fact, don’t focus on your husband, rather concentrate on you becoming the woman and wife that you need to be and that is a wife who builds her husband up. Your husband needs you to be that faithful believer in what the Lord is doing in his life. He needs your words of love, your comfort and your encouraging words. He needs your respect and there is no greater way to communicate respect than in the way you talk to him and in what you say to him. He needs you to be a blessing to him.

By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
But by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down. Proverbs 11:11

Understand the Timing of When the Woman Makes a Commitment to the Man

Timing is very important in love relationships. In all love relationships there needs to be an initiator and a responder. Just as in our relationship with the Lord. The Lord is the One who is the initiator and we are the responder. We respond to His love and His choosing to love us. In the same way, the man is the initiator and the woman is the responder. The man must take responsibility for the relationship and therefor the woman must wait for the man. If the man only initiates to a certain level then that is where the relationship remains. If the man only wants a friendship and you want more then do not try to make the relationship into something that it is not. A man does just what he wants to do. If he wants a commitment relationship then he will pursue one. If a man wants to marry a girl then he will pursue her. The man is the one who asks the girl out for a date and he is the one who pays for the date. Do not pay. If he can not afford an expensive restaurant then let him take you to one that is not so expensive. Money does not make love and if it is important to you to go to expensive places and he can not afford it nor want it then you need to move on and he also needs to pursue someone else. Do not pay for the dinner. A man will get the money for what he wants and needs. A man appreciates what he works for so do not “give” to him. The man is to be the lover and the one who takes responsibility for where he takes you, when he takes you and how much it cost. He does not need your help. This is important to understand because one of the lies in the world is that the woman should spend her money also on the man. Absolutely not. If he gives you a Christmas present then yes, you can give him one if you would like, but do not spend more money on him than he has on you. Do not tell a man that you love him until he has asked you to marry him. Love is a commitment and he should not be telling a woman that he loves her until he is ready to commit his life to her. Do not be physically intimate with a man until after marriage. Many a man will stay engaged forever to get what he wants but never take the step of marriage. A man makes the commitment to marry, he asks the woman to marry him and then he plans and pays for the honeymoon. He also is the provider for the family. There is no problem with the wife working if it is agreed but even then, it is best to live off of the husband’s income. This creates gratitude in the wife and a oneness in the marriage. When a man gets married then he must be ready to give up everything for his wife and then after marriage the wife is to give up everything for her husband, but not before marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25

Understand What is Wise and What is Foolish

Understand that a wife is a gift to a man and most men want to get married. Most men are looking for the “right” one and want a wife. However, men understand that marriage is a responsibility and men will sometimes put off responsibilities as long as they can. If they can get what they want without the responsibility then they will often not take the responsibility at all (“If the milk is free, why buy the cow?”) or if a woman will assume the responsibility in a relationship then many men will let her and will never take any more of the responsibility. He may stay with her in this dysfunctional relationship forever, even with her waiting for him to initiate, or until he gets tired of her. Meanwhile, she keeps hoping, initiating and spending her money on him and missing other opportunities with better men, who think that she is already in a relationship. A woman is foolish to give herself physically to a man before marriage or to spend her money on dates with him or gifts for him.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:28-32

Men love their own bodies and when a man loves a woman then he will commit himself to taking care of her as he takes care of himself. A man also will guard his investments. Let him invest in you rather than you investing in him. His heart will follow where he puts his treasure. A man appreciates what he works for and what he waits for. Don’t be in a hurry. Put your trust in the Lord and let the Lord choose your spouse. He will make a much better choice than you can make. As you wait for the man the Lord has for you then you will be waiting on Him and you will know when the Lord brings him along because your future husband will love you more than you will love him. Just as the Lord loves us more than we love Him and our love for Him is a response to His love for us. We love Him because He loves us.

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him. Isaiah 64:4

Understanding How Love Begins As a Commitment

Love is a commitment. Love is a commitment that is expressed through actions. The feelings of love will come and go and come again if the commitment is firm in the lives of the two who are “in love”. The commitment of love is designed for marriage and God’s design for marriage is that the husband and wife will be “in love” and stay “in love”. God is love and the only way that two people in marriage can be and stay “in love” is if they are “in Christ”. Jesus Christ is God and He is love and His life and death fully expressed the meaning of love. We know love through Him and when our lives are in Christ then we will live in His love. When Christ is in us and we live in His love then His love will be expressed through our lives and those in our life will experience His love. However, when someone gives their life to Jesus Christ for Him to live in and through them it is the beginning of experiencing His love and of the transformation of becoming like Christ.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17

Understanding How to Live in a Committed Love Relationship

The new Christian is like a baby in the sense that they need to mature. Just as a baby is alive and must learn to do much so the new Christian is a baby in Christ and will mature as they grow in their new relationship in the Lord. A Christian may not always know how to love but they will want to learn. A Christian marriage, in the same way, needs to mature as each one learns how to love the other. As each partner in the marriage grows in their personal Christian life then the love in the marriage will also grow and mature. There needs to be much confession, forgiveness and grace shown to each other. If this is done, then the couple will learn to love each other even more and the love will not be quenched through selfishness and sinfulness. We are all basically selfish and sinful but when we give our lives to the Lord then He gives us a new heart and a new spirit to live an unselfish and righteous life, seeking to do what is right and loving.

Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. II Peter 2:1-3

Understand that a loving marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth. It is absolutely a taste of heaven to be “in love” and stay “in love” with someone for a lifetime. There is a sweet oneness of mind, soul, body and spirit. There is great comfort in the companionship and friendship of another who you intimately know and by whom you are intimately known. A great marriage does literally multiply your joy and allows another to share in your sorrows. You are not alone and never get tired of the other one. This is only possible through oneness. Just as you never get tired of being with yourself because you are one with yourself, in the same way, you have such a joy and thankfulness for the gift that God has given you through your spouse. However, all of this is only possible through Jesus Christ. Those who do not believe this is possible do not know the One who makes all things possible and who came that we might have life and love through Him. It is the devil that robs and destroys marriages and he does so through the lies that we hear that it is okay to do relationships according to what we want and how we want to live. God is not mocked. The marriage without Christ will never have the love and joy that He alone offers. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to restore us to Himself and to restore the fellowship with each other that He designed from the beginning. It is possible and it can be real life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

Understanding the Need for Confidence

There is something very attractive about a confident woman. Confidence is the opposite of fearfulness. A fearful woman is hesitant in everything. Fear is paralyzing and keeps a person from experiencing life. When a woman is confident then she can be decisive when opportunities come along. A confident woman knows what she wants and is willing to wait for what she wants. She is not double minded nor does she settle for second best. Men and women are drawn to a confident woman and she will never lack friendships. When a person exudes confidence then others will have confidence in her. Her husband will have confidence in her and her children also. A confident woman knows that the Lord is with her and no one can thwart or destroy God’s plan for her life.

Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:25,26

Understanding Where Confidence Comes From

How can a person have this kind of confidence? Confidence does not come from beauty, from riches, from intelligence or from heritage. Confidence comes from being with the Lord. Peter and John were fishermen and yet they were able to take a stand for Jesus Christ in the midst of older and more educated, more trained and wealthy men. They had confidence because they had been with Jesus and knew who they believed in and that He would be with them.

Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus. Acts 4:13

When a person spends time with the Lord in His Word then that person learns God’s ways. Another word for God’s ways is righteousness. The right way to live is God’s way and the person who learns to live by God’s righteousness will have confidence.

And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17

Understand Need for Wisdom

There are two kinds of wisdom. There is the wisdom of the world that may sound good but in the end it brings death to your soul and body. The wisdom from God is true wisdom and brings life to those who find it. True wisdom not only brings life but it establishes love in relationships and any relationship that is built on God’s wisdom will last and be able to stand through the trials that are a part of the journey. Look at the fruit of wisdom and you will understand that the good fruit of love has as its source the good seed of God’s wisdom. The word blessed means happy. You will be very happy if you find wisdom and you gain understanding. If you seek and find God’s wisdom then you will understand that wisdom is more profitable than money and even valuable material wealth or jewels. In fact, if one were to be given or inherit wealth if he or she lacked wisdom then the wealth would be lost in a matter of time. The same is true with any gift that God gives to men and women. Love is the greatest of gifts but if a person is lacking in wisdom then they will lose the love in their relationships and will often lose the marriage and friendships also. There is nothing in life that compares to finding wisdom. When one finds wisdom then he will also find life, riches and honor, which are the very things that many seek. The way of wisdom is pleasant and peaceful. She is life to those who find her and happy will be the person who holds fast to God’s wisdom. Even the Lord Himself, by wisdom He founded the earth and by understanding He established the heavens. Man is still trying to search out the order and depth of the universe and man never ceases to marvel at how perfectly the earth and heavens move and how delicate their balance is so that they sustain life.

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom
And the man who gains understanding.
For her profit is better than the profit of silver
And her gain better than fine gold.
She is more precious than jewels;
And nothing you desire compares with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways
And all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who hold her fast.
The Lord by wisdom founded the earth,
By understanding He established the heavens. Proverbs 3:13-19

Understand Two Kinds of Wisdom

God’s wisdom is good and it is perfect. It will never disappoint. The world will never accept God’s wisdom because only those who fear the Lord and honor Him can know the wisdom of God. You must choose which wisdom that you will listen to and live accordingly. There are many many “how to” books and many people read them and live by them. If they are good then they will be based on God’s wisdom but if they are not good then they will be the latest trend or opinion, which may sound good, but the end result is not good. How can you know the difference? The only way is to know the true wisdom from above and if you know the true wisdom then you won’t have to read the many books, of which many are partial truths mixed in with partial lies. That is how the devil pulled Eve into believing what he was saying, by first doubting what God said and then mixing lies in with partial truths. He tried the same tactic with Jesus and he failed because Jesus knew the Word of God and recognized the lies and misquoting of God’s Word. God’s Word is wisdom and you must read and study His Word to be able to stand against the lies of the world and the demonic wisdom that infiltrates so much knowledge and teaching in schools and elsewhere.

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. James 3:13-17

God’s wisdom is pure, gentle, filled with peace, reasonable, full of mercy and the end result is good. It has good fruit because the seed is good. The seed is good because God is good. If you will build your life and relationships on God’s wisdom them they will stand strong and you will have a good and pleasant life and your relationships will be filled with love.

By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3,4

If Eve had first given herself to the Lord then she would not have given the forbidden fruit to Adam. Eve was deceived because her priorities were not in order. A girl will always give the wrong thing to a guy if she does not first give herself to the Lord. She may give her heart to a guy before the time to do so or she may give her body to a guy before the appropriate time because she has not first given her heart and body to the Lord. If she does either then she will be hurt. It is not “if she will be hurt” but it is “when she will be hurt” because she has not walked in God’s ways. The Lord says that “Blessed is the person who fears the Lord and walks in His ways”. Fear the Lord means that a person respects the Lord and what He says and does it. Walking in His ways means that a person will walk through life according to how the Lord tells us to walk. The Lord teaches us His ways because He does not want us to get hurt. When we are stubborn and think that we know better then God then we will always get hurt. When we do not listen to the Lord but we listen to others then we will be hurt. The Lord has no hidden agenda. The Lord loves each person and wants the best for them. He knows how to do life because He is the author and creator of life. If you want to do life right and be happy then you must follow what He says.

And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. I Timothy 2:14

Eve was deceived because she listened to the devil and did not remember what the Lord said and “it sounded good”. She reasoned within her heart. She listened to a lie and she responded to a lie and did what was wrong. She brought destruction to herself. Doing right is like swimming upstream. It will not just happen. You must be pro-active. You must set your heart to do what is right and then go about doing what is necessary to fulfill what is right.

Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; Proverbs 2:2

Understand that if you give your heart and body to the Lord and seek to walk in His ways that He will guard your heart and your body until the time is right for you to give it to your husband on your wedding day. The Lord loves you and He does not want to see you get hurt. Trust Him with what is most precious to you. The Lord will Himself put pressure on your husband to treat you right and the Lord will deal with your husband severely if he does not treat you right. Let the Lord be the One whom you trust first and foremost of all.

for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. II Timothy 1:12b

Just because a female offers a man something it does not mean that he should take it. If he loves himself and if he loves her then he will not take what is not his to take. He is sinning just as Adam sinned when he took what he knew that he should not take from Eve. Women are easily deceived and might think that something might be good to give but the man is not deceived. He knows that it is wrong. The Lord will judge him. The woman is doing wrong also and she will be judged by the Lord as well, but often the outcome will be bitterness toward men or bitterness towards her husband. Either for the man or for the woman it is not good to give or take physically before marriage and both are sowing the seeds of discontent and trouble in their marriages, whether they marry each other or each marry someone else.

Understanding What Causes Wrong Responses

The Lord made women to be responders. If a woman responds to a lie then her response will be wrong every time. When she listens to lies, not only will her response be wrong but she will find herself confused. The Lord is not a “God of confusion”. God is a God of truth and “He is the Truth”. There is not much in the world today that is truth so a woman must seek out truth. When she learns truth then she will be able to identify lies. Most lies are the truth that has been distorted or tweaked. They are counterfeit “truths” and not truth at all but “look” like the truth and may “sound” like the truth. They may seem to make sense at first but the end is destruction. Satan is a liar and the father of lies. His plan for all people is destruction. Satan is a destroyer. He wants to destroy you and any love relationship that you have the opportunity to have. Satan wants to destroy marriages and families. He wants to destroy children. Often at first, the devil will “question” the truth to put doubts in people. The devil wants people to doubt God’s great love.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” Genesis 3:1

Understand the Need to Know and Listen to the Truth

Eve should never have engaged in conversation with the devil. If you talk to a liar then you will be lied to every time. If a person will lie then they will be unfaithful. Never be friends with a liar and if a man is a liar have nothing to do with him. Love is trust and you will never be able to trust him. God’s Word is truth. You must know God’s Word with all of your heart. God’s Word is what will teach you the truth in every area of life. God’s Word will keep you from getting hurt. God’s Word is life. Read God’s Word every day and memorize verses. Get a friend to help you. Eve added to God’s Word and Satan was able to take advantage of her error. Do not add to God’s Word and do not take from it. The Bible says, “wise men store up knowledge”. Even if you do not understand it then ask God for understanding.

The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:2-5

Understand that the choice is your choice also, whether you will choose God and His truth or choose Satan and his lies. One choice leads to life and the other choice leads to death. Adam and Eve chose Satan over God. They chose to listen to the lies of the devil rather than the truth of God. They died. God does not lie. Do not lean on your own understanding. The tree, that God had forbidden them to eat of, looked good to Eve, but it was the snare of death. She brought death to herself and death to Adam. She exchanged happiness for sorrow and sadness. She exchanged peace and security for fear and anxiety. Happiness does not “just happen to those who are lucky” but happiness in life comes from making the right choices. There is only one right choice to make and that is to live God’s way, for His way is a way of life, peace and love. Many a woman has brought destruction to her own life, home and family because she trusted in herself rather than in God.

When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” Genesis 3:6-10

Adam and Eve became afraid because they had done wrong and hid themselves from God and His love. We make our choices and our choices make us. Make sure you make the right choice in life. Your happiness and love will depend on it.

Understanding What It Means to Have A Pure Heart

The Bible says that God looks on the heart but man looks on the outward appearance. If we could see everyone’s heart then none of us would be desirable because all of our hearts need purifying. However, the Lord, who made us can see the truth in us and can also cleanse our heart. We need to have a pure heart. There is something very refreshing about a person with a pure heart. When a person does not have a pure heart then the Bible says that they are double minded. They are not sure what they want and they are very hard to please. The word “integrity” means that there is oneness within the person. There soul and spirit is integrated into one. A person with a pure heart is a person of integrity. When Jesus Christ comes and lives within a person then He gives them a new heart and He begins to transform them into a person of integrity. A person of integrity can be trusted. They have no hidden agenda. A person with a pure heart will always point you upward in the right direction and will cause others to want to be pure. They will raise the standard wherever they go and often will not even be aware of it. A man that finds a wife with a pure heart will always be blessed. She will be faithful to him and do him good all the days of her life.

                Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

Understanding How to Get a Pure Heart

A wife who has a pure heart is more precious than jewels to her husband and if he is wise then he will value her greatly. However, only the Lord can purify our heart. It does not matter what you have done in the past. A pure heart is not necessarily an innocent heart. A pure heart is a new heart that the Lord gives to all who come to Him in humility and whoever will call on Him to cleanse them and purify them. He can and wants to restore your purity. Ask Him to cleanse your heart. Read His Word and you will find that His Words are pure and they will cleanse your heart. If you had a dirty hand and you were to put your hand under a spigot of flowing water then the dirt would be dislodged and your hand would be cleansed. The Word has cleansing power. Read God’s Word every day and keep reading it and do what He says. If there is something to give thanks to Him about then give Him thanks. If there is something to confess then confess to Him what you have done wrong. He loves you and will cleanse you and give you a pure heart.

You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. John 15:3

The best preparation for a relationship and marriage is to become the person that God designed you to be. The way that happens is by spending time with the Lord and allowing His Word to transform you. He will give you very much and the only things that He will take away are the things that would hurt you. Next to spending time with the Lord is spending time with friends who will point you to the Lord. Ask the Lord for friends with a pure heart. You will know when you meet someone with a pure heart because their heart will reflect your heart and you will not be deceived (for the heart is more deceitful than all else) but will see how dirty your heart is. Our tendency is to think that we are doing okay but that happens when we are around people who do not have a pure heart. One of the first steps to a pure heart is to acknowledge that our heart is not pure. All of our hearts need cleansing. It is sweet when we have no ulterior motive with others but we can love them with a pure love. That is the kind of love that makes a marriage great because it is God’s kind of love.

As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man. Proverbs 27:19