The Lord does not shame His children and neither are we to shame one another. There is probably nothing greater that can quench love than to shame another whom God has called us to love. When a person has done wrong then they feel their own shame and it is not the responsibility of anyone else to add to it.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
When a wife shames her husband then it goes to the very core of his being and she becomes like one who drains the life out of him. Rather than being a blessing or a gift to him as the Lord intended she has become like the rottenness of death to his very bones.
But when David returned to bless his household, Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants’ maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!” So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel; therefore I will celebrate before the Lord. I will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes, but with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished.” Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death. II Samuel 5:20-23
When Michal, King David’s wife shamed him then he no longer desired to be with her. She had no child to the day of her death. Sometimes a wife will want to put her standards on her husband but she is not to be his conscience and her standards may not be the standards that the Lord has called him to.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. I Peter 3:1,2
A wife is not responsible for her husband’s actions but she is responsible for her behavior before the Lord. If her husband is not doing what is right in the sight of the Lord then the Lord will deal with him.
For the scepter of wickedness shall not rest upon the land of the righteous, So that the righteous will not put forth their hands to do wrong. Psalm 125:3
If a person is a Christian and is in authority then the Lord will not allow that Christian to continue to do wrong. The Lord will deal with him. If a husband continues to do wrong and the wife has been submissive to her husband and not been his conscience then she needs to trust in the Lord. He is faithful and will not allow the righteous to continue to do wrong.
The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. John 8:3-6
When the leaders brought to Jesus a woman who had been caught in adultery, He did not shame her but rather took the focus off of her by writing on the ground. When Jesus wrote on the ground then everyone was no longer looking at the woman but looking at what He was writing. Since she had been caught in adultery, in all likelihood she was not fully clothed. Rather than allowing her to receive further shame from others He wrote on the ground, He used the time needed for someone to bring her something to wrap herself in.
But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. John 8:7-9
Jesus is so amazing that He did not even shame those who brought her to Him. He again stooped down to give them a gracious opportunity to realize that they were not any different than the woman who had been caught in her sin.
Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.” John 8:10,11
We are all sinners. Grace is the opposite of shame. Jesus did not come to shame us but He came to show us God’s grace so that we might acknowledge our own sin and come to Him in faith. Salvation is a gift that we receive by His grace when we come to Him in faith.
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; Ephesians 2:8
When the woman called Jesus Lord then she was acknowledging that Jesus Christ is the Savior who came into the world. He did not come to condemn but He came to forgive.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
She left her encounter with Jesus having been forgiven. His command to her was to “go and sin no more”. If we have had an encounter with Jesus and we have been forgiven then we will want to “go and sin no more”. A changed life is a testimony of a person who has come into a relationship with Jesus Christ. We will no longer want to do the things we did before.