Instructions To A Young Life

Understand that a Marriage Needs a Solid Foundation

Love and marriage does not just happen but it needs to be built. Just as anything that is built to last must have the right foundation, so it is with love and marriage. If the love relationship in marriage is to last through the storms of life then it must be built on the right foundation. The storms will come and will test the love and the marriage. If the relationship is built on the right foundation then you need not fear. Testing always reveals the weaknesses, so during the storms things might seem sometimes fragile, do not fear, but be faithful and the storm will soon pass.

For no one can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 3:11

Understand You Responsibility In Building Your Marriage

Jesus Christ and His Word is the only foundation that will stand the trials of life. Every marriage will be tried and tested through the storms that come it’s way. If the marriage is built on the Lord then He will cause it to stand. We are weak but He is strong and He is faithful. Read, meditate on and study God’s Word and do according to all that is written in it and then your marriage will be successful. God’s grace is getting up after falling down and not losing our desire or the power to do life right, which is according to God’s Word. Though a Christian may fall, the Lord lifts him up and holds his hand. If you fall or fail, then get back up and do it right. Marriage is humbling but it is a good humbling because when we truly love someone then we want to change. Marriage may reveal how little we love someone else and generally we find that the one we want to love more than our spouse is ourselves. Marriage reveals our selfishness but the Lord wants to make us like Him, who was not selfish at all, but loved to the end. Jesus was faithful to love and to consider others more important than himself.

But each person must be careful how he builds on it. I Corinthians 3:10b

Understand that you are either building your marriage or you are tearing it down. A marriage is built day by day. To build a marriage right then you must be faithful every day to do what is right, even when you do not feel like it. If you build your love and marriage on God’s Word then you will receive great comfort and love the rest of your life. If you do not build it on God’s Word then you will receive much grief and heartache. The Lord gives us everything we need to build our marriage on the right foundation, which is Jesus Christ. He also gives us what we need to build it where it will stand through the storms and be a comfort, support and refuge throughout our lives. Get help from others. Go to women who have a successful marriage and ask them what they have done. The Lord provides older women to help younger women. Ask the Lord to help you. The Lord delights in helping those who want to do it right and who ask Him for help.

The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

The only way that a person can have the right foundation in marriage is if they have the right foundation in their own life. If you have not given your life to Jesus Christ, to follow Him and love Him, then you can do that today. He will come into your life and He will start rebuilding your life the way it needs to be. He gives a person not only a new foundation, but a new start. He takes the bad and gives the good. He knows what you need and He will fulfill you and be your Good Shepherd. He loves you and if you will trust Him then He will teach you and lead you in the right way. Not only will your marriage be able to stand but your life will stand through the storms. He will give you peace, joy and great love.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

One of the characteristics of being in love and staying in love is gratitude. Thankfulness is the expression of gratitude and gratitude is remembering the love and kindness that has been shown to you. If anyone loves another then there should be an expression of gratitude. Any act of kindness is a tangible expression of love and the giving of thanks is the least that the recipient of love can give in return. The Bible says that thankfulness was in the garden of Eden and the Bible says that the ungodly do not give thanks. Giving thanks is giving honor and respect and the lack of thankfulness is selfcenteredness and disrespect. Gratefulness is a character quality of a great person, a great friend and a great spouse. Gratefulness is a character quality of a person who knows and walks with God. Thanksgiving is expressing gratefulness and will be seen in any love relationship, whether it is a person’s love relationship with God, their love relationship in a marriage, the love in friendships and the love relationships in families.

…like the garden of the Lord; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and sound of a melody. Isaiah 51:3

God is love and He shows His love all of the time to mankind, to the righteous and the wicked. The least a person can do is thank God for His mercies. He sends rain on the good and the evil and He also causes His sun to shine on the good and the evil. He sets the boundaries for the ocean and has fixed the order of the seasons. Becoming a grateful person begins with remembering God’s love towards us. He promised that He would never flood the earth again. He has told us over and over again that we do not need to fear if we trust Him. We do not need to fear the negative opinions of the world. The climate can not change apart from God and no plague can “wipe out” the population of any nation nothing is out of God’s control. God is loving and no evil dwells with Him. We can believe in Jesus Christ and live in His love or we can choose not to believe in Jesus Christ and we will not see His love. He shows His love towards His children more than a thousand different ways and His children are forever grateful for His many acts of love because of His greatest expression of love and that is Jesus Christ going to the cross to die for our sins. When we experience God’s love we want to thank Him. When we cease to thank Him then we have forgotten His great love.

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Romans 8:32

In a similar way, when we cease to thank our spouse for their love then we have forgotten all that has been shown to us by another. When we do not thank our parents for their love then we have forgotten the sacrifices they have made to give to us. When we do not thank our friends for their kindness in being our friend then we are again ungrateful and when we are ungrateful in anything then more than ever we are undeserving. As a person matures they realize that nothing should be taken for granted. All that we have is a gift from God, whether it is being called His child, having parents who love us, friends who we can count on, a spouse who is faithful and loving or whatever good relationships that we have been given. They are all an expression of His kindness to us. If you are grateful for what the Lord has done in your life then express your gratitude by giving thanks to those who love you.

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, Romans 1:21a

Do not marry an ungrateful person unless you want to miserable your entire life and do not be an ungrateful spouse unless you want to make your marriage partner miserable. Marry someone who is thankful and that person will appreciate you and your love for them. If you want to bring joy to your spouse then be a grateful person. Let not a day go by without saying thanks to someone for what they have done. Most important of all, do not let a day go by without giving thanks to God for sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to the cross so that your sins and ungratefulness might be forgiven. Before we knew God, we were all ungrateful and selfish. It is only God’s love that can change us and change the world. When God’s love softens our hearts then we want to thank Him. It is our hardness of heart and pride that refuses to give thanks.

Understanding A Woman’s Response

When the Lord God made a woman for the man He said that He would make one who corresponded to the man. Cor means heart so correspond means to respond to a person’s heart. When a man marries a woman then he gives his heart to her. A woman’s response is one of the most important ways of communication in a relationship. Both men and women often feel clueless when it comes to understanding the other gender. Men and women need each other and need to understand one another. Just as a female takes her cue from a man initiating towards her so the man takes his cues from a woman’s responses. A man marries a girl that he loves because of her response. Her response lets him know that she wants to see him and wants to be with him. One of the most beautiful responses to a man is the smile of the woman he loves because it communicates to him that she is happy. He longs to please her and longs for her to want him as much as he loves her. A man asks a lady to marry him because he is hoping that her response will be yes. Her responses up to that question have given him reason to believe that the relationship is mutual. A man is looking for a woman whom he can give his heart, love and life to and when he asks a girl to marry him then he is bestowing on her the greatest honor. A man only plans to marry once and when he does then he is all in. He wants to believe that she will never change because he has no intention of ever changing. His desire to marry her and to love her is a commitment of his life.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What Keeps a Marriage Alive and Vibrant

A woman gets married in faith believing that, what the man who is now her husband, promised her will be true, that he loves her and will love her “until death do they part”. She wants to believe it but there will come a time when she will not always “feel” loved. A man has to learn how to love his wife. Every woman is different and what made his mother or sister or even another woman feel loved is not always what will make his wife feel loved. Men try to do the right thing but it is a learning process and they must learn to live with their wife in an understanding and loving manner. They have to learn what she needs and they have to learn what her “love language is”. A man learns through his wife’s responses of what she likes and what she does not like. It is crucial that she continues to respond to her husband. When a woman quits responding then a man quits initiating. He feels like giving up because there is “nothing” that can please her and make her happy. There is nothing more distressing to a husband than an unhappy wife and it is communicated through her lack of response. A man will never leave his wife except for another woman who he believes that he can make happy. If your husband hurts you then most likely he is not aware of it. A wise woman will let her husband know what she likes by responding to his love for her. A response needs to be with the whole person. She needs to be excited to see him when they have been away from each other. She needs to want him and respond to him when he initiates intimacy. A man generally can be intimate anytime and so if she responds or lets him know when she “feels” like it or is in the mood then his “love cup” will be full and he will be more understanding of when she needs to sleep, etc. A marriage is a give and give relationship. Both the man and the woman need to give and in giving to each other they will both be fulfilled. The man needs to give through initiating and the woman needs to give through responding. A woman will not leave a man who loves her just as a man will not leave a wife who wants him. It is when the marriage starts to die through a lack of initiation and responding that temptations come. A man needs physical intimacy and a woman needs emotional intimacy. It is a mature couple who learns to give to the other what they need even when they do not feel like giving. The grass is not greener on the other side but the grass is greener where it is watered.

The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered. Proverbs 11:25

When a woman is hurt and closes off her spirit to her husband then she is no longer responding and it confuses the man. It sends conflicting messages and he does not know how to initiate. Explain to your husband why you are hurt but not in an accusatory way. Believe the best in him that he was not aware of hurting you. Communicate with him. A man longs to do it right but sometimes misses it. A wife can help her husband learn to love her. If you have closed off your spirit then you can start responding again. Ask the Lord to help you. Remember the early days of your relationship and do the things you did at first. You responded to him and when you respond to him in the same way then you can rekindle the love. Learn to be generous with your spouse in love and forgiveness and water your marriage. A man needs respect, praise and physical intimacy and when these are lacking in a marriage then he is vulnerable to outside temptations. A woman needs love, time together (it is very helpful if he will continue to “date” his wife once a week, if possible, to give her that one on one time with her husband) and emotional intimacy and when these are lacking then she is more vulnerable to outside temptations. Neither a husband nor a wife deserve love and respect but both need it and wise is the spouse that gives to the other even when they don’t deserve it.

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

The Lord will be a present help in your trouble. Ask Him to help you. He wants to bless your marriage. Marriage is very fulfilling and satisfying for those who look to God to be their refuge and strength. A husband and wife need each other and the comfort, love and respect of one another.

Understanding What Must “Never” be Done in any Relationship

There is only one command that the Lord says never to do. This is especially true in marriage where the temptation is great to do what the Lord has told us never to do. If we will follow the Lord’s instructions in marriage then we will be happy, our spouse will be happy and we will have a very successful marriage.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Romans 12:17a

To pay back evil to someone is the same as taking revenge. The Lord says to never take your own revenge or return evil for evil. Evil means to cause grief. It is the natural response to “if they are going to do something to me then I will do something to them”, or in other words, if someone causes us grief then we don’t want to be nice to them. It is very tempting to say something or even to have an attitude even if nothing is said. It is very destructive when a wife closes off her spirit. She may think that she can continue to do what she should do but it communicates a double message. A marriage is a union of spirit, soul and body. When a wife closes off her spirit then there is no longer a oneness of spirit. It is only a matter of time before there will no longer be a oneness of soul and body. When this happens then the needs that are fulfilled in marriage are no longer being met and each partner becomes vulnerable to outside temptations. With temptations will also come doubts. With doubts come instability in the marriage and unless this trend is reversed then the marriage can easily be damaged or destroyed. It is much harder to fix a problem than to prevent a problem and this problem could have been easily prevented in the beginning when there was a small amount of hurt.

Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. Proverbs 19:20

A wonderful aspect of God’s ways is that even if you have not listened earlier in life, then you can listen today and accept the discipline of the Lord so that you may be wise the rest of your days. If you will listen to the Lord and follow Him by doing exactly as He says then you can be wise the rest of your days and experienced the sweet fruit of wisdom, which is peace and happiness. You alone will experience either the greatest happiness or the greatest pain of the choices you make. Others will suffer also, but not to the degree that you will, for God gives much grace to those who suffer from the consequences from the bad choices of others.

If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, And if you scoff, you alone will bear it. Proverbs 9:12

To scoff means to turn your back on what another says. When someone scoffs at God then they are turning their back on what God says. God’s word is wisdom and when we do not listen to and do what God says then we are scoffing at what He says. If we listen and do what God says then we will be wise. Whether we agree with what God says does not change the truth of what He says. God’s word is truth and we will be wise when we live according to His truth.

Wisdom rests in the heart of one who has understanding, But in the hearts of fools it is made known. Proverbs 14:33

The Bible says that an understanding person is one who knows God and does what He says. Wisdom and understanding go together. If you want wisdom and understanding then seek the Lord and soon wisdom will rest in your heart and you will love life. If you choose to not know God or do what He says then you will feel the pain of not doing wisdom in your heart. You will realize too late that you did not make the right decision because you will feel it in your heart. However, it will not be the good feeling of when you have made a right decision but it will be the feeling of regret and shame.

Doing wickedness is like sport to a fool, And so is wisdom to a man of understanding. Proverbs 10:23

Just like in any sport, the better you get, the more you enjoy it, so it is with wisdom. The more you do wisdom in life then the more you enjoy life. Not only will you enjoy life but you will enjoy your marriage, you children and all of life. The Lord says to never return evil for evil. This is the only time He uses the word “never” in the imperative form.

Understand What We are to Do When Someone Hurts Us

The Lord tells us to give a blessing instead of returning grief. This is truly Godlike and only can be done by God’s grace. This is how the Lord is with us and He wants us to be this way with others. So much so, that if we will give a blessing, then we will inherit a blessing.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For,

“The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
“He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.
“For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” I Peter 3:8-12

Do you want to really live life to the fullest? Do you want your marriage to be blessed? Do you want to be happy and have good days? Then keep your tongue from causing grief and be honest in what you say. Let love and truth characterize your life. Turn away from doing evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. Then the Lord will hear and answer your prayers and His favor will be towards you.

Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. I Peter 3:13,14a

If we do what is right then the Lord will bless us. We will be like our heavenly Father, who does good to all men and women.

Understand The Causes of Marriage Failure

Marriages don’t just randomly succeed or fail. There are reasons for marriages failing and the reasons are not as complicated as one thinks. Marriage is a life of two people who become united before God. The same reasons why people fail in life are the same reasons why marriages fail. Life is a matter of reaping and sowing. A person will reap what they sow, whether it is good seeds or bad seeds. Just like a field…if good seeds are sown then good fruit will come up but if the seeds of weeds are sown then weeds will come up. Also, if a field is not tended then the weeds that inadvertently fall into it will also spring up and choke the good fruit bearing plants. A marriage reaps the seeds that were sown before marriage. If a couple is immoral before marriage and become physically intimate then the bad fruit of those seeds sown through their actions will be a lack of trust in the relationship and will lead to a lack of love. A wife should not be surprised if her husband is unfaithful to her if she married an immoral man and in the same way a man should not be surprised if his wife is unfaithful if he married an immoral woman. There is a much less likely chance of unfaithfulness in a marriage if both people were morally faithful before marriage. Also, if the woman initiated or manipulated to “get” her husband then she will have doubts if he is the “right one” after marriage. Becoming one in marriage is not easy because it is the dying of each of the two that they might become one in life. There is much give and take and “not getting you own way” in marriage. If there is jealousy and strife in the relationship then marriage becomes far more difficult. Whatever a couple has done in private before marriage will show itself later on in the marriage. In many ways, the time before marriage determines the joys and struggles after marriage. Much more time needs to be put into the preparation of and decisions about marriage before the couple even meet. Marriage is a gift and a work that brings great joy and satisfaction when done right but will also bring much sorrow and grief if done wrong. How much easier it is to prevent a problem than to fix a problem. Building a marriage is similar to building a house and far more important.

Prepare your work outside And make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house. Proverbs 24:27

Understand What Is Needed to Prevent a Marriage from Failure

No one goes to the altar with the desire that their marriage will fail. Many books are written on “how to have a successful marriage”. There are two things that a person basically needs to have a successful marriage and to keep a marriage from failing. Those two things are wisdom and prudence. Wisdom is how to succeed and prudence is the flip side of wisdom, in the sense, that prudence tells you what you need to do to prevent failure. Every girl should be desperate to get wisdom and prudence. Prudence will keep her from pain and wisdom will tell her what she needs to do to get out of pain and stay out of pain. Many a girl has had her heart broken simply because she did not have wisdom and prudence. Wisdom will let a girl know what kind of man to marry and prudence will tell her what kind of man to avoid. Wisdom will tell her what a man needs and prudence will keep her from doing the things that a man hates. Yes, there are certain qualities that a woman can have that will drive a man far from her and will cause him to not want to come home to her. If she has wisdom then often he will eagerly look forward to seeing her and coming home. Wisdom and prudence are available to any who will seek God. God is wisdom and prudence also dwells with Him.

I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And I find knowledge and discretion. Proverbs 8:12

I love those who love me;
And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

Ask God for wisdom. He says that He will give to all who ask Him and He will give wisdom generously and without reproach. That means that He wants to show you the best way and He will not reprove you for not coming to Him earlier. He is waiting for all of us to come to Him for wisdom. Every person in the world needs God’s wisdom and He is more than willing to share it. The Lord wants you to succeed in love and in every area of life. It does not matter how big of a mess you have ever gotten into but that He will show you what you need to do to get out of the mess and get into success.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5