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A Life that Understands Blueprint for Marriage

Understand that There is a Blueprint for Marriage

God’s blueprint for marriage is perfect. God’s blueprint for marriage is right. Another word for God’s way in marriage is righteousness. Where there is righteousness then there will be peace, quietness and confidence. When these qualities are not present in a relationship then that is an indication that something is not being done right. Go back to the blueprint. Look at the blueprint for before marriage and the blueprint for after marriage. Some things that are wrong before marriage are right after marriage and some other things that are right before marriage are wrong after marriage. It is wrong for a girl to submit to a guy before marriage and it is wrong for her to not submit after marriage. (A girl is to obey her father before marriage and after marriage she is to submit to her husband). It is wrong for a girl and boy to know each other physically before marriage and it is wrong to withhold the physical after marriage. (Love must rule and both the spouses must be considerate of each other. There are also times when the sexual aspect should not be experienced, such as during a woman’s time of month and around six weeks after she has a baby. The length of time is in the Bible, it differs for a girl baby and a boy baby.) There is a time and place for everything. Many marriage problems are because the relationship was not done right before marriage and the couple reaps the bad fruit in the marriage. Other marriage problems are because the blueprint was not followed after marriage due to ignorance about God’s ways. God created man and woman equal. There is equality in marriage but there is also an order for the good and protection of the woman. There are also different responsibilities that come with the different positions. There are many things that are not mentioned and if it is not defined in the Bible, then it does not matter which spouse does it. For example, there is no mention of cooking, changing diapers, etc. nor is it wrong for the wife to work, etc. as long as her responsibilities in the home are attended to properly. Again, if life is not being done right, then there will not be peace, quietness or confidence. If each spouse is in a right relationship with God then the good fruit of love, joy and peace will be seen in their marriage. If a marriage is done right then there will be the good fruit in the children of good manners (respect towards others), good behavior and a love for the Lord. If a family is done right, then that family will have the good fruit of love for others and will be a blessing and light to the world. (These are also the qualifications of a leader.)

By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong,
And a person of knowledge increases power.
For by wise guidance you will wage war,
And in an abundance of counselors there is victory. Proverbs 24:3-6

Understand Destruction that Comes From No Blueprint in Marriage

Much time is spent in planning a wedding but much more time needs to be spent in planning the marriage. Plan and take care of your marriage and God will use your marriage to take care of you. It is not good for man to be alone and God designed marriage for people so that they would not be alone. Woe to one who falls and there is not one who loves them to pick them up. We need someone in our lives to love and to love us. We need someone who we can trust and who will be there during times of better or worse. When there are children we need parents to raise them and not a single parent or no parent. God’s plan from the beginning was good and it was loving. God’s plan still is good and it is still loving but we must follow His plan to experience that love and His goodness. Read God’s Word and do it. The Lord has much to say about the time in a relationship before marriage and how to prepare for marriage and much to say about marriage. Nearly everything that is in the world about marriage is either a lie or a truth mixed with lies. God is not a God of confusion. If you seek Him then you will find Him, if you seek Him with all of your heart. He is light and in Him you will see light. He will show you what you need to do each step of the way.

“Now why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when there was a flood, the river burst against that house and yet it could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation; and the river burst against it and it immediately collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:46-49

Now is the time to build your life on the Lord and His Words. When the storm comes then it is too late to build. Not everyone who calls Jesus Lord belongs to Him. Jesus Christ is only your Lord if you do what He says. Act on what He says and then you will often understand it. Do not wait to understand it and then act on it. That is not faith. Faith is trusting the Lord in what He says and doing it. Faith is building your life on His Word. When you live this way then you will not be confused and He will help you and guide you. The Lord meets the one who delights in living according to God’s ways. Trust Him and you will not be disappointed.

A Life with Love on How to Love

Love is not random nor are some people just lucky to find love. Love does not just happen with two people. Just as there are principles in finance and laws of nature so there are laws and principles on love. Within a person there must be the root for love and the right nurturing for love to grow and mature. There is a root for love and just as the roots produce the fruit in nature so love is a fruit with a certain root within an individual. We can not produce a true and lasting love on our own. It must be produced within us and love must have the necessary root so that it might bear the fruit of love. Without this root there will be no true and lasting love. When there is a lasting and true love between two people then there will also be the other characteristic of a loving relationship and, that is, there will be trust. Love and trust are in all great marriages.

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. II Peter 1:5-7

Moral excellence is the characteristic of anyone who is worthy of trust. A morally excellent person is one who will not compromise. They don’t lie, cheat or steal. They don’t deceive others nor slander others. A morally excellent person keeps their commitments even to their own hurt. Their word is good and can be trusted. These characteristics are what we want in our leaders, neighbors, friends and marriage partners, but more important than desiring them in others, is for us to cultivate them within ourselves. How blessed is the person who has a leader, neighbor, friend or spouse with moral excellence and even more blessed is the person whose own life is characterized by moral excellence. The root of true love is moral excellence.

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; II Peter 1:2

The beginning of moral excellence is a knowledge of God. All moral excellence is based in God. Some people want to do good without God, but it is impossible to do good with a pure heart, on our own, for our very own hearts are corrupted. When life is all about self then there will be a conflict of interest. If there is One greater than ourselves that we want to please, then we will be willing to sacrifice what we want, for the knowledge of Him. When we want to please Him then we will know Him and when we know Him then grace and peace will be multiplied to us. Grace and peace are found in Jesus Christ. We can not give to others what we ourselves do not have. When we receive grace and peace then we can give grace and peace to others.

seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. II Peter 1:3

When we know the Lord Jesus Christ and we receive His grace and peace then He also gives us His divine power in everything that pertains to life and living a Christlike life. This divine power comes through the true knowledge of Him. We must know the Lord, not merely know about Him, but we must know Him with our heart, soul and mind. This is how we receive the true knowledge of God that comes through His Word, which is the revelation of who He is. He has called us to know Him and He wants us to share in His glory and excellence. We do this through following Him in obedience to His Word.

For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. II Peter 1:4

The Lord wants us to have a loving marriage and relationships where there is trust. The Lord plans only good for us. He wants us to escape the corruption that is in the world. The corruption in the world comes from the evil desires of others and if we don’t become like Christ, who is good and loving, then we too, will be corrupted by lust. Lust is the same Greek word as desire. A desire becomes a lust when it is desire that is out of the will of God. God’s will is moral excellence. The only way that we can become partakers of the divine nature is through the promises of God. The promises of God are magnificent, glorious and excellent. When we live according to His Words and His promises then we will live a magnificent, glorious and excellent life. In doing so, we will become trustworthy and will be a blessing to many. If we choose to live according to our own ways and desires then much grief will come to us and many broken and damaged relationships. Our lives will become corrupted.

For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard. Hebrews 4:2

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the beginning of moral excellence. Not just believing that Jesus Christ lived, but also believing that He is the Son of God, that He lived for you, that He died for you, that He was raised from the dead for you and He lives today for you to know Him. He loves you. This is the good news. However, this good news will only profit those who believe it and unite themselves to Christ in faith. When a person comes to Christ then they receive Jesus Christ into their life and their life starts to become transformed in that excellent and glorious likeness of Christ through His precious and magnificent promises.

A Life that Understands Marriage Needs a Builder

Understand that a Marriage Needs a Master Builder

Just as with any aspect of creation, to understand it, we must go to the creator. To understand a work of art, it helps to know the artist. To fully comprehend the building plans we must know the builder. The Lord is the One who created marriage. Marriage is a beautiful picture of God’s love and He gave us a building plan for His design for marriage. If marriage is done right then it is the most wonderful, fulfilling, exciting, loving and joyful experience on earth. It truly can be heaven on earth, but only if it is done God’s way. Just as He gave us a blueprint for marriage, He also said that if we would allow Him, then He would build our marriage. The Lord is a wonderful Master Builder, who does all things well. We will experience His wonder, His love, His glory, His wisdom, His power, His riches and His peace if we let Him build, not only our lives, but our relationships and marriage. He is good and His ways are perfect.

Unless the Lord builds a house, They who build it labor in vain; Psalm 127:1a

Understand the Devastation and Destruction that Comes with No Master Builder

There is such a tendency to think that we “can do it”. That is nothing but pride. We can only do what is right by God’s grace. The Lord is the only One who has done life right and it is only when we come to Him, in humility, will we learn His righteousness, which is “doing life right”. When we do life and marriage right then there will be love, joy and peace. When we don’t do life right then there will not be any peace, quietness or confidence.

Woe to him who builds his house without righteousness, Jeremiah 22:13a

There are so many lies out in the world about marriage. Some people say that there can not be a loving marriage or that people who love each other do not have to get married. They are right, no one has to “get married” but the love will not last. No one has to choose the Lord or walk in His ways. Love is a choice and the Lord does not force anyone to choose Him or to follow His ways. However, the Lord is not mocked. God’s ways are true and He is faithful. If you want life, love and peace then you must follow the One who is life, love and peace and who gives life, love and peace to those who belong to Him. If you listen to lies then you will respond to lies. If you respond to a lie then your response will always be wrong. The first thing you need to do is listen to the truth. The truth can be found in God’s Word. Know the Lord and know His Word. You can learn His Word a little by little and as you do so then you will grow in Him and in His love. You will learn to do what is right and your life will soon take on a much greater meaning and you will find much fulfillment in life. Your life and marriage will be blessed and you will have great joy and much love. You will be blessed and you will be a blessing.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Proverbs 3:5-7

A Life that Is Faithful and Full of Faith

Since there is some unfaithfulness in marriages the question comes up, “What should a wife do if her husband has been unfaithful to her?”. That is an excellent question. What should a wife do? She should be faithful. She should always do what is right. Just because her husband has been unfaithful to his marriage vows it does not mean that she should be unfaithful to her marriage vows. Marriage vows are made to God. They are not made to each other but to God. She should keep her marriage vows to God…to love her husband for better or for worse. Circumstances do not change our vows. Vows to God can not be annulled. A marriage is a permanent oneness and is “until death do us part”. A wife is to stay with her husband and not leave him.

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband I Corinthians 7:10

It is the Lord that says that she should not leave her husband. The Lord is very much able to deal with her husband. Her husband is not her responsibility. It is her responsibility to be the wife that God designed for her to be and to fulfill her responsibilities to the Lord. She needs to not say anything to her husband, nor should she tell other people what he has done, but rather she is to find a older godly woman who she can talk to and confide in about her situation. The Lord will take care of the wife if she will trust in the Lord even if her husband does not treat her right. Sarah was a beautiful example of this when Abraham was willing for another man to have sexual relations with his wife. Sarah trusted the Lord and the Lord did not allow the man to touch her. A woman’s biggest protection is to be in God’s will and to obey the Lord.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. I Peter 3:1-6

Although it is very painful for the wife when a husband has been unfaithful to his wife, it will be even more painful to disobey the Lord in what He says. John the Baptist got his head cut off because he told King Herod that he had his brother’s wife, and he did not say “ex-wife”. If you were ever married to a person then you are still their wife. If you are married to another man then you are committing adultery. If your husband divorced you and you were not unfaithful to him, then he is also guilty of his adultery and your adultery, of being married to another man. God’s design is for one man to be married to one woman and vice versa. Anything beyond this is adultery, unless one of the spouses have died. It does not matter who counsels you otherwise, there is no justification for remarriage of any kind for a divorced person while their spouse is still living, even if they have not seen their original spouse for years and even if the original spouse has remarried.

For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man. Romans 7:2,3

Faithfulness to the Lord and His ways is not easy. It was not easy for Jesus to be faithful to the Father and go to the cross. However, if anyone wants to follow Jesus then it means following Him in what He says. God’s teaching on marriage is sometimes difficult but it is His way. Even His apostles struggled with it but they all ended up getting married except for Paul, and they were faithful to the Lord even to the point of death.

The disciples *said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” Matthew 19:10

Adultery only happens when someone has sexual relations other than their spouse. If a woman is unfaithful to her husband then she alone is responsible for her adultery. However, if a man divorces his wife and she remarries then she commits adultery and he is also responsible for her adultery because he divorced her. He also is a divorced man and whoever marries a divorced man commits adultery and the divorced man also commits adultery. This is what this verse is referring to, that the husband becomes responsible also for the adultery of his wife if she remarries. If a woman does not have sexual relations with anyone but her husband then she is not an adulteress. A man can not “make” his wife commit adultery unless she remarries. Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery because she is still her original husband’s wife. If a man divorces his wife and marries another woman then he is committing adultery and also bigamy. He now has two wives.

but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:32

Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery. Luke 16:18

There are no exceptions. And do not say that it was a mistake to marry the original spouse.

When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? Ecclesiastes 5:4-6

A Life that Understands Marriage Needs Foundation

Understand that a Marriage Needs a Solid Foundation

Love and marriage does not just happen but it needs to be built. Just as anything that is built to last must have the right foundation, so it is with love and marriage. If the love relationship in marriage is to last through the storms of life then it must be built on the right foundation. The storms will come and will test the love and the marriage. If the relationship is built on the right foundation then you need not fear. Testing always reveals the weaknesses, so during the storms things might seem sometimes fragile, do not fear, but be faithful and the storm will soon pass.

For no one can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 3:11

Understand You Responsibility In Building Your Marriage

Jesus Christ and His Word is the only foundation that will stand the trials of life. Every marriage will be tried and tested through the storms that come it’s way. If the marriage is built on the Lord then He will cause it to stand. We are weak but He is strong and He is faithful. Read, meditate on and study God’s Word and do according to all that is written in it and then your marriage will be successful. God’s grace is getting up after falling down and not losing our desire or the power to do life right, which is according to God’s Word. Though a Christian may fall, the Lord lifts him up and holds his hand. If you fall or fail, then get back up and do it right. Marriage is humbling but it is a good humbling because when we truly love someone then we want to change. Marriage may reveal how little we love someone else and generally we find that the one we want to love more than our spouse is ourselves. Marriage reveals our selfishness but the Lord wants to make us like Him, who was not selfish at all, but loved to the end. Jesus was faithful to love and to consider others more important than himself.

But each person must be careful how he builds on it. I Corinthians 3:10b

Understand that you are either building your marriage or you are tearing it down. A marriage is built day by day. To build a marriage right then you must be faithful every day to do what is right, even when you do not feel like it. If you build your love and marriage on God’s Word then you will receive great comfort and love the rest of your life. If you do not build it on God’s Word then you will receive much grief and heartache. The Lord gives us everything we need to build our marriage on the right foundation, which is Jesus Christ. He also gives us what we need to build it where it will stand through the storms and be a comfort, support and refuge throughout our lives. Get help from others. Go to women who have a successful marriage and ask them what they have done. The Lord provides older women to help younger women. Ask the Lord to help you. The Lord delights in helping those who want to do it right and who ask Him for help.

The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

The only way that a person can have the right foundation in marriage is if they have the right foundation in their own life. If you have not given your life to Jesus Christ, to follow Him and love Him, then you can do that today. He will come into your life and He will start rebuilding your life the way it needs to be. He gives a person not only a new foundation, but a new start. He takes the bad and gives the good. He knows what you need and He will fulfill you and be your Good Shepherd. He loves you and if you will trust Him then He will teach you and lead you in the right way. Not only will your marriage be able to stand but your life will stand through the storms. He will give you peace, joy and great love.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

A Life that Understands Importance of Gratitude

One of the characteristics of being in love and staying in love is gratitude. Thankfulness is the expression of gratitude and gratitude is remembering the love and kindness that has been shown to you. If anyone loves another then there should be an expression of gratitude. Any act of kindness is a tangible expression of love and the giving of thanks is the least that the recipient of love can give in return. The Bible says that thankfulness was in the garden of Eden and the Bible says that the ungodly do not give thanks. Giving thanks is giving honor and respect and the lack of thankfulness is selfcenteredness and disrespect. Gratefulness is a character quality of a great person, a great friend and a great spouse. Gratefulness is a character quality of a person who knows and walks with God. Thanksgiving is expressing gratefulness and will be seen in any love relationship, whether it is a person’s love relationship with God, their love relationship in a marriage, the love in friendships and the love relationships in families.

…like the garden of the Lord; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and sound of a melody. Isaiah 51:3

God is love and He shows His love all of the time to mankind, to the righteous and the wicked. The least a person can do is thank God for His mercies. He sends rain on the good and the evil and He also causes His sun to shine on the good and the evil. He sets the boundaries for the ocean and has fixed the order of the seasons. Becoming a grateful person begins with remembering God’s love towards us. He promised that He would never flood the earth again. He has told us over and over again that we do not need to fear if we trust Him. We do not need to fear the negative opinions of the world. The climate can not change apart from God and no plague can “wipe out” the population of any nation nothing is out of God’s control. God is loving and no evil dwells with Him. We can believe in Jesus Christ and live in His love or we can choose not to believe in Jesus Christ and we will not see His love. He shows His love towards His children more than a thousand different ways and His children are forever grateful for His many acts of love because of His greatest expression of love and that is Jesus Christ going to the cross to die for our sins. When we experience God’s love we want to thank Him. When we cease to thank Him then we have forgotten His great love.

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Romans 8:32

In a similar way, when we cease to thank our spouse for their love then we have forgotten all that has been shown to us by another. When we do not thank our parents for their love then we have forgotten the sacrifices they have made to give to us. When we do not thank our friends for their kindness in being our friend then we are again ungrateful and when we are ungrateful in anything then more than ever we are undeserving. As a person matures they realize that nothing should be taken for granted. All that we have is a gift from God, whether it is being called His child, having parents who love us, friends who we can count on, a spouse who is faithful and loving or whatever good relationships that we have been given. They are all an expression of His kindness to us. If you are grateful for what the Lord has done in your life then express your gratitude by giving thanks to those who love you.

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, Romans 1:21a

Do not marry an ungrateful person unless you want to miserable your entire life and do not be an ungrateful spouse unless you want to make your marriage partner miserable. Marry someone who is thankful and that person will appreciate you and your love for them. If you want to bring joy to your spouse then be a grateful person. Let not a day go by without saying thanks to someone for what they have done. Most important of all, do not let a day go by without giving thanks to God for sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to the cross so that your sins and ungratefulness might be forgiven. Before we knew God, we were all ungrateful and selfish. It is only God’s love that can change us and change the world. When God’s love softens our hearts then we want to thank Him. It is our hardness of heart and pride that refuses to give thanks.

A Life that Understands Importance of Response

Understanding A Woman’s Response

When the Lord God made a woman for the man He said that He would make one who corresponded to the man. Cor means heart so correspond means to respond to a person’s heart. When a man marries a woman then he gives his heart to her. A woman’s response is one of the most important ways of communication in a relationship. Both men and women often feel clueless when it comes to understanding the other gender. Men and women need each other and need to understand one another. Just as a female takes her cue from a man initiating towards her so the man takes his cues from a woman’s responses. A man marries a girl that he loves because of her response. Her response lets him know that she wants to see him and wants to be with him. One of the most beautiful responses to a man is the smile of the woman he loves because it communicates to him that she is happy. He longs to please her and longs for her to want him as much as he loves her. A man asks a lady to marry him because he is hoping that her response will be yes. Her responses up to that question have given him reason to believe that the relationship is mutual. A man is looking for a woman whom he can give his heart, love and life to and when he asks a girl to marry him then he is bestowing on her the greatest honor. A man only plans to marry once and when he does then he is all in. He wants to believe that she will never change because he has no intention of ever changing. His desire to marry her and to love her is a commitment of his life.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What Keeps a Marriage Alive and Vibrant

A woman gets married in faith believing that, what the man who is now her husband, promised her will be true, that he loves her and will love her “until death do they part”. She wants to believe it but there will come a time when she will not always “feel” loved. A man has to learn how to love his wife. Every woman is different and what made his mother or sister or even another woman feel loved is not always what will make his wife feel loved. Men try to do the right thing but it is a learning process and they must learn to live with their wife in an understanding and loving manner. They have to learn what she needs and they have to learn what her “love language is”. A man learns through his wife’s responses of what she likes and what she does not like. It is crucial that she continues to respond to her husband. When a woman quits responding then a man quits initiating. He feels like giving up because there is “nothing” that can please her and make her happy. There is nothing more distressing to a husband than an unhappy wife and it is communicated through her lack of response. A man will never leave his wife except for another woman who he believes that he can make happy. If your husband hurts you then most likely he is not aware of it. A wise woman will let her husband know what she likes by responding to his love for her. A response needs to be with the whole person. She needs to be excited to see him when they have been away from each other. She needs to want him and respond to him when he initiates intimacy. A man generally can be intimate anytime and so if she responds or lets him know when she “feels” like it or is in the mood then his “love cup” will be full and he will be more understanding of when she needs to sleep, etc. A marriage is a give and give relationship. Both the man and the woman need to give and in giving to each other they will both be fulfilled. The man needs to give through initiating and the woman needs to give through responding. A woman will not leave a man who loves her just as a man will not leave a wife who wants him. It is when the marriage starts to die through a lack of initiation and responding that temptations come. A man needs physical intimacy and a woman needs emotional intimacy. It is a mature couple who learns to give to the other what they need even when they do not feel like giving. The grass is not greener on the other side but the grass is greener where it is watered.

The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered. Proverbs 11:25

When a woman is hurt and closes off her spirit to her husband then she is no longer responding and it confuses the man. It sends conflicting messages and he does not know how to initiate. Explain to your husband why you are hurt but not in an accusatory way. Believe the best in him that he was not aware of hurting you. Communicate with him. A man longs to do it right but sometimes misses it. A wife can help her husband learn to love her. If you have closed off your spirit then you can start responding again. Ask the Lord to help you. Remember the early days of your relationship and do the things you did at first. You responded to him and when you respond to him in the same way then you can rekindle the love. Learn to be generous with your spouse in love and forgiveness and water your marriage. A man needs respect, praise and physical intimacy and when these are lacking in a marriage then he is vulnerable to outside temptations. A woman needs love, time together (it is very helpful if he will continue to “date” his wife once a week, if possible, to give her that one on one time with her husband) and emotional intimacy and when these are lacking then she is more vulnerable to outside temptations. Neither a husband nor a wife deserve love and respect but both need it and wise is the spouse that gives to the other even when they don’t deserve it.

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

The Lord will be a present help in your trouble. Ask Him to help you. He wants to bless your marriage. Marriage is very fulfilling and satisfying for those who look to God to be their refuge and strength. A husband and wife need each other and the comfort, love and respect of one another.

A Life that Understands What Destroys a Relationship

Understanding What Must “Never” be Done in any Relationship

There is only one command that the Lord says never to do. This is especially true in marriage where the temptation is great to do what the Lord has told us never to do. If we will follow the Lord’s instructions in marriage then we will be happy, our spouse will be happy and we will have a very successful marriage.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Romans 12:17a

To pay back evil to someone is the same as taking revenge. The Lord says to never take your own revenge or return evil for evil. Evil means to cause grief. It is the natural response to “if they are going to do something to me then I will do something to them”, or in other words, if someone causes us grief then we don’t want to be nice to them. It is very tempting to say something or even to have an attitude even if nothing is said. It is very destructive when a wife closes off her spirit. She may think that she can continue to do what she should do but it communicates a double message. A marriage is a union of spirit, soul and body. When a wife closes off her spirit then there is no longer a oneness of spirit. It is only a matter of time before there will no longer be a oneness of soul and body. When this happens then the needs that are fulfilled in marriage are no longer being met and each partner becomes vulnerable to outside temptations. With temptations will also come doubts. With doubts come instability in the marriage and unless this trend is reversed then the marriage can easily be damaged or destroyed. It is much harder to fix a problem than to prevent a problem and this problem could have been easily prevented in the beginning when there was a small amount of hurt.

Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. Proverbs 19:20

A wonderful aspect of God’s ways is that even if you have not listened earlier in life, then you can listen today and accept the discipline of the Lord so that you may be wise the rest of your days. If you will listen to the Lord and follow Him by doing exactly as He says then you can be wise the rest of your days and experienced the sweet fruit of wisdom, which is peace and happiness. You alone will experience either the greatest happiness or the greatest pain of the choices you make. Others will suffer also, but not to the degree that you will, for God gives much grace to those who suffer from the consequences from the bad choices of others.

If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, And if you scoff, you alone will bear it. Proverbs 9:12

To scoff means to turn your back on what another says. When someone scoffs at God then they are turning their back on what God says. God’s word is wisdom and when we do not listen to and do what God says then we are scoffing at what He says. If we listen and do what God says then we will be wise. Whether we agree with what God says does not change the truth of what He says. God’s word is truth and we will be wise when we live according to His truth.

Wisdom rests in the heart of one who has understanding, But in the hearts of fools it is made known. Proverbs 14:33

The Bible says that an understanding person is one who knows God and does what He says. Wisdom and understanding go together. If you want wisdom and understanding then seek the Lord and soon wisdom will rest in your heart and you will love life. If you choose to not know God or do what He says then you will feel the pain of not doing wisdom in your heart. You will realize too late that you did not make the right decision because you will feel it in your heart. However, it will not be the good feeling of when you have made a right decision but it will be the feeling of regret and shame.

Doing wickedness is like sport to a fool, And so is wisdom to a man of understanding. Proverbs 10:23

Just like in any sport, the better you get, the more you enjoy it, so it is with wisdom. The more you do wisdom in life then the more you enjoy life. Not only will you enjoy life but you will enjoy your marriage, you children and all of life. The Lord says to never return evil for evil. This is the only time He uses the word “never” in the imperative form.

Understand What We are to Do When Someone Hurts Us

The Lord tells us to give a blessing instead of returning grief. This is truly Godlike and only can be done by God’s grace. This is how the Lord is with us and He wants us to be this way with others. So much so, that if we will give a blessing, then we will inherit a blessing.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For,

“The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
“He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.
“For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” I Peter 3:8-12

Do you want to really live life to the fullest? Do you want your marriage to be blessed? Do you want to be happy and have good days? Then keep your tongue from causing grief and be honest in what you say. Let love and truth characterize your life. Turn away from doing evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. Then the Lord will hear and answer your prayers and His favor will be towards you.

Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. I Peter 3:13,14a

If we do what is right then the Lord will bless us. We will be like our heavenly Father, who does good to all men and women.

A Life that Understands What Causes a Marriage to Fail

Understand The Causes of Marriage Failure

Marriages don’t just randomly succeed or fail. There are reasons for marriages failing and the reasons are not as complicated as one thinks. Marriage is a life of two people who become united before God. The same reasons why people fail in life are the same reasons why marriages fail. Life is a matter of reaping and sowing. A person will reap what they sow, whether it is good seeds or bad seeds. Just like a field…if good seeds are sown then good fruit will come up but if the seeds of weeds are sown then weeds will come up. Also, if a field is not tended then the weeds that inadvertently fall into it will also spring up and choke the good fruit bearing plants. A marriage reaps the seeds that were sown before marriage. If a couple is immoral before marriage and become physically intimate then the bad fruit of those seeds sown through their actions will be a lack of trust in the relationship and will lead to a lack of love. A wife should not be surprised if her husband is unfaithful to her if she married an immoral man and in the same way a man should not be surprised if his wife is unfaithful if he married an immoral woman. There is a much less likely chance of unfaithfulness in a marriage if both people were morally faithful before marriage. Also, if the woman initiated or manipulated to “get” her husband then she will have doubts if he is the “right one” after marriage. Becoming one in marriage is not easy because it is the dying of each of the two that they might become one in life. There is much give and take and “not getting you own way” in marriage. If there is jealousy and strife in the relationship then marriage becomes far more difficult. Whatever a couple has done in private before marriage will show itself later on in the marriage. In many ways, the time before marriage determines the joys and struggles after marriage. Much more time needs to be put into the preparation of and decisions about marriage before the couple even meet. Marriage is a gift and a work that brings great joy and satisfaction when done right but will also bring much sorrow and grief if done wrong. How much easier it is to prevent a problem than to fix a problem. Building a marriage is similar to building a house and far more important.

Prepare your work outside And make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house. Proverbs 24:27

Understand What Is Needed to Prevent a Marriage from Failure

No one goes to the altar with the desire that their marriage will fail. Many books are written on “how to have a successful marriage”. There are two things that a person basically needs to have a successful marriage and to keep a marriage from failing. Those two things are wisdom and prudence. Wisdom is how to succeed and prudence is the flip side of wisdom, in the sense, that prudence tells you what you need to do to prevent failure. Every girl should be desperate to get wisdom and prudence. Prudence will keep her from pain and wisdom will tell her what she needs to do to get out of pain and stay out of pain. Many a girl has had her heart broken simply because she did not have wisdom and prudence. Wisdom will let a girl know what kind of man to marry and prudence will tell her what kind of man to avoid. Wisdom will tell her what a man needs and prudence will keep her from doing the things that a man hates. Yes, there are certain qualities that a woman can have that will drive a man far from her and will cause him to not want to come home to her. If she has wisdom then often he will eagerly look forward to seeing her and coming home. Wisdom and prudence are available to any who will seek God. God is wisdom and prudence also dwells with Him.

I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And I find knowledge and discretion. Proverbs 8:12

I love those who love me;
And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

Ask God for wisdom. He says that He will give to all who ask Him and He will give wisdom generously and without reproach. That means that He wants to show you the best way and He will not reprove you for not coming to Him earlier. He is waiting for all of us to come to Him for wisdom. Every person in the world needs God’s wisdom and He is more than willing to share it. The Lord wants you to succeed in love and in every area of life. It does not matter how big of a mess you have ever gotten into but that He will show you what you need to do to get out of the mess and get into success.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

A Life that Understands What Allows a Marriage to Succeed

Marriage is not easy but it is very much worth overcoming any obstacles in order to succeed. Marriage is the blending of two lives into one and for a marriage to succeed it must have the blessing of God. The word “blessed” means “happy” and it also means having “the favor of God”. Everyone wants to be happy and when someone is happy in their marriage then they are considered blessed. The Lord tells us in His Word how to be blessed by God. His blessing is available to every person on earth.

in every place where I cause My name to be remembered, I will come to you and bless you. Exodus 20:24b

The Lord says that in every place where His name is remembered that He will come to those where His name is remembered and bless them. If you want your marriage to succeed then the Lord must be central in your marriage. For the Lord to be the center of your marriage then He must be the center of your life. For the Lord to be the center of your life then He must be the Lord of your life.

How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the Lord his God, Psalm 146:5

The word God is a reference to the Lord being a person’s Savior. When the Lord is Lord in a person’s life then He will also be their Savior and He will save them from whatever trouble that they are in. The Lord hears those who call on Him to be their Lord and their Master. He will save you and will save your marriage.

But I, O Lord, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You. Psalm 88:13

Ask the Lord for help every morning. When a person cries out to the Lord in prayer every morning then they are remembering Him every day. Call upon the Lord and He will help you. He will help you in your life and He will help you in your marriage. He will show you His ways and teach you how to live according to His ways.

Help me, O Lord my God; Save me according to Your lovingkindness. Psalm 109:26

The Lord will help you and He will save you according to His lovingkindness. The Lord loves you and He wants you to succeed in life and He wants to bless your marriage and cause it to be successful. The Lord is good and He longs to be gracious to you.

Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him. Isaiah 30:18

Learn to long for the Lord. The Lord longs to bless you and He is waiting for you to come to Him. The Lord is gracious and compassionate.

Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul. Psalm 54:4

When you look to the Lord and call on Him then He will come to you and bless you. You will see His love and kindness and you will love the Lord more and more. You will want to give thanks to Him and bless His name.

For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. Psalm 63:7

The Christian life is sweet and there is great joy in seeing the Lord’s love and faithfulness. When a person comes to Him and gives their life to Him then He makes Himself known to them. He becomes their Lord and their Savior. His love is perfect and there is no fear in trusting Him to be the center and Lord of your life. He truly becomes your Good Shepherd and He will guide and lead you through the storms and trials of life and you will see His favor shine on you and your marriage. You will see how perfect His love is for you. Those who look to Him will truly see His help and His faithfulness and He will be their hope and their salvation. When a person calls on Him and puts their trust in Him then they are blessed and they want to bless the Lord.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. Psalm 103:1-5

The Lord will crown your life and marriage with love and compassion. He will satisfy the years of your life and marriage with good things. The Lord is good and blessed are all those whose help and hope is in Him.