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Understanding A Woman’s Response

When the Lord God made a woman for the man He said that He would make one who corresponded to the man. Cor means heart so correspond means to respond to a person’s heart. When a man marries a woman then he gives his heart to her. A woman’s response is one of the most important ways of communication in a relationship. Both men and women often feel clueless when it comes to understanding the other gender. Men and women need each other and need to understand one another. Just as a female takes her cue from a man initiating towards her so the man takes his cues from a woman’s responses. A man marries a girl that he loves because of her response. Her response lets him know that she wants to see him and wants to be with him. One of the most beautiful responses to a man is the smile of the woman he loves because it communicates to him that she is happy. He longs to please her and longs for her to want him as much as he loves her. A man asks a lady to marry him because he is hoping that her response will be yes. Her responses up to that question have given him reason to believe that the relationship is mutual. A man is looking for a woman whom he can give his heart, love and life to and when he asks a girl to marry him then he is bestowing on her the greatest honor. A man only plans to marry once and when he does then he is all in. He wants to believe that she will never change because he has no intention of ever changing. His desire to marry her and to love her is a commitment of his life.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What Keeps a Marriage Alive and Vibrant

A woman gets married in faith believing that, what the man who is now her husband, promised her will be true, that he loves her and will love her “until death do they part”. She wants to believe it but there will come a time when she will not always “feel” loved. A man has to learn how to love his wife. Every woman is different and what made his mother or sister or even another woman feel loved is not always what will make his wife feel loved. Men try to do the right thing but it is a learning process and they must learn to live with their wife in an understanding and loving manner. They have to learn what she needs and they have to learn what her “love language is”. A man learns through his wife’s responses of what she likes and what she does not like. It is crucial that she continues to respond to her husband. When a woman quits responding then a man quits initiating. He feels like giving up because there is “nothing” that can please her and make her happy. There is nothing more distressing to a husband than an unhappy wife and it is communicated through her lack of response. A man will never leave his wife except for another woman who he believes that he can make happy. If your husband hurts you then most likely he is not aware of it. A wise woman will let her husband know what she likes by responding to his love for her. A response needs to be with the whole person. She needs to be excited to see him when they have been away from each other. She needs to want him and respond to him when he initiates intimacy. A man generally can be intimate anytime and so if she responds or lets him know when she “feels” like it or is in the mood then his “love cup” will be full and he will be more understanding of when she needs to sleep, etc. A marriage is a give and give relationship. Both the man and the woman need to give and in giving to each other they will both be fulfilled. The man needs to give through initiating and the woman needs to give through responding. A woman will not leave a man who loves her just as a man will not leave a wife who wants him. It is when the marriage starts to die through a lack of initiation and responding that temptations come. A man needs physical intimacy and a woman needs emotional intimacy. It is a mature couple who learns to give to the other what they need even when they do not feel like giving. The grass is not greener on the other side but the grass is greener where it is watered.

The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered. Proverbs 11:25

When a woman is hurt and closes off her spirit to her husband then she is no longer responding and it confuses the man. It sends conflicting messages and he does not know how to initiate. Explain to your husband why you are hurt but not in an accusatory way. Believe the best in him that he was not aware of hurting you. Communicate with him. A man longs to do it right but sometimes misses it. A wife can help her husband learn to love her. If you have closed off your spirit then you can start responding again. Ask the Lord to help you. Remember the early days of your relationship and do the things you did at first. You responded to him and when you respond to him in the same way then you can rekindle the love. Learn to be generous with your spouse in love and forgiveness and water your marriage. A man needs respect, praise and physical intimacy and when these are lacking in a marriage then he is vulnerable to outside temptations. A woman needs love, time together (it is very helpful if he will continue to “date” his wife once a week, if possible, to give her that one on one time with her husband) and emotional intimacy and when these are lacking then she is more vulnerable to outside temptations. Neither a husband nor a wife deserve love and respect but both need it and wise is the spouse that gives to the other even when they don’t deserve it.

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

The Lord will be a present help in your trouble. Ask Him to help you. He wants to bless your marriage. Marriage is very fulfilling and satisfying for those who look to God to be their refuge and strength. A husband and wife need each other and the comfort, love and respect of one another.

Understanding What Must “Never” be Done in any Relationship

There is only one command that the Lord says never to do. This is especially true in marriage where the temptation is great to do what the Lord has told us never to do. If we will follow the Lord’s instructions in marriage then we will be happy, our spouse will be happy and we will have a very successful marriage.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Romans 12:17a

To pay back evil to someone is the same as taking revenge. The Lord says to never take your own revenge or return evil for evil. Evil means to cause grief. It is the natural response to “if they are going to do something to me then I will do something to them”, or in other words, if someone causes us grief then we don’t want to be nice to them. It is very tempting to say something or even to have an attitude even if nothing is said. It is very destructive when a wife closes off her spirit. She may think that she can continue to do what she should do but it communicates a double message. A marriage is a union of spirit, soul and body. When a wife closes off her spirit then there is no longer a oneness of spirit. It is only a matter of time before there will no longer be a oneness of soul and body. When this happens then the needs that are fulfilled in marriage are no longer being met and each partner becomes vulnerable to outside temptations. With temptations will also come doubts. With doubts come instability in the marriage and unless this trend is reversed then the marriage can easily be damaged or destroyed. It is much harder to fix a problem than to prevent a problem and this problem could have been easily prevented in the beginning when there was a small amount of hurt.

Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. Proverbs 19:20

A wonderful aspect of God’s ways is that even if you have not listened earlier in life, then you can listen today and accept the discipline of the Lord so that you may be wise the rest of your days. If you will listen to the Lord and follow Him by doing exactly as He says then you can be wise the rest of your days and experienced the sweet fruit of wisdom, which is peace and happiness. You alone will experience either the greatest happiness or the greatest pain of the choices you make. Others will suffer also, but not to the degree that you will, for God gives much grace to those who suffer from the consequences from the bad choices of others.

If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, And if you scoff, you alone will bear it. Proverbs 9:12

To scoff means to turn your back on what another says. When someone scoffs at God then they are turning their back on what God says. God’s word is wisdom and when we do not listen to and do what God says then we are scoffing at what He says. If we listen and do what God says then we will be wise. Whether we agree with what God says does not change the truth of what He says. God’s word is truth and we will be wise when we live according to His truth.

Wisdom rests in the heart of one who has understanding, But in the hearts of fools it is made known. Proverbs 14:33

The Bible says that an understanding person is one who knows God and does what He says. Wisdom and understanding go together. If you want wisdom and understanding then seek the Lord and soon wisdom will rest in your heart and you will love life. If you choose to not know God or do what He says then you will feel the pain of not doing wisdom in your heart. You will realize too late that you did not make the right decision because you will feel it in your heart. However, it will not be the good feeling of when you have made a right decision but it will be the feeling of regret and shame.

Doing wickedness is like sport to a fool, And so is wisdom to a man of understanding. Proverbs 10:23

Just like in any sport, the better you get, the more you enjoy it, so it is with wisdom. The more you do wisdom in life then the more you enjoy life. Not only will you enjoy life but you will enjoy your marriage, you children and all of life. The Lord says to never return evil for evil. This is the only time He uses the word “never” in the imperative form.

Understand What We are to Do When Someone Hurts Us

The Lord tells us to give a blessing instead of returning grief. This is truly Godlike and only can be done by God’s grace. This is how the Lord is with us and He wants us to be this way with others. So much so, that if we will give a blessing, then we will inherit a blessing.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For,

“The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
“He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.
“For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” I Peter 3:8-12

Do you want to really live life to the fullest? Do you want your marriage to be blessed? Do you want to be happy and have good days? Then keep your tongue from causing grief and be honest in what you say. Let love and truth characterize your life. Turn away from doing evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. Then the Lord will hear and answer your prayers and His favor will be towards you.

Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. I Peter 3:13,14a

If we do what is right then the Lord will bless us. We will be like our heavenly Father, who does good to all men and women.

Understand The Causes of Marriage Failure

Marriages don’t just randomly succeed or fail. There are reasons for marriages failing and the reasons are not as complicated as one thinks. Marriage is a life of two people who become united before God. The same reasons why people fail in life are the same reasons why marriages fail. Life is a matter of reaping and sowing. A person will reap what they sow, whether it is good seeds or bad seeds. Just like a field…if good seeds are sown then good fruit will come up but if the seeds of weeds are sown then weeds will come up. Also, if a field is not tended then the weeds that inadvertently fall into it will also spring up and choke the good fruit bearing plants. A marriage reaps the seeds that were sown before marriage. If a couple is immoral before marriage and become physically intimate then the bad fruit of those seeds sown through their actions will be a lack of trust in the relationship and will lead to a lack of love. A wife should not be surprised if her husband is unfaithful to her if she married an immoral man and in the same way a man should not be surprised if his wife is unfaithful if he married an immoral woman. There is a much less likely chance of unfaithfulness in a marriage if both people were morally faithful before marriage. Also, if the woman initiated or manipulated to “get” her husband then she will have doubts if he is the “right one” after marriage. Becoming one in marriage is not easy because it is the dying of each of the two that they might become one in life. There is much give and take and “not getting you own way” in marriage. If there is jealousy and strife in the relationship then marriage becomes far more difficult. Whatever a couple has done in private before marriage will show itself later on in the marriage. In many ways, the time before marriage determines the joys and struggles after marriage. Much more time needs to be put into the preparation of and decisions about marriage before the couple even meet. Marriage is a gift and a work that brings great joy and satisfaction when done right but will also bring much sorrow and grief if done wrong. How much easier it is to prevent a problem than to fix a problem. Building a marriage is similar to building a house and far more important.

Prepare your work outside And make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house. Proverbs 24:27

Understand What Is Needed to Prevent a Marriage from Failure

No one goes to the altar with the desire that their marriage will fail. Many books are written on “how to have a successful marriage”. There are two things that a person basically needs to have a successful marriage and to keep a marriage from failing. Those two things are wisdom and prudence. Wisdom is how to succeed and prudence is the flip side of wisdom, in the sense, that prudence tells you what you need to do to prevent failure. Every girl should be desperate to get wisdom and prudence. Prudence will keep her from pain and wisdom will tell her what she needs to do to get out of pain and stay out of pain. Many a girl has had her heart broken simply because she did not have wisdom and prudence. Wisdom will let a girl know what kind of man to marry and prudence will tell her what kind of man to avoid. Wisdom will tell her what a man needs and prudence will keep her from doing the things that a man hates. Yes, there are certain qualities that a woman can have that will drive a man far from her and will cause him to not want to come home to her. If she has wisdom then often he will eagerly look forward to seeing her and coming home. Wisdom and prudence are available to any who will seek God. God is wisdom and prudence also dwells with Him.

I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,
And I find knowledge and discretion. Proverbs 8:12

I love those who love me;
And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

Ask God for wisdom. He says that He will give to all who ask Him and He will give wisdom generously and without reproach. That means that He wants to show you the best way and He will not reprove you for not coming to Him earlier. He is waiting for all of us to come to Him for wisdom. Every person in the world needs God’s wisdom and He is more than willing to share it. The Lord wants you to succeed in love and in every area of life. It does not matter how big of a mess you have ever gotten into but that He will show you what you need to do to get out of the mess and get into success.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Marriage is not easy but it is very much worth overcoming any obstacles in order to succeed. Marriage is the blending of two lives into one and for a marriage to succeed it must have the blessing of God. The word “blessed” means “happy” and it also means having “the favor of God”. Everyone wants to be happy and when someone is happy in their marriage then they are considered blessed. The Lord tells us in His Word how to be blessed by God. His blessing is available to every person on earth.

in every place where I cause My name to be remembered, I will come to you and bless you. Exodus 20:24b

The Lord says that in every place where His name is remembered that He will come to those where His name is remembered and bless them. If you want your marriage to succeed then the Lord must be central in your marriage. For the Lord to be the center of your marriage then He must be the center of your life. For the Lord to be the center of your life then He must be the Lord of your life.

How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, Whose hope is in the Lord his God, Psalm 146:5

The word God is a reference to the Lord being a person’s Savior. When the Lord is Lord in a person’s life then He will also be their Savior and He will save them from whatever trouble that they are in. The Lord hears those who call on Him to be their Lord and their Master. He will save you and will save your marriage.

But I, O Lord, have cried out to You for help, And in the morning my prayer comes before You. Psalm 88:13

Ask the Lord for help every morning. When a person cries out to the Lord in prayer every morning then they are remembering Him every day. Call upon the Lord and He will help you. He will help you in your life and He will help you in your marriage. He will show you His ways and teach you how to live according to His ways.

Help me, O Lord my God; Save me according to Your lovingkindness. Psalm 109:26

The Lord will help you and He will save you according to His lovingkindness. The Lord loves you and He wants you to succeed in life and He wants to bless your marriage and cause it to be successful. The Lord is good and He longs to be gracious to you.

Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him. Isaiah 30:18

Learn to long for the Lord. The Lord longs to bless you and He is waiting for you to come to Him. The Lord is gracious and compassionate.

Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul. Psalm 54:4

When you look to the Lord and call on Him then He will come to you and bless you. You will see His love and kindness and you will love the Lord more and more. You will want to give thanks to Him and bless His name.

For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. Psalm 63:7

The Christian life is sweet and there is great joy in seeing the Lord’s love and faithfulness. When a person comes to Him and gives their life to Him then He makes Himself known to them. He becomes their Lord and their Savior. His love is perfect and there is no fear in trusting Him to be the center and Lord of your life. He truly becomes your Good Shepherd and He will guide and lead you through the storms and trials of life and you will see His favor shine on you and your marriage. You will see how perfect His love is for you. Those who look to Him will truly see His help and His faithfulness and He will be their hope and their salvation. When a person calls on Him and puts their trust in Him then they are blessed and they want to bless the Lord.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle. Psalm 103:1-5

The Lord will crown your life and marriage with love and compassion. He will satisfy the years of your life and marriage with good things. The Lord is good and blessed are all those whose help and hope is in Him.

Understanding the Power of the Words You Speak

It is crucial that a young lady learns the power of her words. Her words will either build up and encourage her husband or they will destroy him. A man needs his wife’s affirmation, encouragement, words of comfort, words of praise and kindness through the words that she speaks to him. A man will become what his wife says about him. If she builds him up then he will be built up and if she tears him down then he will feel torn down and defeated. Her confidence in what God is doing in and with him and believing in him will make a difference in his confidence in what God is doing in and with him and the confidence that he needs as he goes out into the world. A man’s wife should be and needs to be his biggest cheerleader. She needs to believe in him when he does not even believe in himself and when he feels that no one else believes in him. The Lord said that she is to be his savoir. Not a Savoir like the Lord Jesus Christ but a savoir for him when he is discouraged and down. She needs to point him to the One and only Savoir and the only way that she can do this is if she, herself, is looking to Jesus Christ to be her Savoir.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Understanding What It Means to Help Your Man through Your Words

The word “helper” in this verse literally means savoir. This is the only time that it is used in reference for a person. Every other time that it is mentioned in the Bible it is in reference to God. One of the ways that God saves us is through His Word. The Bible says that “He sent His Word and saved them”. In the same way, the words of a wife to her husband can make such a difference in his life that they will save him from great discouragement and despair. Her words will keep him from depression and from being dismayed. Her words have the power to life him up, to keep him from doing something wrong and from making a bad decision. Her words will motivate him to higher goals and make him want to be the man that her words tell him that he is. He will become what she says to him. Her words will make her husband a better man or her words will, in the same way, destroy her husband. Her words can keep him from stepping out in faith and her words can make him feel worthless. Her words can literally take the life out of him and take away his desire to live.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Understand that the hardest thing in the world is to control your tongue. The Bible even says that no one can control the tongue. However, you can control what you listen to and what you listen to and what goes into your heart is what will determine the words that come out of your mouth. Do not allow yourself to be with women who talk negatively about men or their husbands, if they are married. Make friends with women who have a healthy view of marriage and men. Have an older married woman who is wise, in your life who you can go to, should you find yourself struggling in your marriage. You must learn to see your husband through God’s eyes. Don’t ever compare your husband to your father. Your father was young and immature at one time and it takes a lifetime to become the person that God designed us to be. A young man is like a young woman and he is still maturing just as a young woman is still maturing. In fact, don’t focus on your husband, rather concentrate on you becoming the woman and wife that you need to be and that is a wife who builds her husband up. Your husband needs you to be that faithful believer in what the Lord is doing in his life. He needs your words of love, your comfort and your encouraging words. He needs your respect and there is no greater way to communicate respect than in the way you talk to him and in what you say to him. He needs you to be a blessing to him.

By the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
But by the mouth of the wicked it is torn down. Proverbs 11:11

Understand the Timing of When the Woman Makes a Commitment to the Man

Timing is very important in love relationships. In all love relationships there needs to be an initiator and a responder. Just as in our relationship with the Lord. The Lord is the One who is the initiator and we are the responder. We respond to His love and His choosing to love us. In the same way, the man is the initiator and the woman is the responder. The man must take responsibility for the relationship and therefor the woman must wait for the man. If the man only initiates to a certain level then that is where the relationship remains. If the man only wants a friendship and you want more then do not try to make the relationship into something that it is not. A man does just what he wants to do. If he wants a commitment relationship then he will pursue one. If a man wants to marry a girl then he will pursue her. The man is the one who asks the girl out for a date and he is the one who pays for the date. Do not pay. If he can not afford an expensive restaurant then let him take you to one that is not so expensive. Money does not make love and if it is important to you to go to expensive places and he can not afford it nor want it then you need to move on and he also needs to pursue someone else. Do not pay for the dinner. A man will get the money for what he wants and needs. A man appreciates what he works for so do not “give” to him. The man is to be the lover and the one who takes responsibility for where he takes you, when he takes you and how much it cost. He does not need your help. This is important to understand because one of the lies in the world is that the woman should spend her money also on the man. Absolutely not. If he gives you a Christmas present then yes, you can give him one if you would like, but do not spend more money on him than he has on you. Do not tell a man that you love him until he has asked you to marry him. Love is a commitment and he should not be telling a woman that he loves her until he is ready to commit his life to her. Do not be physically intimate with a man until after marriage. Many a man will stay engaged forever to get what he wants but never take the step of marriage. A man makes the commitment to marry, he asks the woman to marry him and then he plans and pays for the honeymoon. He also is the provider for the family. There is no problem with the wife working if it is agreed but even then, it is best to live off of the husband’s income. This creates gratitude in the wife and a oneness in the marriage. When a man gets married then he must be ready to give up everything for his wife and then after marriage the wife is to give up everything for her husband, but not before marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25

Understand What is Wise and What is Foolish

Understand that a wife is a gift to a man and most men want to get married. Most men are looking for the “right” one and want a wife. However, men understand that marriage is a responsibility and men will sometimes put off responsibilities as long as they can. If they can get what they want without the responsibility then they will often not take the responsibility at all (“If the milk is free, why buy the cow?”) or if a woman will assume the responsibility in a relationship then many men will let her and will never take any more of the responsibility. He may stay with her in this dysfunctional relationship forever, even with her waiting for him to initiate, or until he gets tired of her. Meanwhile, she keeps hoping, initiating and spending her money on him and missing other opportunities with better men, who think that she is already in a relationship. A woman is foolish to give herself physically to a man before marriage or to spend her money on dates with him or gifts for him.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:28-32

Men love their own bodies and when a man loves a woman then he will commit himself to taking care of her as he takes care of himself. A man also will guard his investments. Let him invest in you rather than you investing in him. His heart will follow where he puts his treasure. A man appreciates what he works for and what he waits for. Don’t be in a hurry. Put your trust in the Lord and let the Lord choose your spouse. He will make a much better choice than you can make. As you wait for the man the Lord has for you then you will be waiting on Him and you will know when the Lord brings him along because your future husband will love you more than you will love him. Just as the Lord loves us more than we love Him and our love for Him is a response to His love for us. We love Him because He loves us.

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him. Isaiah 64:4

Understanding How Love Begins As a Commitment

Love is a commitment. Love is a commitment that is expressed through actions. The feelings of love will come and go and come again if the commitment is firm in the lives of the two who are “in love”. The commitment of love is designed for marriage and God’s design for marriage is that the husband and wife will be “in love” and stay “in love”. God is love and the only way that two people in marriage can be and stay “in love” is if they are “in Christ”. Jesus Christ is God and He is love and His life and death fully expressed the meaning of love. We know love through Him and when our lives are in Christ then we will live in His love. When Christ is in us and we live in His love then His love will be expressed through our lives and those in our life will experience His love. However, when someone gives their life to Jesus Christ for Him to live in and through them it is the beginning of experiencing His love and of the transformation of becoming like Christ.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17

Understanding How to Live in a Committed Love Relationship

The new Christian is like a baby in the sense that they need to mature. Just as a baby is alive and must learn to do much so the new Christian is a baby in Christ and will mature as they grow in their new relationship in the Lord. A Christian may not always know how to love but they will want to learn. A Christian marriage, in the same way, needs to mature as each one learns how to love the other. As each partner in the marriage grows in their personal Christian life then the love in the marriage will also grow and mature. There needs to be much confession, forgiveness and grace shown to each other. If this is done, then the couple will learn to love each other even more and the love will not be quenched through selfishness and sinfulness. We are all basically selfish and sinful but when we give our lives to the Lord then He gives us a new heart and a new spirit to live an unselfish and righteous life, seeking to do what is right and loving.

Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. II Peter 2:1-3

Understand that a loving marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth. It is absolutely a taste of heaven to be “in love” and stay “in love” with someone for a lifetime. There is a sweet oneness of mind, soul, body and spirit. There is great comfort in the companionship and friendship of another who you intimately know and by whom you are intimately known. A great marriage does literally multiply your joy and allows another to share in your sorrows. You are not alone and never get tired of the other one. This is only possible through oneness. Just as you never get tired of being with yourself because you are one with yourself, in the same way, you have such a joy and thankfulness for the gift that God has given you through your spouse. However, all of this is only possible through Jesus Christ. Those who do not believe this is possible do not know the One who makes all things possible and who came that we might have life and love through Him. It is the devil that robs and destroys marriages and he does so through the lies that we hear that it is okay to do relationships according to what we want and how we want to live. God is not mocked. The marriage without Christ will never have the love and joy that He alone offers. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to restore us to Himself and to restore the fellowship with each other that He designed from the beginning. It is possible and it can be real life.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10

Understanding the Need for Confidence

There is something very attractive about a confident woman. Confidence is the opposite of fearfulness. A fearful woman is hesitant in everything. Fear is paralyzing and keeps a person from experiencing life. When a woman is confident then she can be decisive when opportunities come along. A confident woman knows what she wants and is willing to wait for what she wants. She is not double minded nor does she settle for second best. Men and women are drawn to a confident woman and she will never lack friendships. When a person exudes confidence then others will have confidence in her. Her husband will have confidence in her and her children also. A confident woman knows that the Lord is with her and no one can thwart or destroy God’s plan for her life.

Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught. Proverbs 3:25,26

Understanding Where Confidence Comes From

How can a person have this kind of confidence? Confidence does not come from beauty, from riches, from intelligence or from heritage. Confidence comes from being with the Lord. Peter and John were fishermen and yet they were able to take a stand for Jesus Christ in the midst of older and more educated, more trained and wealthy men. They had confidence because they had been with Jesus and knew who they believed in and that He would be with them.

Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus. Acts 4:13

When a person spends time with the Lord in His Word then that person learns God’s ways. Another word for God’s ways is righteousness. The right way to live is God’s way and the person who learns to live by God’s righteousness will have confidence.

And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17

Understand Need for Wisdom

There are two kinds of wisdom. There is the wisdom of the world that may sound good but in the end it brings death to your soul and body. The wisdom from God is true wisdom and brings life to those who find it. True wisdom not only brings life but it establishes love in relationships and any relationship that is built on God’s wisdom will last and be able to stand through the trials that are a part of the journey. Look at the fruit of wisdom and you will understand that the good fruit of love has as its source the good seed of God’s wisdom. The word blessed means happy. You will be very happy if you find wisdom and you gain understanding. If you seek and find God’s wisdom then you will understand that wisdom is more profitable than money and even valuable material wealth or jewels. In fact, if one were to be given or inherit wealth if he or she lacked wisdom then the wealth would be lost in a matter of time. The same is true with any gift that God gives to men and women. Love is the greatest of gifts but if a person is lacking in wisdom then they will lose the love in their relationships and will often lose the marriage and friendships also. There is nothing in life that compares to finding wisdom. When one finds wisdom then he will also find life, riches and honor, which are the very things that many seek. The way of wisdom is pleasant and peaceful. She is life to those who find her and happy will be the person who holds fast to God’s wisdom. Even the Lord Himself, by wisdom He founded the earth and by understanding He established the heavens. Man is still trying to search out the order and depth of the universe and man never ceases to marvel at how perfectly the earth and heavens move and how delicate their balance is so that they sustain life.

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom
And the man who gains understanding.
For her profit is better than the profit of silver
And her gain better than fine gold.
She is more precious than jewels;
And nothing you desire compares with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways
And all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who hold her fast.
The Lord by wisdom founded the earth,
By understanding He established the heavens. Proverbs 3:13-19

Understand Two Kinds of Wisdom

God’s wisdom is good and it is perfect. It will never disappoint. The world will never accept God’s wisdom because only those who fear the Lord and honor Him can know the wisdom of God. You must choose which wisdom that you will listen to and live accordingly. There are many many “how to” books and many people read them and live by them. If they are good then they will be based on God’s wisdom but if they are not good then they will be the latest trend or opinion, which may sound good, but the end result is not good. How can you know the difference? The only way is to know the true wisdom from above and if you know the true wisdom then you won’t have to read the many books, of which many are partial truths mixed in with partial lies. That is how the devil pulled Eve into believing what he was saying, by first doubting what God said and then mixing lies in with partial truths. He tried the same tactic with Jesus and he failed because Jesus knew the Word of God and recognized the lies and misquoting of God’s Word. God’s Word is wisdom and you must read and study His Word to be able to stand against the lies of the world and the demonic wisdom that infiltrates so much knowledge and teaching in schools and elsewhere.

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. James 3:13-17

God’s wisdom is pure, gentle, filled with peace, reasonable, full of mercy and the end result is good. It has good fruit because the seed is good. The seed is good because God is good. If you will build your life and relationships on God’s wisdom them they will stand strong and you will have a good and pleasant life and your relationships will be filled with love.

By wisdom a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
And by knowledge the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3,4